


Where We Fall

by cecylia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angel True Forms, Angels are Dicks, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Castiel, BAMF Dean, BAMF Jessica, Bondage, Bookworm Castiel, Bottom Castiel, Character Development, Cursed Dean, Dean Being an Asshole, Dean in Denial, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Eventual Happy Ending, Fallen Angels, First Kiss, First Time, Heavy Angst, Human Castiel, Hunter Castiel, Hunter Dean, Hunter Jessica, Hunter Sam, Hunter Training, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mean Dean, Mechanic Dean, Naive Castiel, Non-Hunter Sam, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Original Mythology, Original Universe, Power Bottom Castiel, Rough Sex, Slow Build, Small Towns, So Wrong It's Right, So much angst, Speech Disorders, Top Dean, Virgin Castiel, give it a chance, jess is very important in this fic, please, you're gonna hate dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:30:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4707689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecylia/pseuds/cecylia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel fell from heaven, running away from the problems he and his family created. Graceless and wearing the appearance of an old mystery, he stumbles across the home of the Winchesters, where he is greeted warmly by Sam and his girlfriend, Jessica. The last thing he wanted was to find an interest in the  oldest of the brothers, Dean, who wants nothing to do with him, and he has quite the way of showing it, but is the only one capable of protecting him from the angels he desperately wants to stay away from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was I inspired by several songs:  
> What Kind of Man by Florence and the Machine  
> Liar by Mumford and Sons  
> Stay by Rihanna  
> Human by Christina Perri  
> And many many more!

** **

**One**

Besides the rustling of leaves, there was hardly any sound as if the recent disturbance hadn’t happened. The wind hardly blew and the dark sky was covered by heavy rain clouds that threatened a deluge at any moment. 

It all occurred so suddenly, the darkness overpowering the forest before a large ball of light fell from the sky and hit the muddy ground. It took some time for the light to fade away, and allowing for the thing amongst it to develop an outline. 

Just in the middle of what seemed an endless forest, laid a curious creature on top of a pile of branches and dead leaves. It was unconscious, unaware of the storm coming or the interested animals that wanted to approach it. 

His skin was gray, almost as dark as the clouds above and as shadowy as the night, with unidentifiable symbols encrusted into his flesh, like injuries, and long bones on his back that resembled those of a bird, except they had little feathers, most of them black, that were cracked on certain areas from struggle. 

Oddly, his face hardly had any features, just eyes and a small bump for a nose. No hair, mouth, or nostrils. He didn’t move either; he just lay on the dirt, almost giving the impressions of being deceased until his long fingers twitched.

Then he remained still again, no sign of upcoming movement, just the rustling of leaves and sound of the sleepless crickets of its surrounding giving the only signs of present life. 

Just a few minutes back, the motionless figure that lay there was a ball of light, so bright and warm like another sun, and yet it fell like a meteorite, so fast and harsh, causing commotion in the usually inert forest. It shone for some time, attracting animals to its direction, before its lighting began to fade and the being it hid, revealed himself. 

He seemed so delicate lying there, undisturbed by the gushing wound on its back and the pile of twigs it was on top of. 

Not even the rain droplets that began to fall on him seem to be a bother. The water began to rise up around him, creating mud, and making the path towards him harder for the insects. It seemed as if the mysterious creature was going to stay there until the first sound of distant thunder went off and it got him to move. 

He sat up, his fingers sinking into the muddy grass underneath it, and his mesmerizing blue eyes that looked like they contained galaxies opened. He panicked as more thunder roared above him and lightning struck nearby. 

_They know._

He could already feel their presence nearby, getting closer to him the longer he sat there, analyzing what he’d done. With what was left of his Grace he could make out what they were saying and the desperation they had with finding him. They were like whispers, invisible but audible and terrorizing, all calling out his name. _Castiel! Castiel!_  

So, even if the wounds on his back were like chains that pulled him down, Castiel managed to stand up.

 He’d never walked more than a few steps in his life, so his knees were weak and almost gave up on him but the fear he had for the people after him was bigger and his legs attempted the task once more. 

The mud and rain slowed him down, the water coating him like a heavy blanket and the wet dirt sticking him to the ground like cement. He couldn’t fly anymore and his Grace was limited so using it became one of his last options. He had bigger purposes for it. 

The forestry around him seemed infinite, like if the longer he walked, the more acres were added to his journey. He’d never get out of there if he didn’t know where he was going or how far away the nearest town was. 

For the first time, Castiel felt the heat of his body leaving, the cold of the rain engulfing him and he shivered. So this was the cold that humans complained about when the winter replaced the warmth of summer? It was horrible. His first minutes on Earth were not going like he wanted. 

All the speed-walking and distractions made him unware of the large branch in front of him and his foot caught on to it, sending him to the ground, his face hitting moss filled rocks, that made a small cut on his cheek. He could barely feel the cuts on his back, but the small scratch he’d made on his cheek had a bigger effect on him, sending an alerting wave of pain across his body. 

He touched it, curious of what a wound felt like when it didn’t heal. It was painful, of course. But through it all, his eyes caught a small, white figure that hid underneath the mud and stood out amongst its dark surroundings. He reached for it before standing up so that he could see it. It was very out place to be there. 

The thing was a photograph, old, laminated, and a bit worn out, but it didn’t erase the person in it. 

_Jimmy Novak, 7/31/1985_

He was a young, handsome, man in a fishing outfit, holding a string with a hooked fish. His smile was bright and pleasing that if Castiel had a mouth, he would’ve smiled too. They shared an eye color, although his, due to the oldness of the photo, was kind of fading, and that gave Castiel an idea. 

He’d use his remaining Grace to turn into this man. Without his Grace, the Angels could no longer trace him. It could keep him under the radar for a while as long as he was careful.

Castiel looked around, making sure there wasn’t anyone nearby, using a bit of his power to scan the area and it was suspiciously quiet. Something else must’ve caught their attention or they were called back to heaven.

He stared at the picture again, this time reciting a few words in his head before a light slowly started to consume him. The brightness of it was weaker than when he’d fallen but it was still very lively. As seconds passed by, the light began to die, flickering a little and then fading away and revealing a new, fully-clothed man. 

This one was paler than the one in the picture, but his blue eyes were brighter and his hair darker.

 Castiel was already feeling uncomfortable in his skin and he had it for less than a minute. He’d only done this once and he’d been young enough to barely remember the experience. His senses definitely changed, becoming dimer, his skin itchy, his eyesight blurrier and the only thing his ears could properly hear was the pouring rain, nothing beyond that. 

His Grace was gone. He was no longer of them. He was a human now.

He started walking again, the rain consuming him quickly and cold being stronger than before. The angry thunder and lightning illuminated his path, guiding him through that horrendous weather. Considering it was a mid-September, the time of the year where the leaves were supposed to be golden yellow and the skies a bright orange, seemed like an illusion in comparison to the obscurity that occurred in front of him. 

Castiel had only been a human for a few minutes and he already hated it. He didn’t think that the weather would be so hard or that the raindrops falling on him could actually harm him (his senses were decreasing, the water felt like ice when it combined with the unforgiving cold wind). The coat that he had felt like a thin sheet of fabric, it did nothing to keep him warm. 

For a moment, Castiel believed he was going around in circles. All the trees, bushes, roaring creeks looked the same, but then again, it could’ve been his poor sighting betraying him under the weather. It wasn’t until he saw a weak but noticeable light in the distance that he knew that there was still hope.

The magnetism of it was very strong considering how far away it seemed. Castiel walked towards it, trying to move through the mud to reach it and see what it was. He could feel himself fading, but he needed to reach it…it looked so safe and warm…

He could use some warmth…

He didn’t realize how far he’d gone until he felt a different hardness make contact with his shoes. It wasn’t the splashing sound of trying to escape the mud, it was of hard plastic hitting hollow structures of wood. 

Castiel tripped again, his knees were incredibly weak and his eyesight was even worse when he tried to look up to see what he’d reached. The light hitting was warm, it made him feel so good…

He dragged himself across the floor and pressed against a wall of the same material as the floor, except bumpier. If his brothers and sisters had been more informative about how humans lived, he would’ve prepared himself better and avoid this problem. 

His body temperature was extremely low, he was shaking. He’d heard of this type of feelings when a human was sick or when they were near death. It’d be a shame if he only got to experience the world for a little time instead of living it as long as he would’ve wanted. If these were his last moments, it would’ve been nice to have spent them with another person instead of alone. 

The sound of a creaking door caught his attention and he barely managed to turn his head to face a beautiful woman with curly, blonde hair. She wore white pajama bottoms and a blue shirt with some doodles drawn on it. She kneeled in front of Castiel and held his face in her hands, “Oh my god. Sam!” She yelled and a tall man walked outside. “Don’t fall asleep on me, buddy, wake up…” 

He hadn’t realized that his eyes were closing if she hadn’t told him. He’d begun to feel sleepy when he sat down but didn’t feel himself falling into slumber. 

The man, Sam, sat next to the woman was just as good-looking as she was with medium, chocolate brown hair. “Hey, hey, who are you? How’d you get here?” He asked and Castiel could barely analyze his words. 

“Help me get him up.” She said softly and wrapped her arm around Castiel’s shoulders while Sam placed his large hands on his waist. His feet managed to move enough to get inside a place he assumed was their home. 

It was cozy, instantly erasing the memories of the coldness of the woods. The home was a lot bigger than he’d imagined and quiet despite the storm thundering outside. It smelled quite nicely, like of flowers and vanilla, immediately catching the attention of Castiel and softening his mind. 

The sofa where they sat him was warm from the fire in front of it. The warmth felt a lot better than he would’ve wanted, like an embrace from a loved one, wrapping around him and replacing the coolness of his skin with a better sensation that only got better when the blonde woman placed a towel around his shoulders. 

“How’d you end up outside in a storm like that one?” She asked Castiel as she sat next to him.

Castiel tried to say something, he opened his mouth so say something in response but nothing came out. He could feel something in his throat, but it never passed beyond that. He shook his head instead; it was all he could do, and it did confuse him as to why he wasn’t able to speak. 

“Are you mute?” She questioned.

“Maybe he’s got a sore throat.” Sam suggested, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

“I’ll go make him a tea then.” She looked at Castiel, “Do you like tea?”

Castiel had never tried anything human but he had heard from his brother Balthazar, who had a fascination towards accents and mundane goods, that one of the few good creations brought into the world, was tea. He nodded. 

Sam stood there after she left, watching every of Castiel’s moves, which weren’t much, analyzing his physical, like a hunter would to their prey. He seemed friendly and young, even if his towering height and thick arms suggested otherwise. It was his facial features that softened him up. Sam had a few boyish characteristics that didn’t quite match his physique but were still somehow fitting. 

When the girl came back to the living room, the tension that had settled between him and Sam faded away, like she was the life of the house with her gorgeous golden hair that seemed to have a light of its own. 

“I hope my boyfriend didn’t scare you.” She laughed and gave Castiel his cup of tea, “Careful, it’s hot.” She warned then introduced herself, “I’m Jessica and this,” She pointed at her tall boyfriend and Castiel’s eyes followed, “is Sam.”

As soon as the tea touched his lips, Castiel was lost. The hotness of it brought up his body temperature up and got his body to regulate properly. If this was what his brothers constantly complained about, he couldn’t wait to try the rest. The tea was delicious, of cinnamon flavor, and colored beautifully a light maroon. 

“Can you speak now?” Jessica tried again. 

Castiel gulped, swallowing the tea he had taken in. He was sure his throat wasn’t the problem but it had felt a little more willing to speak than the first time. Again, he opened his mouth to try talking again, “M’n-n-name’s Ca-Cas-Castiel.” His voice was low, raspy, and slurry, the total opposite of what he had in mind.

“Castiel?” Sam said.

He nodded and smiled a bit. It felt nice to smile, especially to the people in front of him who showed him kindness when they didn’t need to. 

“Why were you out there in this weather? Did you run away from home?” Jessica asked. 

Home. The place that should’ve loved him when times were hard instead of manipulating him and his brothers into becoming what they wanted. At this point, he didn’t know if he could call it that. Heaven was a lot worse and demanding than they made others believe. Jessica’s assumption was correct, he did run away, if he’d been kicked out, the others wouldn’t have been so desperate in finding him. 

He nodded again, the lump in his throat building up again and disabling his speaking abilities. “Well,” Jessica stood up, “You can stay here for the night, take one of the guest bedrooms. It’s late so there wouldn’t be any place for you to go to if you walked to the town…”

“Wait, Jess, you’re just going to let this complete stranger into our home? What about Dean?” Sam asked, “You know how he is. If he sees Castiel, who knows what he might do…”

“I’ll talk to him and explain, I’m sure he’ll understand. Besides, it’s just for one night.”

“A lot can happen in one night.”

“Sam, just trust me, okay? You’re skilled enough to know how to handle this in case it gets out of control.” She kissed Sam’s forehead then turned to Castiel, “You may stay for tonight only.”

If he were capable of thanking them, he would’ve done it, but his muteness was there to stay. Kindness like that was what he needed, and he wasn’t going to brush it off just like that. He agreed to leave the following morning. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas will finally meet Dean...

** **

 

**Two**

Jessica prepared a shower and spare bedroom for Castiel to use that night. Sam, still doubtful about the stranger that walked into his home that night, helped her too, with getting him a change of fresh clothes while he was showering. 

Showering was a little pleasure Castiel should’ve known about. He loved how the water fell on him, the pressure of it just right, not too hard, not too soft, and the heat perfect. He didn’t know how much he’d enjoy it until a smile began to spread on his lips. 

Castiel had heard a few things about showers, mostly from archangels that had business with humans and during their time got a little curious about human experiences like baths, television, and food. He knew showers were good, nothing in comparison to baths, but still enough to make you feel like you’re washing away your day to start new. 

He really enjoyed the water pressure on him, falling on him softly, washing away the coconut scented soap, which Castiel tried to eat if Jessica hadn’t told him what to do with it, and honey-cinnamon shampoo. The stress of running away from his family washed from him, the shower took away that sickening feeling of guilt off him and made him feel relaxed.

It was what he needed.

While he washed himself, he scanned his body, making sure that he didn’t have any imperfections that needed covering. His injured wings had taken their toll on his vessel, disabling him from hunching if he didn’t want to suffer through ten minutes of trying to make the pain go away. He was a bit bigger than the man on the photograph, Jimmy, with his shoulders broader and his arms and legs thicker.

After over thirty minutes of being in the shower, Castiel stepped out and wrapped himself with the soft towels Jessica gave him, using one for his hair and another for his body. Doing so made him catch a glimpse of his face on the large mirror hanging on the wall. 

He was handsome with a long, sharp nose, soft pink lips, and large, royal blue eyes that might’ve been easily distracting to other people looking into them. Castiel was just as good-looking as Jimmy, probably a bit more. 

The pajama bottoms and shirt that Jessica gave him were a bit too long, they were Sam’s, and it made him seem smaller than what he really was so he had to roll them to the fitting size. But overall they were very comfortable that only added to his happiness of finally feeling properly warm. 

The bedroom in which he’d be spending the night in was far more than he needed. Castiel thought a blanket and pillow would suffice but instead the couple gave him a very large mattress in a room where the heat was absolutely great. It was too late to reject them and he was already consumed in how good the warmth of the room felt. 

Then there was the bed, that when he sat on it, it made him feel like he’d just rested on thousands of feathers covered by emerald colored blankets that made him sink in. Castiel was immediately comfortable that his eyelids began to weigh. He lay down and covered himself.

Castiel had heard of slumber through the stories of guardian angels whose duty was to protect humans, how easily one got lost in their own world of dreams whenever they closed their eyes at night. 

Outside, the storm still roared with all its strength, and it intimidated Castiel for a brief moment but being inside a home, made him feel otherwise. For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt safe, like if the wooden home was a shield against all harm. 

He wasn’t sure how much he could trust Sam, Jessica, or that unknown Dean, but he got a good feeling about them. He might’ve not known them for long, but he felt mutual trust with them. 

-.-.-.-.-.-

The following morning, Castiel woke up when the sunlight made its way into the room and to his bed, bothering him a little bit when it hit him. It disappointed him that the night before, his dream was empty and he only dreamt of the color black. 

His body was hot from the blankets on top of him that made him feel safe through the rain that roared all night and stopped just an hour before he awoke. 

He was comfortable the way he was and he would’ve stayed there all day if he hadn’t promised Sam and Jess to leave that day and if his stomach didn’t hurt so much that it made animal noises that told him something was off.

Downstairs, there was small commotion, surprising Castiel of the thinness of the wall and floors of the house. There were two voices, one of Sam and the other unfamiliar. It made him curious since the voice was rich, even if it sounded frustrated and slurry, it was very magnetizing. 

He stood up, rolled up his sleeves since they covered his hands, and slowly moved. His legs were still adjusting to being his main source of balance so he stumbled a bit and he would’ve fallen if he hadn’t grabbed the bed board and held on to it. 

Castiel’s feet moved towards the door, his body trying to catch up to him since he’d just woken up. Even if he had had enough rest, he still felt a little tired. 

The voice talking to Sam became stronger as Castiel got closer to where they were, realizing that very attractive deep tone it had was very pleasing. He could smile about it now and it felt nice. 

Sam and the other man were fighting, something about not telling Sam of where he went off to for three days. Castiel found Jessica in the living room, sitting on the couch, eating cereal while watching television. 

She looked up and smiled at Castiel, who was more impressed by the women yelling at each other in the show rather than by the men discussing in the kitchen. “Hey.” She said and patted the available seat beside her, “Morning.”

He smiled slightly and sat with her, his focus still on the television. He knew TV was a wonder, but he never imagined it to promote violence between women.

“What? You’ve never seen the Real Housewives of Atlanta?” Jess asked, amused. 

Castiel shook his head; he was really into the program, watching how the taller woman flipped a table full of food and then yelled at another woman with dark hair. The scene had changed but the fighting was still going. 

“Would you like some breakfast? The only thing I can give you is Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”

When she suggested food, his stomach growled, giving away his answer. Jessica stood up and walked to the kitchen where the real drama was going on. He could hear Sam yelling at the famous Dean he wanted to meet, every now and then topic came along but he never caught on to it. 

“Don’t worry, they always fight like that. I ignore it. They’ll get over it soon.” She gave him an assuring smile that made him feel better about the situation, even if it wasn’t as important to him as the television was.

Sam appeared, his hands on his hair, tugging at it as he let out a frustrated sigh. His eyes caught Castiel staring at him and his irritation faded, “Oh, hey, good morning. Sorry you had to witness that… Did you sleep well?” 

Castiel could see how Sam was trying not to let his frustration sound off in his voice, he didn’t have any personal experience with that but he somehow understood him. He nodded. 

“Jess has you watching the Real Housewives? That’s impressive. She hates reality shows.” He sat next to Castiel where Jessica was at and grabbed the remote. His face gave off that he was thinking about what just happened and Castiel was extremely curious about it, he could feel it eating him inside. 

He turned to the kitchen to see if the other man, Dean, was there, and sure enough he was, and talking to Jessica. 

Castiel wasn’t experienced with emotions enough to describe the electrifying current that ran through him when he set his eyes on that man dressed in a plaid shirt and torn jeans with golden brown hair that stuck up in all directions like Castiel’s. He wasn’t like Sam, with boyish characteristics, all of his features, excluding the long eyelashes that did poorly in covering the bright green color of his eyes, were rough and proportionate. Almost like if the angels had planned his looks extra carefully when delivering him. 

He didn’t realize he’d been staring long enough for the other man to notice. He wasn’t surprised, but rather confused and then angry. 

The man, he assumed Dean, stood up, seeming shorter when he was sitting, and hurried to living room. “No guests in the house, Sam, remember? You’re gonna give me shit about me hiding things from you, when you’re keeping and hiding strangers in our home?” He smelled strongly of alcohol that it displeased Castiel. That was not something he was expecting from that breathtaking man.

“It’s not like he was staying at your side of the house, Dean. Besides, he’s a friend of ours.”

“We have rules, Sam, rules that we were raised to follow. No guests. It’s clear and simple and yet you can’t seem to follow it.”

“Kind of how you’re not supposed to hunt alone? That’s also a very thick rule here and you never follow it. You can’t expect me to follow all the rules when you can’t do the same, Dean.” The anger in Sam’s face returned and it intimidated Castiel, who, it seemed, was in the middle of two large storms that fought for dominance. He was too familiar with that type of situations.

“I’m the only one here following the family business while you’re doing nothing. I don’t need your permission to go out and do something you won’t.” Dean spat, his anger fuming through his pores that it made Castiel feel small. “Take care of your problem,” His eyes met Castiel’s, “Or else I will, understood?”

He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. The same lump that prevented him from talking during previous times appeared again. Maybe this wasn’t the time but it was making him incredibly uncomfortable. 

“Could you boys be a little quieter? Or at least take your fight somewhere else. You’re making Cas uncomfortable.” Jessica broke the tension between the two men as well as their feud and grabbed Castiel’s hand to bring him up. “I’m sorry about that.”

Castiel had to admit that he liked the nickname Jessica gave him, it was simple and wasn’t out of the ordinary like his name. He felt like he couldn’t thank her enough as it was and wished he was able to say something. 

“I’m sorry.” Sam said and then looked to Dean for him to say something too, but the only thing Dean gave Castiel was a scoff and an eye roll before he walked away.

“That was Dean, my brother. He can be a dick and on his behalf, I apologize for it.” Sam smiled gently, causing warmth in his stomach, nothing in comparison to the chilling sensations Dean made him feel. 

-.-.-.-.-.-

As a couple, Sam and Jessica were charming. Castiel couldn’t stop staring at the way those two basically worshipped each other with love and care; he almost wished he could experience something like that with someone.

They spent the morning telling Castiel stories about their college years and it surprised him how much they were able to understand him considering his lack of voice. 

Jessica grew a fascination towards him especially, curious about his personality and origin. “So, where are you from?”

Castiel didn’t know how to put it properly or describe it, so he pointed up.

“Canada?” She asked.

He shook his head and tried once more. 

“Um, I don’t know, the Artic? Space?” Castiel disagreed with both answers and she laughed, “Heaven?” She made it sound so ridiculous but little did she know…

Cas nodded and his response made the smiles fade away from Sam and Jessica’s face. Neither was expecting the answer and Castiel wasn’t expecting their reactions. He thought he’d done something wrong. 

“Wow, really?” Jessica’s interest quickly returned. She was too kind for her own good, “Well, welcome to Lettermen, Montana.”

He hoped that the rest of the people he’d meet would be like Jess and Sam and not like Dean. Dean had left a very bitter taste in his mouth that he couldn’t shake off just like his presence. He could feel it roaming around the house, and he noticed that the couple felt it too since the night before, from the way they worried about his reactions. 

Castiel didn’t want to give him much importance; he was just an angry man who was terrible with making good first impressions and was unbelievably handsome. 

Later on, Dean had passed by them a few times, always staring at Castiel for too long, his glares burning into the back of his skull and Castiel tried to not seem bothered by it, but there was something about that man that drove him to places he didn’t know he could get to. 

Dean was just as inquisitive to Castiel as television was, but he could never pin point as to why, or why, if he felt so intimidated by this mere human, did he always end up looking back at him and responding to his cold gazes with a small, discomforted smile.

There was something about those green eyes, it seemed as if they hid universes of secrets, that pulled him to the man that was unpleased by his presence, and he wanted to know what…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please tell me what you think. I would really like to know. Also thank you to those who left a comment on the first chapter, it is highly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has an unfortunate encounter with Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter does contain some abuse...

**Three**

To Castiel’s surprise, and Dean’s rejection, Sam and Jessica allowed him to stay for a few more days. It was mostly thanks to Jessica, who’d become determined in helping him speak. Sam, on the other hand, was still suspicious but was more intrigued in knowing who he was and his background.

He couldn’t believe how welcoming they made him feel and, unfortunately, every time he felt like he was part of them, as a friend, Dean Winchester always wrecked it. 

Castiel had a hard time understanding Dean’s hostility, he couldn’t piece as to where it came from except that he was a stranger that he couldn’t get rid of as long as Sam and Jess were around. 

Dean made sure Castiel knew he wasn’t liked by constantly attacking him with questions that made him uncomfortable, like about his brothers, his reasons for running away, or, if he really was the angel he claimed to be, where was he when they needed him…and it was because of it that Castiel always left early to his room. He never knew how to handle that type of questions. 

Being around Dean made him feel different in ways he couldn’t figure out. Maybe it was because he still couldn’t recognize or differentiate human emotions properly, but he was sure that what he felt when he was around Dean was negative and Jessica always told him that it’ll eventually go away.

But the three days he’d already spent with them made him feel otherwise. It bothered him that he wasn’t able to tell what Dean was thinking or if all his mistreats were part of an experiment. Castiel felt weird around him because of it, because he couldn’t read him. 

That night, he went to his room early, skipping dinner so that he could watch the television that Sam moved to his room. Dean had been gone since the morning, and it made him feel calm. He asked Sam why the man was gone but even he didn’t know and, through the fear of finding out, he became curious. 

It was already past midnight, with the programming of the channel changing from joyous sitcoms to adult-themed cartoons. Either way, Castiel was fascinated by them. He always knew television was good, and very distracting, and having the chance to see it made him forget about what he’d done in Heaven to end up powerless on Earth. 

Thankfully, his brothers and sisters had given up on him, at least he assumed, and finally left him alone to live with Sam and Jess. 

He liked the atmosphere they created in such a big, haunting home located in the middle of the forest and was miles away from the rest of the secluded town. Castiel grew very curious about the rest of the townspeople from the way Sam described them, a little cold but they were lovable people.  

Too bad that hadn’t applied with Dean but small steps were always good. 

It was then, before he started to think about Dean’s mistreatment again, that he heard the sound of something heavy dropping on the floor outside his room. 

Of course, curiosity got the best of him and Castiel stood from his bed, unsure if it was Dean who returned from wherever it was that he left to.

There were footsteps dragging themselves across the floor, thuds of hitting the wall following them every so often. Castiel could tell the condition in which Dean was in just from the noises of his movements, slow and tiresome. 

His conscience for the first time spoke to him, telling him not to go outside in the fear of what Dean might tell him this time, but a different part of him told him to go and check, that maybe he’d react differently being in such a weakened state. 

Cas chose to follow the one that was louder, which was the one that was sparked by his constant interest and the least cautious. He stood from his bed and slowly made his way to the door to hear if Dean had made it to his bedroom before he opened it. 

He had not. Castiel could hear his panting and dangling of his keys, a little too close to his door actually and it made him wonder if Dean was outside. So, he opened the entry to check and, even though he suspected, he was a little surprised when his blue eyes met a pair of green ones. 

What shocked him even more was that his face was bruised and scratched and his hands and clothes were covered in blood. He stared at Castiel as if the former angel could magically make his wounds go away, but Castiel could only stand there in astonishment, taking in the situation in front of him. 

“I figured you’d be awake.” Dean asked, his breath giving off the horrible scent of alcohol that Castiel loathed. “Are you gonna help me?”

He wished he could say something, as always, but he couldn’t. The only thing he could do was nod and grab Dean’s waist to help him balance and stand up properly. Dean leaned on Castiel, his weight settling on the other man’s side and dragging him down a little but still helped him to his room. 

Dean’s room was the last in the hallway, the one Castiel assumed was vacant due to the poor lighting. His chamber was dark, even with the light on, and messy, with a strong stench of liquor that was so gross that Cas almost let go of Dean to cover his nose. Luckily, he didn’t. He refused to imagine what the other man would do if he had.

“What are you doing here, Castiel?” Dean asked as he sat on his unmade bed. 

Castiel took his question as something simple, so he pointed at Dean. “H-Help…you…” He whispered. 

“I didn’t mean that. I mean, here, with us.” Dean chuckled and stood up, his drunkenness suddenly gone in a matter of seconds. His height towered Castiel, even if their difference was only by a few inches. His aura was intimidating, and he couldn’t help but look down. He wouldn’t dare to look into those poisonous yet fascinating eyes.  

“What’s the matter? You’re not afraid of me, are you?”

Castiel gulped and shook his head. He couldn’t think as to what it was that made this man the way he was, or how come his voice felt like acid to his ears yet found it so enticing. 

Dean’s hand reached for Castiel’s neck, caressing it at first, sending chills down his spine. His touch made him forget for a moment that he was at the hands of a dangerous man or that they were covered in fresh blood. Just with the way his thumb brushed his Adam’s apple, Castiel was lost. It made him feel different, making him experience sensations he was unaware humans went through and it send a wave of blissful heat through him. 

“Look at you, it only takes so little to have you eating from my palm.” Dean said lowly, his free hand grabbing one of Castiel’s, “Maybe you should be afraid of me…” The softness in his voice faded to a hazardous tone and the forgiving traces that he’d grown attached to were ripped away when Dean began to press on his throat. 

It only took one movement to get Castiel gasp out in the struggle to breathe. Dean was a strong man, his layers of clothes didn’t make it seem like it, but his harshness reflected differently. 

 Cas’ hands tried to get Dean off him but he felt extremely fragile, with his legs going numb as soon as Dean's nails dug into the back of his neck. He was at the mercy of Dean and his body was reflecting it. “What do you want here? How did you find us?” He said vehemently as he tried to keep Castiel from struggling so much by tightening the grip around his flesh. “What are you?” 

The blue-eyed man could only shake his head, he’d become incapable of speaking again. He couldn’t believe that for an instant he thought Dean was finally showing him some affection, he’d put so much faith in that small moment they had only so that it could be taken from him in one swift movement. 

Dean saw that Castiel couldn’t say anything anymore and let him go.

Castiel fell to the floor, coughing violently and desperately trying to regain the air he’d lost, his cold hands touching the area where Dean held him from. It burned from the pain, and he could still feel those fingers wrapped around his neck. 

“Get out.” Dean said, running the same hand he’d used to almost take Castiel’s life through his hair. 

Castiel couldn’t say what definite fear was but he was sure that what he felt for Dean was an idea of the sickening emotion. Now, he was sure of what it was that haunted him about the man with the green eyes. He was afraid of him. 

“You…a-are…a b-bad…man…” Cas could barely concentrate on piecing his sentence together and deep down, he knew that Dean didn’t care about what he had to say, but he had to let him know, even if he laughed at his words. 

“Oh, I know.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sam and Jessica were on Dean as soon as they saw the bruised marks on Castiel’s neck the following morning. Jessica almost slapped the oldest Winchester while Sam inspected the injuries. He shook his head in disapproval.

“What were you doing in his room?” Sam asked Castiel, who couldn’t keep eye contact with him for more than two seconds.

 “Wanted…to help…him…” He answered.

“Dean is unstable…” Sam looked behind to where Jessica yelled at Dean. “I don’t know why he’s like that.” Concern grew on Sam’s face and it was so strong that Cas could almost feel it. 

Castiel noticed that, unlike when he did it with Sam, Dean didn’t fight back with Jess. He only looked at her while she threw cussing words at him, looking ashamed for getting the blonde woman so angry. It did make him feel a little better that the couple worried for him, but didn’t blame them as to why. Dean was not alright in any way. 

All the curiosity he once felt for him, was gone, it left him along with the little hope he had in Dean. The thought of them actually becoming friends one day was now a sickening nightmare because every time he looked at him now, he felt Dean’s fingers on his throat as a reminder. 

Jessica walked to them, frustrated, “I seriously don’t understand what caused him to do that to you. I’m sorry you had to experience that, Cas. I’d kick his ass if Sam let me.”

“You’ve always had my permission to do it, I don’t know what’s stopping you.” Sam kissed her forehead when she sat next to him. 

“Exactly,” She leaned to Castiel to touch the marks on his skin, “Nothing is stopping me and that’s why I’m afraid.” She caressed his arm to comfort him and it surprisingly worked. Castiel was feeling a lot better after the gesture. Maybe it was due to the amount of trust he had in Jessica that gave him an assured feeling that, despite the previous night’s situation, it would all be better. 

“If Dean doesn’t apologize to you today, then I’m going to kill him whether Sam wants it or not.” Jessica looked back to Dean, who stood in the kitchen already having his first beer of the day early in the morning.

“You’d be surprised to know how much I’d support you.” Sam turned to Castiel, who couldn’t stop staring at Dean. He wasn’t angry at him like they were but he did take his time to study him and see if he could use anything against him for any upcoming meetings. “Hey, are you hungry? Jess and I wanted to have breakfast at Ellen’s diner; we were wondering if you’d want to come along?”

“He has to come with us now, we’re not going to leave him alone with Dean.”

“Great then, gives us a chance to introduce him to the rest of the townspeople. Fair warning, though, Cas, they may start off as a little hostile since we don’t get a lot of strangers here, but they’ll warm up to you if you don’t look suspicious…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't kidding when I said you'd hate Dean hahahah. Anyways please tell me what you thought about this chapter. Comments inspire me to continue and, again, thank you to those who left a comment on the previous chapter. Anyways, I'll try to update soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets the people of Lettermen and it doesn't go as he would've wanted.

**Four**

Lettermen, Montana was a small, isolated town surrounded by infinite forestry and was a ten minute drive from the Winchester home. When they arrived, Castiel expected a livelier place instead of empty streets, sidewalks covered in dead, autumn colored leaves.

The skies were grey and the wind chilly, Castiel noticed that that kind of weather was a usual thing around here. He didn’t mind it, of course, it was just so gloomy and it reminded him of where he came from. 

Sam and Jess took him to a diner called the Roadhouse, which was the most populated establishment in the deserted town. Castiel felt nervous, and he didn’t know if it was because of how people would react to him, or how he would react to other people. 

“Here.” Jessica gave him a dark green scarf, “So that you can hide your bruises.” She told him and even helped him with wrapping it around his neck properly. Even if he slept most of the trauma away, he could still feel the presence of the green eyed Winchester haunting him. “Try not act out of place, the people here doesn’t react fondly to that. I’m speaking from experience.”

Sam chuckled, “Your first weeks here were quite the ride.”

“I’m still afraid of your Aunt Ellen.”

“What? She loves you!”

“You can never be too cautious around that woman, as lovely as she is.” Jess shook her head and unbuckled her seatbelt. “I don’t know how they’ll react to Castiel, though.”

Just the thought of strangers staring at him made Castiel more anxious than what he already was. He was only used to Sam and Jess, other people coming into his life seemed a little weird at the moment. 

What scared him most, from the way it had already been the third time Sam and Jess warned him about them, was how the others would treat him. Cas wasn’t odd looking enough, besides those incredible blue eyes of his, to turn heads. He constantly thought about how bland his appearance was for a human. 

After they got out of the car, Castiel chose to stay behind Sam, who was the tallest of the trio, and used him to hide himself. He seemed undisturbed by it and played along, letting the shorter man camouflage behind him as they walked into the diner. 

The place looked much smaller from the outside. Inside, the walls and floors were made of waxed wood, giving off a very deep scent of pine trees, overcame air of sizzling food. IT was nice to look at, even if the crazy amount of people didn’t allow Castiel to enjoy the view like he would’ve wanted to. 

Sam and Jess took one of the few tables available hidden in the corner where the lighting was crappy, and, unfortunately, next to the bathroom, but the noise of talking was low. Castiel sat next to the wall and Jessica, facing the restaurant to watch as the people worked their lives and what they were doing. 

There were a few interesting people that caught his attention. The table next to theirs had a couple of two young women, one a red-head and the other brunette, who couldn’t keep their mouths off each other. In the table in front of them sat a handsome, golden haired man with bright, indescribable eyes, surrounded by large books and sketchbooks, his bare arms covered in unique writing that Castiel had difficulty in reading. The waitresses, particularly a tall, blonde one, kept eyeing their table, especially Sam. 

It was then that another blonde waitress, this one shorter and younger looking, approached their table. “Hey, Sam!” She turned to Jessica, “Hey Jess.” Her eyes caught Castiel’s and held them for a long time, trying to figure out something in him. It made Castiel uncomfortable, “And I don’t know you…”

“His name is Castiel.” Sam answered when he saw that the blue eyed man wasn’t going to speak, “He’s a college friend.”

“Oh.” Although she smiled at him as gave them their menus, Castiel could tell that she didn’t buy their story, “Well, I’m Jo, nice to meet you.” Her attention returned to the Winchester, “How’s Dean?”

His name immediately created an uneasy feeling in Castiel’s stomach and it almost felt as there was a pair of invisible fingers tracing the bruises on his neck. He never thought the effect of one word could have so much power over him, such an intimidating amount of dominance. 

Jessica discreetly looked at Castiel; somehow she could feel his discomfort and that made him feel better.

“Dean is fine. Same as always, leaves the house without telling me where he’s going only to come home and drink himself unconscious. Really, he’s a joy. This brings me to wonder why you still have such a crush on him…” 

  Jo chuckled, “You ever take a look at your brother? He’s quite the looker, any girl here would be lucky to have him.”

“Funny you say that because most of the girls here have. Dean has a reputation for being a whore; your mother would kill him before letting him date you.” 

She rolled her eyes and pulled out a notepad and pen from her pockets, “What are you having today, Samsquatch?” 

“Same as always.”

“Jess?”

“Strawberry and banana pancakes with a cappuccino.”

She scribbled down Jessica’s order before looking at Castiel, “And you, Cas?”

Everything in the menu looked very appetizing that, if he could’ve, he would’ve ordered everything, but Castiel knew he only had one choice. The waffles looked so good, but so did the chocolate chip pancakes and ham and cheese omelette. He’d been so deep in thought, thinking of what he’d get that morning that he almost forgot that Jo still stood there if Sam hadn’t cleared his throat so loudly. 

Castiel set his menu down and pointed at the order of pancakes with bacon and scrambled eggs. It wasn’t his first choice but he had always been curious as to what bacon tasted like. 

“And you’d like that with what drink?”

His finger moved to Chocolate Milk at the bottom of the page and Jo nodded at him, writing his order. “I’ll be back with your food.” 

As soon as she left, Jessica and Sam got into conversation, mostly talking about the pretty blonde waitress that had her eyes glued to Sam. “I can’t believe Ruby is still all over you.”

“She always has been, for some odd reason, but she knows I’m with you so you have nothing to worry about.” Sam shook his head, embarrassed by the attention he was getting from his girlfriend and the other woman. 

Castiel understood what they saw in him, Sam was very handsome in a teenage boy kind of way. His features weren’t as rough and manly as Dean’s, but he was still undeniably handsome. 

Through conversation, they waited for their meal to arrive. Jessica and Sam discussed the possibility of life on other planets due to it being brought up by a nearby television saying that water was found on Mars. It was an odd conversation, but it was the most Castiel had laughed with someone, mostly about the things Jessica would say when she got pretty heated and how calmly, and jokingly, Sam responded to her. 

Jo carried the three plates on a tray by herself, which surprised Castiel because they seemed pretty heavy for her to handle. 

They thanked her and as soon as she left, Castiel dug in, taking in big pieces of pancakes and portions of scrambled eggs and bacon along with large gulps of chocolate milk. You’d never think he’d handle it but he did and Sam and Jess watched in admiration. 

“Someone is hungry.” Jess joked as she carefully cut up her breakfast. 

Castiel nodded, he was, and he always felt that way for some reason. He’d grown to love food, whether it was something large and greasy or something plain and organic. 

“I-I’m sorry.” Castiel said as he swallowed the huge amount of food without choking, “I’m h-hungry.” He gave them a sheepish smile and continued with his eating. When he looked down to his plate, he was disappointed he was already halfway done. 

“Well, Sam, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” A woman spoke to them before they could all continue with their breakfast.

“Ellen.” Sam stood up and greeted her with a hug, the amount of respect he had for her reflected on his body language. It was the same when it was Jessica’s turn to hug her. “This is Castiel, a college friend.”

“How come I’ve never heard of him?” Ellen, a beautiful woman with long, light brown hair moved to Castiel to shake his hand, “I’m Ellen.”

Castiel couldn’t tell if it was the sudden intimidation or admiration he felt for her that made him speak in the fear he’d upset her by staying quiet. “C-Castiel.” He said lowly.

“Are your related to Jimmy Novak?” She asked him and the name he’d completely forgotten about made him feel like he’d been splashed by a bucket of ice water at its mention.

 He didn’t know what it was, but it felt like he’d frozen in place. He had no idea people would recognize him in that manner and now that someone had, it certainly had its effect on him. Castiel still shook his head, a little too quickly and forceful, his façade showing the impact the name had on him.

Ellen squinted, her suspicion rising in a noticeable way. “You look a lot like him.”

Castiel shook his head again. He forgot he was wearing another man’s appearance as his and the whole adjusting to the human world made him overlook that someone might actually distinguish him. 

“Are you okay, Castiel?” Ellen asked him, her gaze making him feel small. The power this woman had was overwhelming to him, and he’d been in a room with all the archangels once. That was nothing.  

“I’m f-fine.” He whispered, his voice imitating how he was truly feeling. Castiel felt everything but fine. His emotions were everywhere and the appetite that had helped him through this type of circumstances in the past, wasn’t of much help this time. 

“This turned out to be an interesting meeting.” Ellen told Sam, who stared at Castiel with the same confusion as Jessica. “You should visit more often; it’s always lovely to have you both here. As for you, Castiel, I hope that next time I ask you something, you’ll be able to answer properly.” She smiled at them once more and left them to sit in silence. 

“Isn’t Jimmy Novak that one guy that disappeared in 1989?” Sam asked Castiel, who was still trying to recuperate from the unexpected pressure of interrogation. 

Castiel had no clue on what to tell him, he didn’t know who this Jimmy Novak was except that his picture was in the middle of the forest, coincidently close to where he fell. He never assumed that his name had a history in town or that people would still be able to identify it.

The day was going to be a long one for Castiel… 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The ride back to the house was quiet, mostly because Sam was thinking about what happened in the diner with Ellen. Castiel was aware that he suspected of him, but he didn’t want to give him more reason to. 

Jessica tried not to speak about it, but her expression said a lot of words. She was just as confused as Sam but probably more intrigued. It was clear that this bothered her, but she didn’t make it as obvious as her boyfriend. 

Castiel couldn’t say anything, not because he couldn’t, because his vocal cords were giving him a green light to speak, he just didn’t know what to say to them. He felt as if whatever he told them would only add to their doubt and he didn’t want to make matters worse.

It didn’t get better when they arrived to the house, because Dean was outside. Seeing him, of course, caused an uneasy feeling in Castiel and if Sam told him what happened he could only imagine what the green-eyed man would do to him this time. 

“Sam, are you going to tell Dean?” Jessica asked, to Castiel’s relief and surprise.

Sam scoffed and glanced at Castiel, who was holding tightly to his seatbelt, “If I do, he won’t let him live for tomorrow.” 

Now the picture began to settle in Castiel’s head. How much was Dean really capable of? How quickly would he kill Castiel or would he take his time and torture him? The thought sent chills down his spine.  

“S-Sam.” He called out for the tall man before he opened the door of his car, “I found…” He paused and corrected himself, “I have a p-picture of…J-Jimmy.”

”You do?” A small light appeared in Sam’s hazel eyes that brought some sort of liberation to Castiel. 

He nodded, “It’s in my r-room.”

“I’m gonna need to borrow it, if you don’t mind.” His smile was soft, taking away the fact that just a few seconds, he was thinking of Castiel as nothing but a suspect, but Cas agreed. He could almost pretend as if what happened with Ellen hadn’t happened. 

But that sense of relief didn’t last, unfortunately, as when his eyes caught Dean’s, his feelings went numb for a moment. 

He looked as handsome as ever, Castiel was not going to ignore that, but the way those predatory eyes devoured him on the spot, like a lion to a gazelle, melted him in an inconvenient way. 

Castiel wanted to blame it on the way Dean looked under the morning light while fixing something of his beautiful black car, with his skin and hair appearing golden, but as he got closer, he realized that it was just Dean naturally being unbelievably breathtaking. 

For a moment, he couldn’t believe he was thinking of the brief attraction he felt for the man that mistreated him the night before, but how could he help himself at this point when Dean was looking the way he was?

He wanted to be as far away from him as possible, he couldn’t bear the sight of him any longer, but Dean wasn’t done with him, and when he grabbed Castiel by the arm with his greased up hands, he knew there was no escape.

“Can we talk?” He said, low enough for only Castiel to hear him. Sam and Jessica were already looking their way, prepared to make a move if Dean stepped out of line. 

Castiel shook his head and Dean sighed. 

“Listen,” His grip around Castiel tightened to prevent him from walking away, “About last night, I’m sorry.”

Their eyes met, blue colliding with green, forming up a storm of tension. Castiel’s showed concern while Dean’s were…empty. “You’re not.” He didn’t feel confident to say the many other things he was thinking, but he was glad that he hadn’t stuttered and gave Dean the satisfaction that he still had an influence on him. 

“I wouldn’t be apologizing if I wasn’t.” But his eyes remained hollow when he spoke and Castiel wasn’t certain if Dean realized that. 

“You…” He gently placed his hand on top of Dean’s and moved it away, “You are only doing it because you have to…not because you want to.” It was the longest he’d said without struggling and he knew that the small smile he gave the Winchester was undeserved, but he had to be the better person of the two. He wanted Dean to see that he wasn’t going to let him step on him and pretend as if it never happened the next day. What he did to him was something he’d never forget.

“Whatever,” Dean muttered, “I don’t need you to take my apology anyways.”

Funny how easily things shifted and Dean went from being a man to a child in a second, it made Castiel wonder what Dean’s reaction would’ve been if he had accepted the apology. 

It didn’t matter for now; Dean was considered a side problem to him at the moment. What he wanted to know was who Jimmy Novak was, and how he disappeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to those who left a comment on the last chapter. They're always appreciated. I feel like this chapter was late but idk... Please read and comment!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel learns about Jimmy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some fanart for this story that I really want to post but I'm saving for some future chapters. This story has been through several remakes and brainstorms that I got excited. I've also made a playlist that keeps getting bigger, the more I look into my music and I'll probably share with you guys soon. Anyways, take care and enjoy!

**Five**

“So get this,” Sam entered the kitchen, holding his laptop and placing it on top of the table Jessica and Castiel were using to look through books about speech exercises, “Jimmy Novak was the owner of the town’s library before Charlie. The place remained without an owner before the Bradbury’s bought it.”

“What about his disappearance, does it detail what happened to him?” Jessica asked.

“Not much, really, just that his body was found a few days after his family started a search party by one of the townspeople. He was found with a bullet to the head and scratch marks all over his body. Some were his, others were unknown.”

“Did anyone ever go back to investigating?” Jessica took Sam’s laptop and placed it in front of her so that she could read through the article Sam found.

Sam shook his head, “His family, his wife Amelia, mostly, begged the police to stop investigations. They couldn’t cope with it and didn’t want to know what or who it was that took Jimmy.”

“You had to go back to your old ways to find that out, huh?” Jessica smiled at her boyfriend, looking through the tabs that were open. “You’re a genius, has anyone ever told you that?”

“All the time.” Sam winked and smiled before taking a gulp from the water bottle he was taking. “What I’m still wondering, though, is how Castiel is basically an exact copy of Jimmy? It’s like they’re a mirror.”

Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his chair, he wasn’t ready for the attention to return to him so unexpectedly. 

“Except Castiel seems more built, taller. Doppelganger maybe?” She moved the computer so that Castiel could look at the photos there was on the disappeared man. Jimmy was a lively youth; he didn’t look as sucked in by life like Castiel did, and he’d only been on Earth for a week. Even if Castiel’s hair had grown and stuck all over the place throughout the days, Jimmy’s was combed and organized.

“Likely, but I doubt it. Doppelgangers are usually born a century apart from each other. _Usually_.”

“Maybe Cas is different. Weirder things have happened.”

Castiel interjected, “I’m an Angel.” Sam and Jessica turned to him as if he had just cussed at them, “We shift.”

Sam chuckled, “An angel?”

He nodded. Castiel wished at that moment that he had a way to prove it, but he was just as human as they were. If he had his Grace, he could probably mess around a little by making the lights explode or making the doors open and close. Although, he would seem more like a ghost rather than an angel, but proof was proof. 

“I…” Castiel looked down to the book in front of him, “I fell.”

“How come?”

When she asked him that, Castiel felt like he just opened a vault he shouldn’t have but he still answered her, “They…were doing bad things.” Things that could’ve been easier to explain if they only believed him. 

Jessica and Sam stared at each other, seemingly sending messages through their eyes. It was the ability that they had that made Castiel full of wonder. It constantly amazed him how those two understood each other without explanation. 

He repeatedly told them that he was angel but every day, the reliance of his story grew thinner. Castiel didn’t know how long he had before they definitely categorized him as a monster. 

“Ellen called.” Dean’s voice ripped through the tension that had developed amongst them. He entered the kitchen, holding a bottle of beer and his cell phone, “She said she was curious about Castiel. If Ellen is interested it means we really have a case.” His eyes moved from Sam to Castiel, his glare feeling like a dagger against him.

“Well, he can’t be a monster if he made it into town.” Sam said. 

Dean chuckled, “You don’t even know what the fuck he is, and you’re defending him?”

“Exactly, Dean, we don’t know what he is. He could be the angel he says he is, he could simply be a harmless doppelganger, the possibilities are endless.”

“A doppelganger of Jimmy Novak?” Dean walked closer to them, inspecting the things they had on the table. There was a spark in him that was small, but distinguishable. 

“It could be. Cas is an exact replica of him. Castiel says that angels can shift and maybe that’s what he did. He said he found a picture of Jimmy when he fell.” Sam handed the picture of the disappeared man to Dean, “From 1985.”

“There have been cases of doppelgangers happening between short periods of time. What killed Jimmy?” He leaned towards the computer to read through the page that Sam had open.

“It doesn’t specify and it seems a little weird. Whatever he had inside, he was trying to get out because he was found with scratches made by him all over his body. Plus the ones the creature left.”

Dean seemed to think about it too, the look of interest in his face fascinated Castiel because it wasn’t one he was used to. It was oddly attractive. “Do you believe that he may be an angel?” His eyes met Castiel’s for a brief moment, holding them before letting go. 

Sam shrugged and sighed, “Like Jess said, man, weirder things have happened. Especially to us. We’re magnets of the weird, so I try not to doubt it.”

“Angels seem like a little out of our circle. If he were one, we wouldn’t know how to deal with it. He could be worse than anything we’ve ever come across.”

“Or,” Jessica raised her voice to get their attention, “He could be a great add to this place. Castiel hasn’t done anything wrong yet and I’m sure if he wanted us dead, he would’ve done that the first night he stayed here and he definitely wouldn’t have let you choke him.”

In a way, Jessica was right. If he had his grace, he probably would’ve burned Dean’s eyes out just to teach him a small lesson of not to mess with him, but he didn’t and through the discovery of what his mundane body was capable of, he was physically and verbally threatened. But even if he did have his powers, he wouldn’t have killed Sam and Jess. From the few good morals that the angels still had, one of them was to always be grateful. 

“It still doesn’t justify the amount of trust you have in him.” Dean complained. He looked frustrated and that kind of emotion set something off in Castiel. 

What did he have against him? He understood that he didn’t like guests, but this type of sentiment went deeper and it was starting to make Cas a little upset. “It’s…it’s just y-you that doesn’t like me.” 

Dean looked like he’d been hit on the face, challenged to return the invisible punch, “Yes, you’re right, I don’t like you. Your presence bothers me to a point where I don’t mind hurting you again.”

“Dean!” Sam spoke up, grabbing Dean by the arm and forcing him to step back. “What the hell, man?”

“Really? You’re gonna defend him? Not your brother?”

“Well, you just threatened to hurt him; I think that’s a red flag for whose side I should take.” Sam looked at Castiel, his blue eyes didn’t reflect the same anger as Dean’s, they were calm and pensive instead.

Castiel stood from his chair, showing little affection over the threat he’d just received. He only walked away, his eyes staring down to the floor, not once looking up to see where he was going. 

He realized then, that he didn’t care for Dean or what he said to him. What mattered most is what triggered that type of reactions out of him. He wished he could’ve showed more emotion, but it wasn’t something he was used to. 

When he was an angel, his brothers and sisters would greet him positively, not like Dean would. The first time had been odd, the feeling unknown within him, but now it burned, and he took it as a sign of becoming more human. 

Being that, a human, was so boring. At least to him it was, Jessica and Sam seemed to enjoy themselves. He missed being an angel, he missed never being hungry, staring down at humans from the clouds, never being concerned about staying clean and, most of all, he missed flying. 

His brother, and practically the man that raised him, Michael never approved of his escapades to the human world so that he could fly past the waterfalls and mountains, a place where no one would see him. His once healthy wings were now broken and unrecognizable. They’d gone from white to a dark grey and their weight, which as an angel was nothing, increased tremendously, causing for his human form to have back problems. 

As he continued down the hallway to his room, he felt something hit his face. The impact of it lightly smacking his forehead made him concentrate on what was in front of him. It was a white, plastic string falling from a small opening in the ceiling. 

He squinted at it, inspecting it as if it were an undiscovered animal, and then grabbed it, slowly pulling it down until a wooden stairway set in front of him. Castiel looked around, hoping that the loud thump it made wouldn’t bring unwanted attention. He wanted to be alone.

The stairs seemed fragile and it made him hesitate of whether he should climb them or not. He took a look at them, admiring the old wood that couldn’t compare to the polished pine floors and walls of the house. It gave away the home’s true age.

Castiel grabbed on to ladder, a loud creak following as his foot climbed onto the first step. If the first one made that much noise, he could only imagine the rest. 

And he wasn’t wrong. With every step he took, the squeaking became louder and he felt heavier, like if at any moment the wood would give up and let him fall. Fortunately, he made it to the top without any problems. 

The room wasn’t impressive. It was dark, even if the only lighting it got was from a small circular window, very cold, and had a lot of large boxes. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it sure was a lot more than this. 

The floor screeched underneath him with every step he took trying to find a light. He bumped into a different box until he found a switch in the corner of the room, far from anyone to be able to spot at first sight. The added lighting wasn’t great, very dim, but it made a difference. 

Besides the boxes, there were a few pieces of furniture like an unbuilt bed frame and a table with stacked books on top of it. It was also filthy, with large amounts of dirt on the floor and large amounts of spider webs on every corner. 

From all the things in there, so dusty and ancient, it was the books the one that called his name. They all had similar features, black leather covers, golden framed pages and with the initials _J.W_. written on a piece of tape on top. 

He didn’t open it because it was as if the letters carried a cursed environment with them. Like Dean. It was as when he got a hold of the first book, the room became colder and closer together, creating a claustrophobic environment around Castiel that made him as vulnerable as when Dean almost choked the life out of him. 

His instincts divided inside his head once more, one side telling him to look through the pages to know what secrets it hid, and the other told him to put the book back where he found it, what was inside was none of his business. 

Castiel should’ve learned by now that by following the same instinct that told him to help Dean the other night, was not the one to go with when he undid the buckle of the first notebook. 

But before he could proceed further, he heard footsteps behind him, interrupting him from his moment, and he turned around annoyed because he wanted to read what was inside those journals. 

“What are you doing here?” Dean looked at him, examining Castiel to see what he’d do next. They were uncomfortably close that Cas could hear his heart beating out of his chest. If he could’ve chosen anyone to be with, it wouldn’t have been the man that made him feel this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Especial shout outs to CasGirl176, zonya35, and Mirob for always leaving such nice comments. Thank you to everyone who has followed up on this story and given me patience I don't deserve. Also, I'm sorry if the chapter comes out as boring. I tried to finish it when I lacked sleep. Please, please, please comment!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new mystery attracts Cas to Dean.

**Six**

Dean stepped closer to Castiel, making the blue eyed man gulp from the nervousness he felt around the Winchester. As handsome as he was, he was one scary son of a bitch. “I asked you what you’re doing here.”

He and Dean were apart in height by about two inches, but the intimidation he felt from him made him feel much smaller. It was a nasty feeling that he wished he could shake off, but how could he, when human emotions and interactions were still so new to him? “I was c-curious.” Cas felt himself stutter and it made him feel a little embarrassed, he noticed that he only did that under pressure. The last thing he wanted was to let Dean know the power he had over him.

Dean smiled, “Curiosity killed the cat, you know that?”

Castiel shook his head slowly, “Are you…a-are you going to k-kill me?”

“As much as I would like to…” He placed his hand on Castiel’s waist, taking another step towards the ex-angel, bringing them closer, “I can’t. You interest me.”

He didn’t know what it was that he felt pool in his stomach, but the sensation was a bit warm, even if the rest of his body felt cold. It was weird because this wasn’t something he’d expect for someone who tried to kill him a night ago.

“I can’t define what you are yet…and I think that’s the reason we’re here.” He smiled down at Castiel, “What do you want here? Is it Jessica? Sam?” He leaned closer to Castiel and Cas tried to step back but the grip Dean had on his waist prevented him from doing much movement, “Or _me_?”

Whatever it was that their eyes did every time they stared into each other for more than two seconds, made Castiel breathless and a bit uncomfortable, but he liked it, in his own way. He couldn’t do anything about it though, Dean had him right where he wanted and he didn’t know for how much longer it’d be.

Cas shook his head again, “S-safety.” He’d made so much progress in the past day, his speech becoming longer and less repressed, but being close to Dean made him feel like all the work he’d put into it was wasted. He was back to the one word sentences.

“Well, Castiel,” Cas found some sort of enjoyment when Dean said his name, “You’re at the wrong place for that.” Dean backed away, taking the notebook from Castiel’s hands, “If you want that, the first thing you should do is stay away from my stuff.” He put the notebook back where it belonged.

“Sorry.” He didn’t feel Dean taking the journal, and that was probably the goal. He couldn’t help himself though, Dean was so distracting it still surprised him. “What’s J.W.?”

“Does it matter?” Dean stared at him, his green eyes holding Castiel for a moment. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Castiel looked down to his shoes, becoming a little flustered by the way Dean watched him for too long, “Yeah, you’ve made that clear.”

Dean chuckled, “I don’t mean it like that, I meant here, in the attic.”

He didn’t know how to answer that. Easily, he could’ve said by accident, but was it? If it had been an accident, he would’ve dismissed it, but he followed the ladder up and he started looking through the things that were there. “I was…distracted.”

“Distracted?”

Cas crossed his arms, “Yes.”

“Okay.” Dean smiled at Castiel, which was a weird thing because it wasn’t something he ever saw him do, especially towards him. His smile was nice, attractive just like him that only made the feeling in his stomach burn deeper.

Cas didn’t know what it was about Dean. It was just like Dean once told him, it took so little to have him eating from his palm. This feeling, it was unique in a good way, and it separated itself from all the other human experiences he had had.

Deep inside, he wanted to explore this feeling he was so unaware of, but ultimately liked. Dean was standing there, looking through the shelf behind him while he just stood there. He was a wonderful sight, with those curved legs and broad shoulders. Cas was certain that humans were meant to feel that way towards someone or something, but was it ever so strong? Did it ever take their breath away as quickly as it did to him? Was it meant to mess up his thinking process so bad that—

There was a mark on Dean’s forearm that made him return to his tracks. He noticed it when Dean reached for the _J.W._ notebooks on the table to arrange them on the shelf. It was red, at first seeming like a burn mark, but the more he looked into it, the more of a shape he got out of it of a…blade? In a distant time, he recognized it, but at the moment, it seemed like a new memory, “What is that?” He found himself asking, even though he was only thinking it.

Dean stopped what he was doing at looked at Castiel momentarily to figure out what it was that he referred to. When he figured it out, a sense of discomfort reached him. “It’s nothing.” He rolled down the sleeves of his shirt to cover it, “And I thought you were on your way. Why are you still here?”

The rise of Dean’s voice made him feel inferior again. “I’m sorry.” He sighed and walked to the ladder. He shouldn’t have had to apologize for his curiosity. It was just a question and if it affected him so much, it meant that there was a story behind it and another mystery to add to his book.

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

The following day, Jessica took him to the library, located exactly in the middle of Lettermen. It was owned by a woman named Charlie Bradbury, who was very interested in meeting Castiel the moment he stepped through the entrance, and her girlfriend, Dorothy Baum.

The moment Castiel approached the first shelf of books, he knew he was lost. He’d seen bigger stacks before from different parts of the world, but never this close. He liked their smell, their different textures due to their age, and covers to them. There were a few that were the same, but in their own way, they were their own thing.

He and Jess were there to investigate about Jimmy ‘the old fashioned way’ —as Jessica put it—by looking through phone books of the town and old newspapers. Cas wished he could help her, but what he had in front of him was much more to him.

Several of his brothers, like Inias, loved to read and deep down, he wished he had the same liberties they did, because he loved to hear about what they read and how, through pages, they were able to go into different worlds without moving from their place. Inias had been to several libraries of the world, and read millions of books. Now, Castiel was about to start with his own collection.

“Are you looking for anything specific?” A voice with an accent that resembled his brother Balthazar’s spoke next to him. He’d been so intrigued by the Fiction section to notice anyone around him.

The man was tall and handsome. Not anywhere near Dean, but he was good to look at. His hair was dark and a little messy, his eyes dark green with long eyelashes, and with a five-o-clock shadow. He carried a stack of books that could fall at any moment if he added one more to the ones he already had.

“No, I d-don’t know…yet.”

His smile was cute, appropriate for his features, “That’s why I’m here to help. I’m Jonathan, by the way. I’m one of the librarians.” His gaze turned to the row of books in front of him, “I highly recommend American Gods by Neil Gaiman.” He gestured towards it; it was the first one, a bit hidden for Castiel to notice it at first if Jonathan hadn’t pointed it out.

_(Jonathan James)_

“T-thank you.”

“Ah, it’s no problem.” He walked to a nearby table and placed his books on top of it, “Are you that guy that came out of nowhere?”

Castiel tilted his head to the side, confused. He didn’t come from out of nowhere. He was from Heaven. “I don’t understand?”

“I saw you at the diner and Jo told me your name but I can’t recall it.”

“C-Castiel?”

“Right!” He grabbed Castiel’s hand and shook it, “Nice to meet you.”

He couldn’t say anything anymore. Cas wasn’t used to strangers approaching him so friendly in the few days he’d been here. There weren’t many people he’d been introduced to, but the few he had, did not have a good impression of him as he did of them.

“If you need anything else, or if Charlie isn’t at the desk, just look for me. I should be around here, stacking books.” He smiled one last time before walking away, leaving Cas alone. For the little time he knew this Jonathan guy, he kinda enjoyed his company.

He spent most of his time looking through the fiction and Sci-Fi sections, focusing on the romantic and space travel themes because for now, it was what kept him going. Cas wanted to see the excitement Inias would get over these types of stories.

 Jessica was surprised to see the large stack of books that Castiel carried to their table, it was bigger than Jonathan’s. She laughed lowly in disbelief, “You’re not seriously taking all of those, are you? I mean, you could. But will you be able to finish them all by the due date?”

He looked through his stack briefly, taking in Jessica’s statement. It was quite large and the books were very thick. Plus, he didn’t know how long they were gonna give them or if he’ll be able to finish them in time. So much to read, so little time. A struggle he would never appreciate as a human.

“I’ll just take a few.” He assured her and she nodded understandingly.

The problem was that he wouldn’t be able to pick which he’d take. They all looked so great, and the summaries made the story sound amazing. This would be harder than he imagined. “Can I take more than one?”

“You could maybe take three, but I think they only give you two weeks to read them.” She flipped through the pages of the phone book and some of the newspapers. Whatever she had found had caught her interest because she seemed devoted to her search.

Castiel wanted to be as concentrated as she was, he really did want to continue the Jimmy case, but he was too caught up with something else. With the mark on Dean’s arm. He’d seen it before, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it since the moment he saw. It was extremely familiar and if it had an origin, it was dark, he could feel it.

Dean was like a book, a book with a very nice cover that had a very interesting story and was probably an even better read. Unfortunately, it had a lock. Several, actually, and Cas didn’t know how to unlock it yet because he only knew so little. Maybe if he tried a little harder, he felt an attraction towards him strong enough to investigate it further.

* * *

 

****More pictures of "Jonathan"**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter is late, I am sorry. I went on a trip to visit my friends and I hadn't finished the chapter yet so it may be a little shorter than I usually deliver. Also, the actor to portray Jonathan is Oliver Jackson-Cohen. Shoutout to Obviousoption for leaving nice comments of the fic, thank you so much for taking the time to comment :). Comments always inspire me to continue so please, please tell me what you think in the comment section.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds something interesting about Dean.

**Seven**

There was a lake near the Winchester home, about a five minute walk, that Sam and Jessica liked to go at least once every two weeks. It was one of the few days where the weather was calm and warm, and they didn’t want to waste it inside the house. 

Castiel was willing to go with them; he’d never seen a lake up close, until he saw that Dean, after hours of convincing, would also accompany them. It was already bad that he made him uncomfortable, he could imagine how this would make him feel. 

Thankfully, it wouldn’t just be them. Charlie, Dorothy, and Jonathan agreed to close the library early to come with them and enjoy one of few good days of autumn. Dean should know his place when there were people around. At least Castiel hoped so.

When they reached the lake, a beautiful place hidden behind rows of pine trees, the first ones to jump into the water, running and holding hands like teenagers, were Sam and Jessica, splashing some water into Castiel’s clothes. He thought that if they're always happy together, at that moment they had reached another lever. Holding each other tightly, laughing like goofballs, and having the time of their life. 

He couldn’t do much besides stare and set his bag on the ground. Dean stood near him, getting his towel out of his duffel bag and undressing. 

There was a heat rising in his face when he saw him take off his shirt. He could feel his mouth go dry at the sight of the man that stood a few feet from him, pulling down his jeans to reveal his black swimwear. For a moment, he wished they could be as close as they were in the attic, his breath ghosting over his lips, and his hand on his waist…

Cas shook his head and felt his cheeks, they were warmer than usual, and it was all because of Dean. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend his day, gawking at a man who didn’t want him. 

“You got the hots for Dean Winchester, seriously?” Jonathan stood next to Castiel, throwing his bag aside. 

“The hots?” He touched his face again, how did he know? “L-like a fever?”

Jonathan smiled, “As in you like him.”

“No, not at all.” He denied it too quickly and, from the way Jonathan’s grin grew, he didn’t buy it. “He’s not good.”

“Yeah, everyone knows that.” He began to unbutton his light blue shirt and although the sight was impressive, it didn’t make Castiel feel the same way he did for Dean, “Which makes me wonder why so many people are head over heels for him.” His green eyes scanned Castiel for a moment, “You’re not gonna go in?”

The thought of undressing brought a sense of discomfort to him, it hit him like a bucket of ice cold water, “Um, I don’t know.”

“What? You don’t know how to swim?” He started to fold his clothes, placing them inside a black backpack once he was done, “Don’t worry about it, neither do I, but I can’t waste the day in work clothes.” 

Castiel turned to the water. He thought about swimming and the world hiding in the water many times before when he was in heaven, but was never given permission to explore it. His brothers never saw him worthy enough to send him to Earth, now that he escaped, he was free to explore his surroundings, but he didn’t move.

“Are you afraid of the water? Because there’s a big difference between not knowing how to swim and being scared of the lake.” 

“No.”

“Then?”

Castiel sighed, “I don’t want to go in.” How could he when he didn’t know what the water was hiding or how to move around in it. 

“If that’s the case, you can keep me company.” He walked to a wooden table that was already there, a bit moldy and moist but Jonathan set a towel on top of it so that he could place the book he was carrying on top. 

Charlie and Dorothy joined Sam and Jess inside the lake, laughing as they threw water towards each other. Castiel looked back to where Dean stood and he was looking at his phone, taping the screen a few times before putting it away. He scratched the mark on his arm, its shape still causing for Castiel’s brain to mix up as it tried to figure out where he had seen it before. He was certain he’d seen it somewhere…

Castiel also noticed another group of people not so far away from their territory. They all seemed pretty young, probably a little younger than Sam and Jessica, laughing louder than they did as they threw themselves into the water. 

“Who are they?” Cas asked Jonathan.

Jonathan squinted in their direction where Castiel pointed, “I think they’re the college kids.” 

“Is there different types of children?”

“What? No, I mean they attend college. It’s a town away and they tend to come down here during the weekend.”

Dean looked interested in them, smiling down before heading Castiel’s direction, “You’re not gonna go into the water?” He questioned when he was close, “Are you like Jon, here? Are you afraid of the water?”

Jonathan sighed, “Look, when you grow up with four older brothers, whose idea of fun is throwing you into the deep side of the pool without swimming gear, it does sort of stick around as a phobia.”

“Oh, grow up.” Dean mocked, “Children do that all the time.”

“They were in their late teens and early twenties, I was seven.”

Dean laughed, something Castiel never thought he’d see him do, but it was charming, “Being the youngest must’ve sucked for you then. Anyways, I’ll leave you two buzzkills to it.” 

Jonathan rolled his eyes, going back to his phone, “And you like him?” He whispered when he saw that Dean was far enough. 

“I don’t like him.” But he did have to admit that Dean in those black shorts was a very good sight. “I just find him interesting.”

“That’s what everyone says.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

They didn’t get out of the water until the sun started to go down. While Sam, Jess, Charlie, and Dorothy had the time of their lives in the water and Dean flirted with the college students, particularly a blond girl, Jonathan and Castiel spent their day talking and laughing like idiots.

Cas was especially fascinated with the things Jon showed him on his very large phone like his dog Max chasing his tail, his little cousins baking a cake, and cats playing the piano. 

Charlie invited everyone to dinner, saying she’d pay, but Castiel asked if he could stay home. Spending so much time in the sun made his skin very stingy so he thought a bath would be a better fit for him rather than dinner. Dean also skipped the offer and disappeared before anyone could ask him where he was going. 

At the moment, he was alone, watching television and eating a bowl of cereal after he took the bath he desperately ached. He would’ve spent more time there if the fear of the rest of his body turning as wrinkly as his fingers hadn’t gotten the best of him. 

The house had been silent for a long time, making him believe that Sam and Jess were going to take longer with Charlie. He regretted choosing the bath over his friends, but he didn’t want to be the awkward guy that sat there, trying to understand what they talked about while his skin burned. 

It was barely eight and he didn’t have anything else to do except watch the show that was on. The premise of it had been interesting in the beginning, with the leading characters solving murders that lead to a bigger villain, but it grew old quickly and it lost his attention. 

Kind of like being human. 

While in Heaven it seemed like the thing every angel craved, the experience wasn’t as pleasant as he would’ve wanted. Everything was a mystery that you had to work hard to solve, and that took time and dedication, something now seemed so little and tiring. Sometimes those mysteries were far away from anyone’s solution, sometimes they were gifted. 

Like the one that suddenly happened outside his door. He heard footsteps and heavy breathing coming from the hallway. His curiosity, of course, kicked in but due to past experiences, he held it back and stayed on his bed. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again in case the person doing all that noise was Dean. 

“Oh, Dean, that feels so good, baby.” He heard another voice, masculine but a little high pitched, speak and it probably didn’t belong to the same girl Dean was trying to get with back at the lake. 

Castiel wanted to guess what they were doing that felt so good and made the second voice sound so devoured. He really wanted to investigate but the last time he did, he was choked and left with bruises on his neck. 

 He couldn’t exactly make out what Dean replied, but the words fuck and pretty did distinguish themselves from the rest. Cas had never heard those two words being paired up in the same sentence but at least he got the clue that what they were doing was indecent. 

It was then that he wished that the walls of the house weren’t so thin because he could hear a lot of what they were doing —there was some slurping sounds and loud kissing— and it made him incredibly uncomfortable. 

Castiel had seen sex in television once in one of Jessica’s shows and Sam didn’t know how to answer him when he’d asked about it. He’d been fascinated by it though, with the way two humans could move together, how one was dominant and the other submissive, and how great, apparently, it felt. 

It never occurred to him that his closest experience would be outside his bedroom.

He decided to put a stop to it before it went further. His feet were quick to move to the door, his hands ready to open it and his mouth ready to scold Dean Winchester for doing those filthy things when his brother was gone, but when he slightly opened the door, he was surprised at himself for stopping for a moment to look at the handsome boy Dean was with. 

Dean held him by the waist, his hands up the guy’s shirt, their mouths never separating to notice Castiel. The boy, who was smaller than Dean and skinny, had dark hair and pale skin. His features were soft and young, but he found some sort of resemblance in them…of himself?

Cas couldn’t watch any longer, doing so would be creepy and could risk him being discovered. But, at this point, how could he stop when the man that claimed to dislike him was kissing a boy that looked a lot like him. He had wide cheekbones, hair as dark as his that almost blended with the shadows that surrounded them, and lips just as naturally pink. 

What did this say about Dean, about what he truly felt towards Castiel? It could’ve easily just been a coincidence, maybe Dean didn’t care. He looked down for a moment, trying not to think about it too hard, but it immediately started to consume him. 

He placed his hand on the door knob, determined to close it so that he could go back to bed and forget what he’d seen. Except a pair of bright, green eyes caught his. Dean didn’t stop what he was doing with the boy to yell profanities at Castiel, like he assumed, but instead his lips curved into a small smile and his arms brought his companion closer, his fingers making their way into his jeans

Dean’s eyes were glued on him, he could feel their force weighing him down, forcing him to stay longer so that he could enjoy the scenery but Castiel closed the door when the other man’s hands unzipped Dean’s jeans. 

His face was extremely hot, and probably super red too, how could this have happened to him when Sam and Jessica were gone? One moment, the image of Dean Winchester had been of a threat that could hurt him at any moment, the other it was of him pleasuring the boy he was with…and that one was going to take a long time to erase.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Akai-Chan11 for always leaving a comment. I didn't get to thank you last chapter, so I'm using this one.  
> For those who don't like OCs, I promise you that Jonathan, as well as other upcoming characters, have a purpose here, especially Jon. I don't like using OCs in fan fiction but when the story started molding into something complex, I felt like these additions were necessary. Also, Jonathan is not going to get romantically involved with Castiel, but he will make an impact. I can't say how yet but it will be interesting to unfold.  
> For some reason, I wasn't quite satisfied with the outcome so I hope it doesn't come off as lazy or something...please tell me what you think. Again, thank you everyone for reading and keeping up despite how long it takes me to update.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel learns about a new case and has a proposal for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the cover art of the fanfic in Chapter Two made by me! Follow me on tumblr! I follow back.  
> cecy-barnes.tumblr.com

**Eight**

The following day, Sam took Castiel for lunch at Ellen’s diner. Without Jessica, who was spending the day with Dorothy Baum, their drive there was awkwardly silent. He didn’t know what he was thinking, but Castiel was going over the obvious. 

Whoever it was that Dean was with, looked a lot like him and still sent goosebumps through him only by imagining the filthy things they were doing. He could easily guess them, actually, it wasn’t as if Dean and the boy were quiet about their activities, and they made it harder for him to fall asleep. 

Luckily—at least he thought so—something else distracted him from the discomfort between he and Sam, and what he’d witnessed the night before. There was a man two tables in front of theirs, looking his way.

Castiel had seen him before, he was certain because he had blond hair so bright, it could compete with Jessica’s. Though that time he was looking through books and going crazy on a sketchbook, his tattooed arms now covered by a long sleeved black shirt. The more Cas paid attention to him, the more handsome he became, with his blue-green eyes that stood out, regardless of the strands of mesmerizing golden hair getting in the way. He watched Castiel, his eyes never separating from him as he drank from a cup, and then winked.

Of course, that surprised him a little and Castiel looked around to see if had been directed at him or someone else and sure enough, it was for him. He leaned towards Sam, who was reading the newspaper, “Sam.”

“Yeah?”

“Who is that man?” He gestured towards his table, and even after he’d gone noticed, his eyes remained on Castiel, consuming him like prey. 

Sam sighed, “Oh, great. That’s Jackson Sloane, second biggest douchebag in town right after my brother. It’s best if you avoid eye contact, he sleeps with anything that breathes.”

“Oh.” Castiel said quietly, “I believe it’s a little late for that.” He swallowed and when his blue eyes returned to Jackson’s table, he was no longer there. Now, he was walking towards them, carrying a book and his cup. 

He slid next to Sam, not bothering to ask if he was allowed to, and smiled at Castiel, “Jackson Sloane.” He was handsome and lean, like a surfer. He didn’t have features as rough as Dean’s, but he was still pretty good-looking. 

“I know.” Castiel said, the man’s presence suddenly having an effect of discomfort on him. “Sam told me. I’m Castiel.”

“Castiel, like the angel? Fitting since you look like one.” Sam rolled his eyes while Castiel could only feel flustered. He’d never been told that, most angelic beings looked the same, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing since angels barely had a face and were grey skinned. “What brings a beauty like you into this shit hole? You a hunter?”

Castiel squinted, “A what?”

Jackson chuckled, “I guess not.” He paused and looked at Sam for an explanation but he didn’t look to be in the mood to put up with him, “So, why are you really here, love? The cat doesn’t drag in a face as pretty as yours for nothing.”

Sam intervened before Castiel could answer, “What do you want here, Sloane?”

“I can’t start a conversation with the pretty boy?”

“He’s a college friend, okay? He needed a place to stay and we offered ours.” Sam frustratingly explained. “And leave him alone. He’s not here for your entertainment.”

“I wish he was.” He reached for Castiel’s hand, his warmth against Jackson’s freakishly cold skin sent chills through him, “We’d have so much fun.” 

In the distance, Jackson seemed charming, like a prince Castiel remembered from television, but up close, physically and personally, the image became easily tainted. It reminded him of Dean, because it didn’t matter how beautiful he was, his looks would never be enough to cover up his revolting arrogance. Jackson Sloane and Dean Winchester were similar in that nasty way.

Castiel snatched his hand from Jackson’s, thinking that maybe his action would establish some sort of boundary between them. “Don’t do that.”

“Playing hard-to-get?” The smile he had grew wider and it only tarnished his appearance further. 

“Why don’t you go away, Jackson?”

His eyes remained on Castiel as he answered, “Are you aware of the case in North Bend, Washington?” He waited for Sam’s approval to continue, “Obviously, I can’t go alone so I need someone to come with me. I thought your friend would’ve been a hunter like us—”

“Like you.” Sam corrected, “I don’t do that anymore.”

“I wondered if he’d be my companion.”

“No.” Castiel immediately denied his request. It was bad enough that he made him uncomfortable; he could only imagine how worse it’d be spending time together in a car. “Even if I were a hunter,” Cas had no clue what they were hunting, “I wouldn’t go with you.” A sense of pride emerged within him, letting him know that this decision was the right one. 

Jackson sighed, his disappointment fake, “Pity.” 

“There are no other hunters that could go with you? I mean, what’s going on in North Bend is pretty heavy. You can’t just drop it and you can’t go alone, both options are equally dangerous.”

“Well, Sam, if you find someone with big enough balls to come along, call me.”

“Can you blame them, though? Nobody knows what they’re going up against and all of the hunters who went to investigate are missing.”

Cas began to worry. He didn’t know what their conversation was about but the tension that settled as they started to talk about it, gave away the amount of pressure. He’d seen and heard Sam and Jess talk about cases, they never looked worried, but the look on Sam’s face gave off something else entirely. Whatever was going on in North Bend seemed to become a weight to the hunters that wanted answers. 

“Jo and Ellen volunteered, but I can’t do that. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if something were to happen to them.” As he said that, Jackson’s features softened, giving away a vibe of vulnerability to the man that flirted with him just a few minutes back. It was almost as if they were two different people. 

“Maybe you could take a break; someone may find something and spread the word.”

“But what if they don’t? Waiting would make it worse.”

“What’s happening in North Bend?” Castiel whispered, barely audible, but Jackson made out his words and replied.

“There’s a large storm going on there that doesn’t move, it just keeps pouring over the place, and hunters and families that passed by have disappeared. Supposedly, there was a survivor but was found dead in a town just several miles away with scratches all over his body made by him and something else.”

“Like Jimmy Novak.” Castiel turned to Sam and he could see his eyes light up in thought.

“Who’s Jimmy Novak?”

“An old case.” And Castiel was wearing him. Thinking about it made him feel worse. “But never mind him. Avoid going to North Bend if you don’t know what’s going on. I know waiting is a terrible idea but it’s the best we can do for now until we receive information on what’s happening.”

Jackson nodded, unsatisfied with what Sam told him, and stood up, “But, if another life is lost, I’m going in. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” He smiled one last time at Castiel, that slimy attitude that he had when he approached them returning, “I’ll see you again someday, sweetheart.” His eyes shifted from Castiel to Sam, “Hopefully privately.” Jackson winked at Castiel again before walking away.

“Ugh.”

“What is it?”

“I would absolutely hate that guy if he weren’t such a great hunter.” He shook his head in disapproval, a bitter look on his face. “Jessica says he’s not all that bad but he makes it so hard to believe that.”

“How many hunters have gone into North Bend?” Despite the discomfort that Jackson made him feel, Castiel couldn’t shake off the haunting feeling of the North Bend case. It was a locked mystery containing many others inside. 

“Seventeen. Eight were alone, the rest were grouped.”

“And families?”

“Five.”

Castiel gulped, the disturbing sensation the case radiated getting stronger. It made his stomach hurt. Something about the case felt like it was hooking onto him and pulling, but he didn’t know what. It was like a macabre sensation that only got worse when more thought was put into it. There was something heavier going on in that poor town, Castiel could sense it. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

When they got home, Dean was sitting on the living room floor with books and papers, newspaper clippings mostly, spread across it. He didn’t look up when Sam and Castiel entered the house, but he did say, “How was lunch?”

“It was okay.” Sam sat on the couch and patted the seat beside him for Castiel to sit. “We bumped into Jackson Sloane.”

“And?” Dean reached for a black folder behind him and opened it to read what was inside.

“He hit on Cas.”

Dean shrugged, “I don’t blame him.” He finally looked up so that his eyes could meet Castiel’s, making the burden on his stomach heavier. Looking at him made Castiel remember the night before, and how their eyes connected as Dean was with another man. 

“Whatcha got there?” Sam grabbed one of the papers from the floor and read, “Couple found mauled in Paulina, Oregon.”

“Werewolves. There’s also a kid missing from there, gone the same night of the murders.” He gave Sam another paper that had a picture of a boy, a teenager probably, named Nolan Byrne.

“He could be dead for all you know.”

“But he’s not. There was a video of him taken by a security camera in an Idaho gas station. He was caught and arrested, but before someone from his family could come for him, he broke out.”

“You’re gonna go?” Sam placed the paper down.

“It’s my job.”

And it made Castiel wonder what it was, or rather what else was there to it. He was aware that it involved the same hunting that Jackson and Sam discussed, but due to the privacy that Dean put around it, he knew that this went deeper. 

“Would you mind if I went with you?” Castiel stood up so that he could sit on the floor with Dean. The reaction he got from the other man wasn’t the one he wanted, but he remained hopeful. 

“Are you kidding me?” Dean scoffed, clearly offended by Castiel’s question.

“Um,” Castiel’s voice went down, “No.” He wasn’t looking forward to spending those days with Dean, but he wanted to know what hunting felt like. Since his fall, he heard a lot of talk about it. Even before that, his brothers would tell stories about legendary hunters that took down large monsters and dangerous demons without a problem. He wondered if Dean was like them. 

“Do you have any idea what happens during these things?”

“No,” He repeated, “But that’s why I want to go.”

Sam’s worried face returned, “Cas, I don’t think you understand what’s at stake—”

“I know what I’m saying, Sam. I _want_ to go.” He raised his voice, “You and Jessica talk about this all the time, and I’d like to know—well, I know what they are, but I want to hunt them. Fight like Dean does. I don’t want to sit here and do nothing. I’m gonna become a hunter. Whether you like it or not.”

Sam raised his hands in defeat, deciding to longer fight it. Dean, oppositely, didn’t stay quiet, “You’re not coming with me. You don’t know the basics of hunting; you don’t know anything about it. You’ll just be bait.”

“If it helps you catch these wolves, which are murdering people and have kidnapped a boy, then I’ll do it.”

“I work alone, Castiel—” Dean started but was interrupted by Sam.

“Take him with you. This could be a good idea. As much as you claim to hate him, Dean, I know you won’t let him get hurt. I trust you with that and I’m sure Cas does too.” He didn’t, but still nodded, “Besides, they’re just werewolves.”

Dean sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Fine. I’ll give him three days to train. _Three_.” He pointed at Castiel, “If you make no improvement, I won’t take you and you won’t bitch about it.”

Castiel smiled, pleased that he got his way, “It’s a deal.”

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

**"Jackson Sloane"**

** **

 

 

** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am super, super sorry if this is late. I had an idea of how I wanted the chapter to go but I didn't give it the time to write it. As always, thank you all for waiting patiently and for commenting. Please tell me what you think!  
> The actor portraying Jackson Sloane is McCaul Lombardi.  
> Also, please check out my new story, Blood and Magic!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's days of training begin, each with a different outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this late! I really wanted this to be perfect and idk if I've achieved that!

**Nine**

**Day One**

 

Castiel was not fond of the idea of wearing sweatpants, but Jessica insisted that they would help him a lot during his training. Yes, they were comfortable, but they belonged to Sam so obviously, they were a few inches longer than he was. Jessica had offered to lend him one pair of her leggings after he heard him complain, but after Castiel saw how incredibly tight they were, he decided to suck it up and deal with how lose Sam’s clothes were around his waist. 

They woke him up early that morning, saying how he needed to run a mile with them so that his legs could start feeling the burn that he should get used to in case the werewolves chased after him. It still surprised him how much they knew about this type of thing but never followed Dean on his hunts. 

His legs certainly sensed the burn later that day; his thighs felt as if he had a rubber band around them that only got tighter the more he massaged them. Sam and Jessica were doing the same thing, but they only did it once or twice before walking again as if nothing happened. 

“Cas, are you okay?” Jessica smiled at him, “If Dean sees you struggling you this much, he’s not gonna take you. He made that quite clear yesterday.”

Sam stood next to Jessica, “He already doesn’t want to take him as it is.” He turned to Castiel, “Why do you want to go with him when you rejected Jackson? I mean, he’s no better personality wise, but he’s better at protecting his companions than Dean is.” 

“Dean is…I don’t trust him, but I know him better.” Actually, he didn’t know him that well, but he definitely preferred him over Jackson. “Jackson is still a stranger.”

Jessica was unhappy with his answer, but she shrugged, “It’s your choice. If hunting with Dean makes you feel better, who are we to stop you, right? By the way, where is he?

“Last night, he went out with some ‘friends’, and didn’t come home until four in the morning.” It was the first time that Cas understood that by Dean’s ‘friends’, Sam meant sexual partners.

“Oh, then he won’t wake up until two.” Jessica shook her head in disapproval, “But we can go on without him. Since it’s werewolves, what do we need to teach Cas?” 

“Well, werewolves are strong and fast, so we need to teach him how to get out of their grip if they get a hold of him. He also needs to know how to shoot a gun—” He stopped to look at Castiel, “Do you know how to shoot a gun?” 

Castiel knew a lot about guns, he was in heaven when the first one was created, he especially knew their harm, but he didn’t know how to shoot one so he said, “No.”

“So that too, then. What do you know?”

Castiel thought about it for a moment. His brothers had taught him many things while they trained him, many were good to prepare him for battle if that type of situation were to present, and some were bad enough to see them under a different light. He knew how to fight, although it had been a while since he last used his moves on anyone…three hundred years, maybe? For sure, his moves were rusty.

“I’m good at fighting.” At least he thought so. 

Jessica raised an eyebrow, “Oh yeah? What type of fighting? Karate? Mixed Martial Arts…?”

He blinked, Castiel didn’t know there was more than one kind of fighting style, his brothers only taught and he learned, he never thought of it as anything else. “I don’t know.” He admitted. 

“It’s okay, sweetie.” She assured him, “With werewolves you don’t need to know any fancy moves, just how to get out of their hold before they rip your heart out. Once you know that, you should be good.”

Castiel nodded understandingly. Jessica had so much patience for him; it made him feel like he was capable of many things. Sam was still adjusting but he was getting there and his effort was always appreciated.

“Jessica trained in martial arts when she was a young girl, then again after a little incident we had in college. If there’s anyone to help you with fighting, she’s your best choice.”

“What happened in college?”

“When I was a hunter, a demon went after her to get back at me. If I hadn’t come back in time, she wouldn’t be here—”

“I’d be six feet underground. Now, we didn’t catch the demon on the spot. We chased after it for months and Sam trained me so that it wouldn’t try to attack me again. Unknowingly but willingly, I became a hunter to help him out until we eventually retired after we caught it.” She placed her hand on Sam’s shoulder and gave him a warm smile, the love in her eyes radiating off her that Castiel could almost feel it. It was beautiful. “But enough of our story, our main focus now is teaching you.” 

“Okay.”

“Are you ready to start the first lesson or would you like a few more minutes?” She noticed the way Castiel shifted uncomfortably, touching his legs a few times, apparently still sore.

“Just give me a few more minutes.”

“Take all the time you need, Cas, just make sure Dean doesn’t catch you like that or he’ll throw a bitch fit.” Jessica gave him a smile before moving with Sam to talk about something he couldn’t hear. 

The night before, Dean made sure that Castiel knew that hunting wasn’t easy, trying every method to get him to change his mind, but Cas was set on going and Sam and Jess on helping him. Dean had no choice but to agree and he settled the only rule he had:

_If you slow me down, I’ll leave you behind._

His green eyes burned through Castiel, letting him know that this was no longer a game and from that moment forward, he was under Dean’s command. He wasn’t ready for that, to be thrown around like a rag doll, but he really wanted to hunt so he forced himself to follow through. Even if he was aware of how much he’d hate it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Day Two**

 

Dean showed up early the second day of training with a cup of coffee to keep him awake and watch Castiel get his ass handed to him by Sam. Again. 

 To help him concentrate, Jessica put some music and, in the beginning, it worked, he managed to throw a few hits and kicks at Sam but as he got confident, his moves became slow and sloppy, making it easier for Sam to avoid. 

Jessica shook her head, “Cas, you have a speed advantage over Sam, use it!” 

He could hear Dean snickering as he took a sip of his coffee and it made him angry. It was bad enough that he was frustrated, and he wasn’t going to tolerate having Dean mocking him. He applied his concentration on his moves again, throwing punches at Sam again, some of them hitting him, others missing him, but a few were good.

“Whoa, Cas, what’s happening here?” Sam backed away, panting.

Castiel sighed and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Just,” He breathed in, he seemed to have difficulty with recuperating his normal heart beat and breathing rate, “I’m just frustrated.” 

The day before, they had spent it all day trying to teach Cas how to avoid being caught by a wolf and how to fight them off, he didn’t understand how most of his training hadn’t applied and he managed to forget a lot of it in less than twenty-four hours. 

Cas sat down, grabbing a cold bottle of water than Jess set for him. As he drank, he had never felt so relieved, but as the coolness of the liquid had its effects, the pain of his body increased. 

“You wanted to be a hunter, now you get to experience all the shit we go through.” Dean sat next to him, a teasing smile on his face. If he weren’t so tired and hurt, Castiel would’ve pushed him away. The last thing he wanted was to deal with him. “Don’t tell me it only takes a few punches to bring you down?” 

“Please don’t.” He said lowly so that his annoyance wouldn’t reflect in his words. “I’m…I’m just…tired.”

“In hunting there’s no time to be tired.” Dean stood up, “Come on, get up

Sam spoke up when he saw Dean grabbing Castiel, “Dean, I think Cas needs a—”

Dean raised his voice, “Those werewolves are not going to give him a break. The moment they catch him will be the moment they rip out his heart. He wanted to do this, now he’ll have to go through the same hell we did.” He looked down to Castiel, “Get up, or I’ll force you up.”

At that moment, Castiel wanted to tell him he didn’t want to do this with him, that he didn’t have to put up with his atrocious attitude, but that would give Dean what he wanted, and Castiel didn’t want that. Slowly, Castiel stood up, the pain of his legs and arms feeling worse than they initially did.

“Hit me.” Dean said simply, placing his arms on his waist. 

“What?”

“You heard me. Hit me.” 

Castiel exchanged a confused glance with Sam and Jess. He turned to Dean to see if he was being serious and the grin on his face let him know that he was. “What?” He asked, “You’re not afraid, are you?”

He sighed, taking as step back. He didn’t know what type of game Dean was trying to play but since punching him was part of it, he was willing to play. His hands were still a bit frail from throwing hits at Sam and blocking his kicks, but he still closed them tightly and sent his fist flying at Dean’s face. 

But it never made impact, it’d been blocked. Dean stopped his hand by grabbing his wrist and bringing him closer so that he could knee Castiel’s stomach. He grabbed Cas’ face, breathless and pained from the sudden blow, “Oh, is that the best you’ve got? And you want to come along with me when all it takes is a simple kick to bring you down?”

Castiel pushed him away, weakly but he still succeeded in moving him. He breathed in, trying to take in the pain that dragged him down. If Dean wanted a fight, he was going to give him one. He’d grown tired of being his running joke. 

“Cas, if you’re not feeling okay—”

He raised his hand to stop Sam. No, he had to show Dean that he was worth it, that he could accompany him in this hunt, and that he was capable of putting up a good fight. There was this strange feeling boiling in his stomach that he’d never felt before…he wanted to release it…and Dean’s face was just asking to be the perfect target for it. 

“You want to try that again? It won’t change my mind, but it will be entertaining—” Dean was cut off when Castiel’s knuckles met his cheek. It wasn’t a strong punch to get him on the ground, but it did get him a bloody nose. 

But Castiel didn’t stop after that. Once he saw the damage he’d inflicted on Dean, he kept going, flinging punches and kicks at him, moving him back until he shoved him against a tree, before Dean started to fight back. 

His fighting was better calculated and strategic, blocking most of Castiel’s moves, but still receiving a few strikes to his face and body. He wasn’t aware at how intense their fight had gotten so quickly. It satisfied him. Cas didn’t feel this adrenaline rushing through him when he fought Sam and Jess, this was heavier, faster, relieving. Dean Winchester made him feel that way and it was strange at first, but he grew out of it. 

Castiel kicked Dean in the ribs, getting a loud groan out of him. He smiled, content that he could finally hear that sound out of him, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as the gasps coming from Sam and Jess.

Dean, a hand on his area of contact, looked up, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. How could a guy still look unbelievably handsome like that? Castiel didn’t look that way, he’d taken more damage. “That was good, Cas.” He smiled, “I knew you had it in you.”

“What…” The moment he relaxed, his chest felt like it was contracting from the inside. “What…are you trying…to say?” He tilted his head, puzzled, although it was a bit of a mistake since he’d forgotten about the bruise he had there. 

“Never mind.” He cleaned the blood with his shirt, “You know, I always assumed angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos—you know, Michael Landon. Not…this.” He laughed. 

Castiel didn’t know who Michael Landon was but he did know that he had to correct Dean on his belief, “Read the bible. Angels are warriors of God. I am…well, was as soldier.” He rubbed his neck, trying to make the pain he’d imposed on it to go away but he only made it worse. 

Dean straightened up and walked to Castiel, stopping when he was just a foot away from him, “You were good. You changed my mind.” He patted Castiel’s shoulder softly before he marched away and finished for the day.

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Day Three**

 

Sam made shooting a gun seem so easy, but it wasn’t. It was the third round Castiel had used up and he still wasn’t capable of hitting the middle of the drawing Jessica had made of a wolf-man.

Dean stood behind him, leaning against a tree, wasting an apple. While Sam and Jess were out for lunch, he was in charge of Castiel since it was his last day of training, they thought some time together would help expand their teamwork. Begrudgingly Dean obeyed, but he didn’t do anything to help Cas improve.

“Are you done eating?” Castiel asked, having him stand just stand there, eating, bothered him. He was tired; the three days of training had drained him. He could only imagine how much worse the mission was going to be. “I would appreciate your help.”

Dean took a last bite from his apple before throwing it to the ground. Castiel was too focused in the technique he’d use to finally reach the target that he didn’t feel Dean press against him. “Well…” He whispered into Castiel’s ear, placing his hand on his waist, “First thing you gotta do is relax…”

Castiel turned, his eyes meeting Dean’s. They were too close for him to be calm. “You’re very warm,” He was too concentrated in Dean’s green eyes to say something else. The last time he and Dean were this close together it was to distract him, this time…this time he didn’t know why…but he enjoyed it. 

“So are you.” Dean smiled, his hand slowly moving up Castiel’s flesh, taking his shirt with him, his fingertips sending tingling sensations all over Cas’ body. Dean was the only person who made him feel that way; it was weird, but good. “Relax, Cas…” He said, using his hand to keep Castiel’s arms up, pointing at the bullseye. 

“All you have to do is keep your eyes on the target.” His hand began to move down, touching the edges of his sweatpants, “Breathe in.” Dean instructed as Castiel gasped from his touch, his hand hot when it touched Cas’ stomach, “Breathe out.”

But Cas couldn’t focus anything else except for the fingers that pressed down on the waistband, slowly moving inside his sweatpants. “W-what…are you doing?”

Dean chuckled, “Helping you relax…”

He wasn’t going to deny that his method wasn’t functional; he didn’t feel as tense as he did a minute ago. “It’s working,” Castiel admitted.

“Good. Shoot, then.” He didn’t back away, he stayed there, holding Castiel close. That didn’t improve anything, but having him like that was like a unique sense of relief. 

His eyes locked on the terrible werewolf portrait. He breathed in and out, trying to forget that Dean was behind him, and pulled the trigger. The sound hadn’t bothered him like it did before, but he was happy that he got to shoot the target. It wasn’t in the center, but it was inside the lines. 

“Good job.”

“Thank you.” Castiel turned around, hoping that Dean would still be near him, but he wasn’t. He was farther than he would’ve liked. “I can’t thank you enough for this.”

“You sure it was just for that?”

“I…” He was speechless. How exactly do you respond to something like that? “Do you think I’m ready?”

Dean shook his head, “Absolutely not.” Castiel frowned, “But at least you won’t be bait.”

“That’s very reassuring.” He noticed that Dean wasn’t good with words, but he chose not to call him out on it now. He was still attempting to keep him from noticing his growing embarrassment from the previous event. “I’m glad I get to help you, at least.”

“You really won’t be of much help, but I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“That’s highly valued.” It really wasn’t, but he didn’t have the patience to deal with what was coming if he called him out on it.

“We leave tomorrow morning. Tonight, I’ll go over the plan with you.” He smiled at Castiel. This wasn’t as forced or meaningless as the other ones, it was genuinely nice, with a spark behind him that made Cas feel good inside. “I hope you don’t disappoint me.”

“I won’t.” 

“Then keep practicing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I imagined the song Light it Up by OneRepublic to be playing during Cas' second day of training.  
> I hope I still have you guys after this. Things will start picking up and a lot of Destiel is coming so please be patient, we're getting closer to the kiss (in case you're interested), I will not disappoint. At least I hope I don't. Thank you all for keeping up with the story, I highly appreciate it, every single one of you. Thank you so much for reading and please leave a comment!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part One of the werewolf hunt. Castiel experiences a new emotion while on the search for the werewolf nest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like how this story is coming out and this chapter is reflecting it!
> 
> ALSO HAPPY 2016 MY LOVELIES

**Ten**

Castiel didn’t know how long it’d been since he and Dean started driving, but he was glad when Dean made a stop in front of a dinner. “Lock the doors,” He said, “The werewolves should be somewhere around here and I don’t want them taking my baby.”

He nodded, reaching for the dusty, beige trench coat Jessica had given him, which he’d surprisingly grown attached to quickly, in the back seat. “The woman, Alana Stacy, is the Alpha right?” When he stepped out of the car, he did as Dean told him and locked it. 

“Yeah. The Beta’s named Jayce, her husband, I’m assuming. Our priority is Nolan,” The disappeared kid from Oregon, “Unless he tries to attack us. If that’s the case, you shoot the son of a bitch. They can’t move out of town without our knowing or we’ll have to start over.”

“Understood.” Castiel put on his trench coat, it fit him a little big but it was incredibly comfortable. Dean had complained about Cas bringing the coat with him because supposedly, it’d be easier for the werewolves to catch him. He would’ve left it behind if Jessica had let him. According to her, a cold front and storm were approaching and she didn’t want either of them to get sick. 

The ten hour drive had been a nightmare. There, he found out Dean’s unhealthy diet of beef jerky and large cups of soda. Every five hours, he bought Cas a burger meal from a fast food restaurant, quality that couldn’t match the one of Ellen’s diner. 

They’d been quiet, Dean trying his best at small talk that Castiel was never able to respond to. He asked him about his past, family, and lovers. Cas didn’t have much to say about any of those three. His past was too long to explain, his family might’ve forgotten about him if he was lucky, and lovers…well, that one was vacant.

“Wait, so you’re a virgin? Dude, you’re like what, twenty-six?” He remembered Dean asking with a wide, mischievous grin on his handsome face, “You have been with a woman before, right? Or a guy, if that’s what you’re into. Anyone?” He laughed when Castiel looked away, uncomfortable. “Seriously?”

“I’ve never had occasion.” Suddenly, the endless rows of trees seemed so interesting… Sure, television made him curious about sex, about the experience, but just never actually pictured himself in that situation.

Dean’s laughter was nice, being the first time he’d heard it, “You are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch.” And after that, with Dean realizing what he’d said, the awkwardness between them returning and staying for the remaining five hours of the trip. 

Before they arrived, they had a small conversation about music, Castiel’s taste in sound classifying as poor in comparison to Dean’s. He only liked blues, pop, and indie because that was the type of music that Sam and Jess listened to and it was enjoyable. Dean was more of a hard rock classics kind of guy, almost blowing up Cas’ ears when he played AC/DC at high volume as a sample for Castiel. For the remainder of their drive, Dean played his cassettes to show him was ‘real music’ was.

Stretching his legs again really helped Castiel with the soreness he felt from sitting down on leather for hours did to him. Dean advised him a few minutes prior to cover the bruises on his neck so that he wouldn’t raise any suspicions when they walked into the small restaurant where the werewolves were supposed to be at. 

They were greeted by an attractive waitress named Lydia, a strawberry blonde dressed in a tight white shirt and black short shorts, that couldn’t keep her eyes away from Dean. Of course, he winked at her as she led them to an available table next to the window, giving Dean a perfect view of his car outside. 

“Are your hunts usually this exhausting?” Castiel asked, knowing that Dean wouldn’t respond immediately because he was too busy staring at the waitress’s ass. “My back hurts.”

“Maybe it’s the training, you’re supposed to get sore or else it means that Sam wasn’t hard enough on you.” Honestly, Jessica’s hits ached a lot more than Sam’s. 

“I suppose…” Castiel shrugged. The fact that Dean’s attention was all over that waitress upset him a little bit. It wasn’t as if he cared, Dean often expressed about how they were allowed to have fun in these hunts but something about him having fun with her bothered him internally. If he wanted to waste his time with her, that was his business.

Nothing in the menu was appetizing, the hunger that he’d felt while driving no longer there. He didn’t know why, though. “What are you having?” He leaned in to ask Dean. Maybe he could have the same thing. 

“If I’m lucky, that waitress tonight.” He bit his bottom lip when the waitress turned to look at him to give a teasing smile. 

“You could do better.” Castiel commented, pretending as if he were reading through the list of options on the laminated paper. “She could do better too.”

Dean scoffed, “What does that mean?”

“Nothing, just thinking out loud.” He smiled up at him, his eyes meeting his for a moment before looking down to the uninteresting pictures of different meals in front of him. The double-meat bacon cheeseburger seemed appetizing and like it could satisfy his hunger. The other foods had different names that missed the point of the food they were trying to advertise. 

“Why don’t you find yourself a nice girl to spend the night with? Instead of judging me, you should do the same.”

“I’m fine. Sex isn’t important to me.”

“Well, that’s because you haven’t tried it yet, but I’m sure that after your first time, you’re going to—”

“There isn’t anyone I’d like to sleep with. Not now, at least.” He set down his menu, “What does it matter anyways? Why are you so interested in my virginity?” Castiel lowered his voice when the corner of his eye caught the tables next and behind him turning their way. “We’re here to look for werewolves, not to seek sex.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “You know, I wouldn’t have brought you along if I knew how much of a pain in my ass you’d be…”

That was when a waitress finally showed up to their table, young and not as attractive as the other girl, but pretty enough to get Dean’s eyes all over her. “Oh, did I arrive at a wrong time?”

Dean shook his head, sighing, “It’s fine.”

“I don’t have the best timing when it comes to couples talking about awkward topics.” She smiled nervously, “But if you need more time to cool off, my name’s Cecily and I’ll be over there.” Cecily pointed at another table not so far from theirs. 

“We’re not a couple.” Dean corrected her, a harsh tone in his voice. “And we’re ready to order, thank you.”

“Oh,” She blushed in embarrassment, “I just thought that since…you know what, never mind.” She pulled out a pink notepad and blue pen from her apron, “What would you like to order?”

Castiel spoke to her first, “I’ll have a glass of water and the double-meat bacon cheeseburger.” He smiled politely, not slightly ashamed that she’d just confused him and Dean for a couple.

“I’ll have the same thing, no onions, a side of fries, and a beer.”

She scribbled in her notepad briefly, “Alright, I’ll bring you your drinks in a bit.” She gave them another smile, this one seeming more forced than the first one, and walked away.

“What makes you think that the werewolves are going to be here, Dean?” He asked incredulously. The whole purpose of them coming here was beginning to fade when Dean started to hit on Lydia the waitress. “I’ve looked at the people here twice already and none of them fit the descriptions of Alana, Jayce, and Nolan.” There’d been a few that came close, their waitress being a close one to Alana, but they knew it wasn’t her. 

“They’ll be here, I’m sure. This town is where their nest is. And since when do you doubt me? Last time I checked, this is your first hunt and you’re here to learn. You don’t get to question me.”

“But I am allowed to, even if you don’t like it. You seem a lot more interested in that waitress’s body,” He gestured towards Lydia, who was leaning down to pick up a paper she’d dropped, grasping the attention of the men around her, “than in finding the wolves.” Castiel never imagined himself feeling this spiteful, but to him, it seemed hypocritical for Dean to spend hours scolding over being distracted when Dean couldn’t keep his eyes away from Lydia’s body.  

Dean remained quiet, his green eyes burning holes into Castiel’s skull, “Are you jealous? Is that what this is?”

Jealousy.

Yes, he’d heard of that sentiment before, the one capable of turning even the wisest men into brutes, the same one that usually caused conflict that lead to war, but Cas didn’t feel that way. He couldn’t, not over Dean. 

“Is that why you’re throwing a tantrum, because I’m paying attention to her and not you?”

Castiel could feel a heat rising up his cheeks, “N-no, I don’t even—it’s not like that!” He could feel an invisible weight falling onto his stomach, “I have to use the restroom.” He said abruptly, what else could he say? He was completely out of words. 

He stood up from his seat quickly so that he could avoid Dean asking him another question regarding his so-called ‘jealousy’. He made his way through the busy waitresses and waiters so that he could reach the room that said ‘Men’. 

It was a little dark, and smelled gross, but he was willing to take it any day if it kept him away from Dean Winchester. He leaned against one of the white marble sinks and covered his face with his hands. Is this really what jealousy was? It felt so consuming and sour in an uneasy yet angering way…he didn’t like it and he definitely didn’t think that his first experience of it would be because Dean was checking out a waitress’ butt. 

“E-Excuse me.” He heard a soft voice say next to him. It sounded so fragile and hurt that Castiel looked up to see who it belonged to. The boy, too young to look so dirty and tired, had wavy, dark hair that was messier than Castiel’s. His features weren’t as soft as the ones from the picture Dean showed him. It was Nolan Byrne. 

“Did you lose something?” He voice was low and a bit raspy, as if he’d been recently screaming.

Cas shook his head, “No, nothing at all.” He said. His eyes focused on his wrist, he had bite marks and bruises all over them it was almost a little painful to watch. Such a young face with scars so deep and painful. “What happened to you?” He asked, as if he already didn’t know. Jessica had taught him how werewolf bites looked and how to identify them. Nolan had seven. 

“That’s none of your business.” Nolan reached for the towel roll behind him.

“Sorry.” Castiel smiled at him, small and shyly, he didn’t want to give off that he was after him and the other two wolves so he walked out of the restroom, afraid that he might. He moved faster to the table where Dean was flirting with Lydia. If he had arrived later, he was sure that Dean would’ve had her sitting on his lap. 

He cleared his throat but Dean didn’t acknowledge him so he spoke up, “Nolan Byrne is here. I saw him in the restroom.”

Dean’s smile died off and he finally focused on Cas, “And? Did you see anything? Was he alone?” He asked then leaned in to whisper something into the waitress’ ear. He didn’t know what he told her but she had a wide smile on her face and she left happily. 

“I’m not sure if he was alone, but I did see a lot of bite marks and bruises on his arms.”

“That means he didn’t turn willingly because if it had been he’d only have one, allowing for the poison to go through him at its own pace. I’m assuming they wanted him to shift that same night to be able to take him away. You think he’s dangerous?”

“Dangerous? I don’t think so. He seemed tormented and was hostile.” Castiel looked around the restaurant again to see if he’d find Nolan anywhere. He was easy to spot with that messy hair if his and his tall stature. Nolan was sitting on the other side of the restaurant on the back corner with a brunette woman and a dark blond man. Alana and Jayce Stacy. “They're over there.” Castiel pointed. “Nolan’s not with them by choice.”

“Yeah, it’s obvious. He could still be a bad guy. With wolves it doesn’t matter whose side they’re on, if you threaten them, they will attack. I’m speaking from personal experience.”

“When will we move in on them?” Castiel reached for his glass of water and took a small sip. He could feel the excitement of the hunt rushing through him. It was exhilarating.

“Today, hopefully. We gotta find their nest first and burn all the fuckers down. For all we know, there could be more waiting or they could have more hostages like Nolan. Either way, we can’t be too sure.”

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Dean and Cas were parked at a motel, it was a little past midnight, and they were tired from their failure. “They misguided us.” Dean said, the grip around the steering wheel tightening, “They know we’re after them, somehow, and they want to keep us here until tomorrow, which is the first full moon of October.” 

Castiel had seen and heard Dean frustrated so many times before, it didn’t impact him as much as it used to. He wasn’t fond of his rudeness towards him just because they’d somehow ended in an abandoned warehouse full of heartless bodies. 

“But I’ll show those bitches. They want a fight? I’ll give them one.” Dean opened the door of his Impala and got out. Even then, it surprised him how the wolves had outsmarted them and sent another trio of werewolves after them as a cover. They’d been an easy kill but it still somehow got messy. At least it did for Castiel.

He knocked on Castiel’s window, “C’mon, we need some sleep to be fully energized tomorrow or—” He stopped when he saw that Castiel wasn’t paying attention, “You okay?”

Castiel sighed and wiped some of the dried blood off his cheek, he used his trench coat to cover the rest of the mess, “Yeah, yeah.” He lied, and stepped out of the Impala, “How old do you think that boy was? The boy I killed, I mean.” Bullet to the neck when he got too close and Castiel had trouble with getting the gun out of his jeans. Once he did, he pulled the trigger before Dean could help. 

“Does it matter?”

“It doesn’t.” He admitted, he knew the werewolf wouldn’t be as guilty if he’d killed him, “I just…I didn’t think of the toll when I said I wanted to join you on your hunt.” Castiel had felt so excited to do this, to chase the monsters through a foggy day, but he never imagined that killing would feel so terrible. His brothers were so emotionless about it; they made it seem as if it wasn’t a big deal. 

“Nobody does when they join this business.” Dean began walking towards the office of the motel and Cas followed. “I sleep it off. This kind of thing isn’t easy, the red flags are all there, and it’s up to you to ignore them.”

“Were you like this on your first hunt?”

“My dad trained me most of my life for that moment that when I killed that monster, I didn’t feel a thing. I don’t feel anything now. These things kill many innocent people without batting an eye; I don’t see why I should feel guilty.”

Cas didn’t say anything, he didn’t know how to reply to a comment like that. 

The office of the motel was refreshing with a pleasing smell of pine trees. A woman sat behind a desk, typing furiously until she saw Dean and Castiel walk in. “Can I help you?” Her name was Gilda, according to the name plate on her desk. 

Dean proceeded to the front desk while Cas got distracted by the painting of wild animals hung on the wall. The biggest and most detailed one was of a brown bear. “Yes, I would like a room for the night, please.”

She looked at Dean and then at Castiel, “One bed?”

“No, two.”

“Oh, having problems?” She asked concerned.

“Two beds.”

“Okay, that’ll be thirty one dollars.” Gilda pulled out a key from a drawer next to her, “Your room will be 102A. Have fun!”

Castiel could feel Dean’s anger all the way from where he stood, fuming stronger as he walked to him. In Cas’ opinion, there was nothing wrong with sharing a bed. “Why did she upset you when she suggested one bed for us?”

Dean paused and thought about his answer, his eyes locked on Castiel as if he had something curious on his face, “That’s because we’re not sharing a bed and I don’t see why she assumed we’d need just one.”

“Sam and Jessica sleep on the same bed and they’re fine with it.”

“That’s because they’re together.”

Cas tilted his head and squinted, “And you and I are not?”

“Not romantically.”

Now it was making a little sense. Still, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with sleeping on the same bed as Dean, many people in television did so, why couldn’t they? 

Their room was the second one next to the office, one of the few without a functioning light above it. The room’s painted numbers were mostly scraped off, but were still identifiable. Once unlocked, they saw that the room had two beds, both with ugly patterned sheets, next to each other, separated by a nightstand with a turned on lamp, but still pretty close to each other, and a flat screen on the opposite wall. 

Dean was the first one to shower, taking off his shirt and jeans before locking himself in the restroom, leaving Cas with an image that was probably going to follow him around for a while. Even then, he couldn’t deny how beautiful Dean was. It was impossible. 

He waited for thirty minutes, Dean was taking too long in the shower and Castiel had nothing to do except watch reruns of a show he’d finished with Sam and Jess several days earlier. It was a show about a human man falling in love with an angel woman, although he had far more chemistry with the angel’s trainee, a seraphim that showed more attraction towards the man than the woman did. The mythology was wrong and the hunts were easier there than the one Cas was going through. He wished it was _that_ simple. Overall, the show was watchable but lost it’s magic with every passing season. 

Castiel fell asleep when the episode where the human comes across a nest of vampires started, remembering that it was his least favorite from the whole season and show, forgetting that he needed a shower but he was too tired and still a bit traumatized from the murder he committed that he dreamt about it.

It bothered him that his emotions weren’t as jumbled as they should have. He had taken a life, despite it belonging to a man that planned to rip his throat out, it was still a life. Sure, he regretted it deeply, but he didn’t show it. He had been blank about it, only letting it get him momentarily before it totally disappeared. 

The image of the gruesome scenery he and Dean caused in the warehouse was replaced by one of his bedroom in the Winchester home. His room was dark except for the light created by the moon, which looked unbelievably large there. The only sounds present were of loud moans made by his dream self and groans made by someone else. 

His face was flushed, his mouth panting, his chest moving up and down drastically as his breathing became heavier, and his hands pulling on the sheets. If he could’ve, Castiel would’ve gasped. He was being pleasured by another figure that held his thighs, equally as blissed out as Cas was.

That figure was Dean. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH A LONG CHAPTER. I started writing and I couldn't stop! The next chapter though will be just as long hopefully and will include a longer scene of this chapter's conclusion ;) Please tell me what you think, I really liked the outcome of this chapter and I hope you guys did too! Thank you so much for waiting, I truly appreciate it!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of the Werewolf hunt. Cas deals with new emotions he feels for Dean as they're getting closer to ending their case.

**Chapter Eleven**

He didn’t know for how long the dream had been going on in the real world, but in his mind, it felt like forever. It wasn’t a bad thing, of course, clearly Dean and his dream self were enjoying themselves a lot but it did send a sense of discomfort, mixed a little bit with arousal, through him. 

In his dream, Castiel saw a different version of himself, one he never thought he was capable of, especially with Dean. He was grasping the sheets, tugging them every time he moaned at Dean’s thrusts and he buried his face in the pillows, despite their position making it almost impossible, to hide his blushing face but he looked so beautiful. It took some time for his conscience to admit it, but the way his eyebrows furrowed, his teeth bit his lower lip to prevent another sinful moan to escape him, and his eyes darkened in an unrecognizable shade of dark blue, gave him a new spotlight to reflect upon his exquisiteness. Now, he was aware that sex was extremely pleasurable to the receiver, but he never pictured himself to be at the end of that statement. 

His legs wrapped around Dean’s narrow waist, the other man’s fingernails digging into his thighs with sweat trickling down his toned body and breathtaking face. “You feel so good, Cas…” Dean whispered and reached for Castiel’s mouth to consume it. 

The last pair of lips Castiel ever wanted to kiss, even if he had thought about it the night he caught him with another boy, were Dean’s. Yet there he was, opening his mouth to allow an easier entrance to Dean’s tongue and pulling him from the shoulders so that they would be closer. 

“Dean…” He whispered against his lips, breathless from their kiss. His hands snaked around his neck so that he was able to get a hold of Dean’s golden brown hair. 

Dean backed away, his green eyes as intense as ever, even in his dreams, trying to figure out what they will be doing to him next. He ran his large hands all over Castiel’ body, being extra slow and cautious around the areas that made Dream Castiel gasp. “Tell me how you want it, Castiel.” Cas had heard Dean say his full name several times before but something about how he said it there, in the realm that was strictly for Castiel’s head, sent chills through him. 

He did not know how much Dean would be capable of inside a dream. Being underneath him, sweaty and about to explode from the heavy tension and the urge of wanting more, seemed like the peak of it, but he proved himself wrong when he replied, “ _I want you to fuck me hard._ ”

However, just as Dean grabbed his hands and placed them above his head in a swift move, determined to fulfill Cas’ sinful desires, he opened his eyes. 

“Jesus Christ, Cas,” He heard Dean say from the bed next to his, “You okay man?” His eyes stared at Castiel for a moment, unfortunately in the same way that they had in the dream, “Were you having a nightmare?” Dean was getting ready to leave at the time they had planned the day before. 

If having sex with him fell under the classification, then yes, “I…” He gulped, “I’m not sure…” He grabbed the bedsheets and covered himself as if he were naked and exposed.

“You’re not sure? What were you dreaming about?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head and ran his hands up and down his arms, feeling how warm he was. He would have never imagined that a sex dream would have that effect on him. “I’m going to take a shower.” He mumbled and stood up with the bed sheets still around his shaking body. Whether it was because about what he dreamt freaked him out or because the room was too cold, he did not know. 

Once he locked himself in the restroom, dropped the covers and sat on the edge of the bathtub. Why on Earth, Heaven, and Hell would he ever think of Dean sexually? Sure, the guy was very handsome, breathtaking to point that Castiel couldn’t comprehend, but enough to create a scenario where they had sex? The only thing he could do about it was to cover his face in embarrassment and sigh into his hands. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Dean complained about Castiel’s long shower for fifteen minutes but little did he know that Castiel spent all his time trying to wash off his growing arousal from dreaming about Dean on top of him. It took him thirty minutes to realize that the easiest way to do that was with cold water. 

“You know what forget it, it doesn’t matter.” Dean shook his head in disapproval, “Just don’t turn that into a habit. I can’t take you on anymore hunts if you’re going to take hour long showers.”

He looked at him, blue eyes wide with surprise, “You want to take me on other hunts?”

“I thought about it. Having a companion makes the hunts easier. And it’s interesting to figure out more things about you.” Dean smiled at him and stayed that way for a moment too long, it was actually very endearing. 

“I wish I could say the same thing about you.” He could feel the inside of his coat getting hotter and tighter, the same feeling that devoured him in his dream. “But it’s okay.” Castiel was curious about Dean, every day actually, and every time, Dean shut him down. 

He did it again that time when he focused on the road. It was as if the moment they shared had never happened. 

Every time he did that, Castiel felt as if it was his fault. Why else would Dean avoid him? He probably overstretched their conversation, which he really had not, and he had enough experience, personally and from television, to know that it made people uncomfortable. 

“To kill these werewolves, stab or shoot them in the heart or head with you silver, alright? If you want to get Nolan back, since he is not a werewolf by birth, our main focus is the Alpha Alana.” 

He nodded; the good thing about Dean is that he didn’t make his explanations sound so complex like Sam did. 

The road was getting lonelier, he noted, and the weather uglier. When they left their hotel room, the sun was out and the birds were happily chirping, but as they driver further into the forestry where the werewolves hid, the fog suffocated everything it covered, and the lighting became less. 

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” Castiel mumbled. 

“I am.” He turned to Castiel, giving him a look that reminded him how Dean didn’t like to be doubted. “Keep your eyes open, though, I don’t want for one of these mutts to hit us with another surprise attack like yesterday.”

That had been a mess, Castiel could tell from the way he entered the bathroom that morning and the trashcan was full of bloodied napkins and used needles from Dean’s injuries. When the werewolves ambushed them, they seized Dean first and left their marks. Cas had been lucky and had gotten away with a small wound on his leg. 

“Are you alright? Yesterday, those wolves beat you terribly, are you capable of fighting them today?” He closed his hands to hold back the urge they had of wanting to touch the green-eyed man that was driving. They had never wanted to do that before, it was odd they wanted to do it now. 

“I’m fine.”

The simplicity of his words left him unsettled. Any person with those types of injuries would be anything but. Therefore, Castiel sighed quietly and let it be. “I trust you.” He said. 

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I will.” Castiel didn’t know how he was capable of saying those words to the man who tried to choke him once, but he did and from the small, barely noticeable smile he’d gotten out of Dean, made him feel like it was a good thing to say. 

Their moment was interrupted when Dean hit the brake harshly. If it weren’t for the seatbelt safety and for the hand that Dean threw in front of him to keep him back, Castiel would’ve probably flown out the window.

“You okay?” Dean asked but his eyes remained on the front. Castiel didn’t answer because he was too busy staring at the panting boy that jumped in front of their car. He face was bloodied and his clothes were torn. Nolan Byrne looked worse at that moment than when Castiel found him in that restaurant’s restroom. 

He ran to Dean’s door and slammed on it, “Please! Please help me! I don’t want to do this anymore and they’re chasing after me! You have to help me, if they find me, they’ll kill me!” Castiel could see the tears flowing down his bruised cheeks, 

“Dean…” Castiel touched his arm. Perhaps that would soften the expression he had. Dean didn’t listen to him though and he reached for the gun underneath his seat. He opened the door, making Nolan step back in fear and he pointed the gun to his head. 

“Dean!” Castiel said from where he sat. 

“Stay inside, Cas.” Dean placed his finger on the trigger, “You’re not bait? You’re not here to distract us from finding your nest?” Dean had a tone that was unrecognizable. It was intimidating beyond description. 

“No, no! Please, you have to help me out of this, I don’t want to die in their hands, they’ll make an example out of me. I just want to go back to my family.” Nolan raised his hands in defeat, kneeling and lowering his head so that he was unable to look into Dean’s eyes. Castiel couldn’t have that so he unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car to stand next to Dean. It was the first time he didn’t feel smaller by his side. 

“Dean, listen to him. He wouldn’t be here if he were bait.” Castiel kneeled in front of Nolan, analyzing the wounds on his face. From what Sam taught him, he could tell that they were a little old and the dirt rubbed against them were beginning to infect them. “Did they do this to you?”

Nolan looked up to Castiel and nodded, “Yes. I…I didn’t want to do as they said anymore.”

“What did they want you to do?” Dean asked.

“They wanted to extend their clan and were luring in two college students into their trap. I know what it feels like. They used the same promise of a better life on them like they did to me before I was bitten.” He rolled up his sleeves to show the scars of several bite marks. “But I ruined their plan, I told the students not to fall for their words and that the life they have now was nothing in comparison to the hell that they would put them through.” He gulped, obviously hurting his bruised neck, “They lashed out on me, beat me, and I’m pretty sure they would’ve killed me if I hadn’t hurt them.”

“What did you hurt them with?” Castiel helped him to stand up, accidentally touching the open scratch on his elbow.

“I…I don’t know…I just reached for the nearest thing and defended myself with it…they tried to grab me but I got away…” He paused, “Please, you have to help me. I know you don’t trust me but I want to go back to my old life, I want to finish school and go to college. I want to live.”

“So, why’d you go them? Why did you put your life on their hands?”

“Because I was fool, an idiot. I thought that one family issue was the worst thing that could happen to me, but I was so wrong. They made my life hell in a short period; they made me do things I will never be able to erase. I want to be the same boy I was before I went with them. You have to help me, please. Please.”

Dean and Castiel traded looks, both standing with two different opinions on what to do with the begging boy in front of them. It was clear that Dean didn’t want to go through with helping Nolan, but Cas wanted to and once they knew of his situation better, Dean would too.

“Help me with him.” Castiel instructed Dean. He didn’t look so happy about it, but eventually and grudgingly did so. He grabbed one of Nolan’s arms while Cas the other and they helped the injured man to stand. 

“Thank you so much.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said annoyed, “In exchange for our help, we’re going to need for you to take us to their nest. Do they know we’re coming?”

“They have an idea; they think you’ll attack by night.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded, “If you lead us into a trap I’ll personally kill you. Do we understand each other?”

Nolan nodded, the fear that Dean inflicted on him obvious. Castiel couldn’t blame him, one cold stare from either of the Winchesters could send a man to their grave. He had gotten so many from Dean as a warning but none of them came close to the one he gave Nolan.

“Where’s the nest?”

“About ten miles away from here. It’s easy to spot since it’s a cabin in the middle of the woods. They’re alone at the moment but if they catch you, they’ll make a distress call for more wolves to come.”

“Get in the car.” Dean ordered, “Cas, go in the back with him, make sure he doesn’t do anything drastic.” He pulled a pair of handcuffs from his jacket and threw them at Castiel, who barely caught them, “Put those on him.”

“I-I’m not going to do anything…”

“We can’t be too sure on that one, kid.”

Castiel grabbed Nolan’s wrist, staring in disbelief at the damage they had in them, and unwillingly placed them behind his back so that he could lock the handcuffs in them. He didn’t know what surprised him most at that moment, that Dean carried a pair in his jacket or that Nolan keenly accepted Dean’s terms. 

After that, they drove for several minutes before finding the cabin that Nolan described. It was old and a bit run down, making it hard to imagine that anyone would want to live there for longer than a day. 

“The Alpha is Alana, she’s the muscle, Jayce, the Beta, is the strategist. They’re mates. Together, they’re untouchable so you have to separate them.” Dean and Castiel didn’t say anything but they understood. It was simple and logical. They could work with that. 

“Anything else we should know?”

“Don’t drag it out until night. They’re strong now, especially Alana, but under the presence of a full moon, they have higher chances of killing you.” He stopped and looked at them, “You’re hunters, right? You know this.”

“Of course we do, but you’re not the only type of werewolf to exist. Plus, there’s a major difference between a bitten and a born werewolf.” Dean explained, “You’re a werewolf, you’re supposed to know this too.”

“They also sleep a lot during daytime so at nighttime, they can hunt. I had trouble with that schedule, living all my life away during the day and all so I was usually awake when they weren’t.” Nolan’s eyes moved to the clock on the stereo, “They should be tired by now if they’re not done with searching for me yet.”

“Dean.” Castiel whispered, “What will we do if they realize we’re here?”

Dean turned around and made sure that his eyes found Cas. They stayed that way for a while; Castiel forgot that there was a boy staring at them in awkward silence. “You can do it, okay? I know you can, I’ve seen you in action, and I believe in you.”

Castiel smiled, “Thank you.”

Surprisingly, Dean returned the gesture and gave him a million dollar smile he had never seen on him before, it was highly charming and it made him blush.

“Come on, we gotta get going, we can’t let these sons of bitches get away from us again.” His attention returned to Nolan, “Are you sure they’re here? I’m trusting you with this, kiddo.”

“If they’re not here yet, then they should be getting back at any moment. Alana is very strict when it comes to preparing themselves for a full moon. These kind of things are like a weird ritual for them, close to like a cult. It’s terrifying.”

Dean nodded, understanding and processing everything Nolan told him. If Castiel didn’t know better, he would say that Dean was building up a plan in his mind. “Come with me, Cas. You need to choose a weapon.” 

Cas followed Dean outside where the weather had somehow worsened by getting cooler and more humid, it was becoming frustrating, especially for Castiel, who wasn’t quite used to this type of weather. Many angels talked about, usually negative things, but he never believed them and now it bit him on the ass. 

Dean walked to the trunk and unlocked it. He moved a toolbox and opened another compartment that had another lock. He always assumed Dean to be safe about his things but never this much. He had to admit though, that after he put in the numbers, he was expecting a few guns, but Dean had everything. He had plenty of guns and knives to take out and entire pack of wolves if he wanted, a box full of fake IDs and FBI badges,—Castiel spotted a few with a picture he didn’t remember taking—and several notebooks with pages shoved inside. Dean picked two very large silver knives that he didn’t think would fit in any place they tried, handed a closely big one to Castiel, and picked up two guns for them. 

“Each gun has a round of six silver bullets, do not waste them because using a knife would require close contact and that’s extremely risky.” Castiel grabbed the gun from his hand; somehow, this one was heavier than the one he’d practiced with. Maybe it was because Dean’s lips distracted him that afternoon to notice the actual weigh of the gun. This time, reality hit him on the face.

He probably would’ve thought about it longer if the sudden sound of glass banging didn’t ruin the moment. “Behind you!” Nolan yelled and it was then, that they finally heard the sounds of heavy boots running towards them. 

A man with golden brown hair rushing towards them, his fangs too large for his mouth. His target seemed to be Dean, the taller of the two men so Cas pushed him out of the way and let the wolf’s large body throw him against the metal of the car. 

He heard Dean’s grunts and woman’s voice growling. His vision was blurry but he could make out the familiar highlighted hair of Alana as she clawed at Dean’s chest. He felt a little too late when he tried to grab his knife out of his coat because he felt two large hands pull him up. Jayce was a handsome man underneath his dirty façade. His eyes were golden as expected for his werewolf status, and he growled. Castiel used his knife to slash through his stomach, but not piercing it and brought up his knee to kick his thighs. At least, he got him off. 

He turned to Dean to make sure he was doing all right and when he saw that he was struggling to get the female Alpha away from him, he brought up his gun and pointed at them. Dean and Alana moved a lot, so it was difficult to find a proper target. He chose to direct it at Alana’s leg, and pulled the trigger. The bullet brushed her leg, causing a flesh wound at the most, but Dean was safe. 

Dean looked at him and sighed in relief. Castiel could see the small fear in Dean’s eyes. The rage in Alana increased when she found Cas. He started running as fast as his feet would allow it but when he turned to see how much distance he had, Dean already had her on the ground again. Before he could process what he was trying to do, he heard three gunshots. 

The sound of it was louder when it pressed against someone than when it was away. Alana was dead. Jayce’s roar in anger proved that and when he started towards Dean, Castiel knew what to do next. 

He ran to them, watching as an enraged Jayce grabbed Dean and tried to dig his teeth into his neck. Castiel used all of his upper strength and speed to tackle the werewolf and push him away from Dean. 

Cas blacked out when he got a good grip of Jayce’s hands and straddled him. He reached for the knife Dean gave him from his trench coat and he brought it down to Jayce’s chest, the blood spurting on Castiel’s clothes and face. In his mind, he thought that stabbing him once was enough, it was close to his heart after all, but his hands never stopped and they kept piercing him until the wolf’s voice was gone. 

It took Dean’s arm around him to stop him and the falling rain to realize what he had done. He dropped the knife and looked at his hands. They were covered in blood, getting in his nails, and dripping down his wrists. 

“It’s okay Cas, you did what was right.” Dean whispered, helping him stand up. With every second, the rain became stronger, that he barely heard what Dean said. He wanted to cry, what he did was something unspeakable, even when he killed a werewolf boy the previous night hadn’t affected him as bad, but he could not do it, the shock numbed him. 

For that reason, he didn’t know what he was doing when he reached for Dean and wrapped his arms around him, hiding himself in the hunter’s remaining warmth. It made him feel safe for that moment, as if Jayce’s murder hadn’t happened and they were two lovers enjoying a hug under the rain. 

“It’s okay, Cas.” Dean buried his nose into Castiel’s dark hair, slowly placing his hands on his waist, inside his coat. “You’re going to be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter! I hope you enjoyed reading because I struggled a lot with writing it. The cause of the heavy delay was because my laptop broke and I had to get a new one and that took it's sweet ass time! But I'm slowly getting back on track with updates and I can't wait to start the next chapter because it's going to be long, Destiel filled, and hella fluffy :) Thank you for being patient, for leaving comments and kudos, and for enjoying the story, I cannot express my gratitude enough.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV. Dean has to care for Castiel when he falls sick and goes to a long time friend for help.

**Chapter Twelve**

Castiel fell asleep as they drove to Oregon to drop Nolan off. Dean felt tired and looked like shit but at least it wasn’t as bad as how Cas had it. He was trembling on his seat and gripping on the blanket that Dean had pulled over him and had no effect on keeping him warm. 

“D-Dean.” Castiel croaked, his voice raspier than usual, “Could you put out the air conditioner, its freezing.” The shakiness of his voice was barely noticeable but Dean caught it.

“The heat is on, you okay?” He asked and reached to touch Castiel’s cheek, expecting him to be cold and wet, but he was flaming in fever. He didn’t think it was possible for someone to get sick so quickly, Castiel seemed fine when they got into the car and when he fell asleep. “Cas you have a fever.”

“Is that bad? You said you had the heater on.”

He wanted to smile but he knew that it wasn’t the time or place for Cas’ innocent remarks. “That’s not it, I mean you’re really hot.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“You’re sick.”

“Oh.” Castiel said and fixed the blanket around him, “Is a fever contagious?”

“I don’t think so.” He paused, “If it gets worse though, it could.”

“Am I going to die?” 

It bothered Dean how bluntly he’d said it. “No, you’re not going to die, you’re just going to feel really hot for a couple of days as long as you take medicine. A fever is no big deal.”

“I don’t feel hot. Maybe my skin does but I’m chilly inside. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’m worried. Do you have medicine with you? I want this gone.” That was when Dean began to worry too. He remembered when he was younger and Sam was feeling the same way, it had not been pretty for either of the parties involved. 

Maybe he could help him with Castiel. He was really good with this type of thing. Either way he had to see that old man, it was his time to get paid and he couldn’t wait to hear the assignment he had for him like he expressed over the phone. 

“How was Nolan when you left him with his parents?”

Dean briefly looked at Castiel, he was extremely focused on the scenery that surrounded them, eyes wondering over landscapes he’d never seen before. “He was really happy and he didn’t want to wake you because he said you looked extremely tired. His parents were having a get together in his house and almost lost it when they saw him again. They were extremely grateful, especially his sister,” The image of the blonde, statuesque woman throwing her arms around him and kissing his face repeatedly played in his head clearly, “and they invited us over for Thanksgiving.”

“Do you want to go?” 

He shook his head, “Nah, Sam and Jess organize an amazing dinner that I wouldn’t miss for the world.” He the type who liked to brag about his relative’s cooking skills but Sam and Jess had a gift that was out of this world, mostly Jess with her delicious pies.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked, he seemed confused when he read a sign that read Welcome to Washington State! “Sam and Jess live in Montana. Are we lost? Are you sick too?” He tried to touch Dean’s forehead but he avoided him in time. Man, Cas was a different person when he was sick, it was adorable but it was starting to get on his nerves. 

“Jesus, Cas. We’re going to visit a friend. He lives nearby. I need to give him something and he needs to pay me. It’s a whole process that I don’t like to explain.” 

“So, he’s more of your business partner than your friend?”

“No, he’s my friend too. We have a history. He did a favor for me and I’m working my ass off to repay him but he’s actually really nice. You’ll like him, I think.”

“Do Sam and Jess like him? I trust their opinion more than yours.” He stopped, “Is this where people say ‘no offense’?”

Ouch, “They don’t know who he is, much less that he exists so I’d appreciate it if you kept your mouth shut. You’re the first one to go this far into my personal business.” It was difficult to admit but it was the truth. Dean had had many friends and relationships and none of them knew about this guy, no one had even come close like Cas was doing. 

“Look, there’s a lot of things that he does, both good and bad and I sort of help him with it.” It was much more than that but he was trying to put it in simpler terms. “He pays me in exchange to keep me alive, you can say, but I am nowhere done with paying back what he did for me.”

“What did he do for you?” Cas shifted on his seat, making sure that his body language showed the attention he was giving Dean.

As much as he would’ve liked to tell him, he couldn’t. That was something he kept locked away in his mind palace and he wasn’t planning on opening it for anyone. It was too much damage to remember. “You mind if I don’t say?”

“I do mind, but I’ll respect your decision. Can you tell me his name at least?”

“Cain.”

Castiel was thoughtful for a moment before his eyes widened in realization, “As is Cain and Abel? The Knight of Hell?”

Dean would’ve stopped the car to have a long chat with him about how he knew that, but Cain was expecting him at certain time and he was even more passive aggressive when he was late, “Yeah, what of it?”

“I thought…” Cas cleared his throat and when he spoke again, his voice was raspier than it was before, “I thought he was dead…the angels…they said he was gone after Abel…” He shook his head in disbelief, “No, no this can’t be.” His eyes were on Dean again, “And you said you were his friend?”

“Well, I kind of owe it to him.”

“You realize how dangerous he is.”

“Doesn’t matter, he’s cool.”

“He’s a murderer.”

“How do you even know him?” He was feeling a little regretful with sharing this part of his life with Cas, unaware that he would react that way. Dean expected him to be his naïve self and ask plenty of questions that’d annoy him before they reached Cain’s house. 

“The angels have a bounty on…” Castiel stopped for a moment so that he could sneeze. “On him, sorry.” He wiped his nose with his cover, “Do you have any tissues? I don’t think it’s sanitary for me to use my blanket to clean my nose and keep me warm.”

“I had a few boxes but Sam took them out a few weeks back for Jess. What’s this thing about the bounty, anyway? How long has it been going?”

“Centuries.” Cas yawned, “Unfortunately, the angels have spent most of their time being sidetracked; he has this trick that prevents them from finding him. It’s really good, impressive even.” He focused on Dean again, “Are you afraid that I may give him away?”

Dean shrugged, “If you have to then you must although I’d be grateful if you didn’t. He’s a close friend, like I said, and it’s not like he’s doing anything bad. I do most of his dirty work, if you’re interested.”

“You kill for him?”

“I owe it to him. There’s nothing else I can do for him, if there was I would be doing it already. He doesn’t give me anything I can’t handle, he’s actually pretty chill about this type of thing. It’s never complicated, he uses me to get something for him and there’s barriers that get in the way. For example,” He reached for his pocket and pulled out a small, leather pouch, “Cain needed an Alpha Wolf fang for a truth recipe. Nolan’s case was the closest and simplest one and so I went for it.”

“You didn’t care about Nolan’s safety?”

“That was a bonus. I’m not saying that these things make me emotionless, every case has its perks. It’s mostly sex from grateful victims or family members. This one was a boy’s return to his family.” Dean would’ve still had sex as a payment from Nolan’s sister if he had stayed around longer, but it wasn’t important. For some reason, it was hard to imagine Castiel’s face if he found out. 

They drove around for another hour when Dean found a dirt road leading into a Washington forest. It added fifteen more minutes to their silence before they found a wooden house with a red car parked in the front. 

“Stay here.” Dean told Cas and stepped out of the Impala. It was uncomfortable leaving him like that, but he felt even weirder having to introduce them. He was afraid of what Castiel would say and how Cain would read him. 

He knocked on the large door when he was in front of it, waiting around two minutes before the door opened and a salt-and-pepper haired man greeted him with a serious look while holding a red apple, “You’re late.”

“By five minutes.”

“You know I don’t like that, Dean.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like fighting an alpha wolf is easy.” He pulled down the collar of his shirt and exposed his bruises and wounds that Alana’s claws inflicted on him. “At least I got what you wanted.” Dean gave Cain the leather bag.

If there was anything he hated about Cain, was that he doubted Dean’s work quality all the time, it was bothersome. He inspected the fang, measuring it and testing it’s hardness against his front door. “You did well.” 

“Thank you.”

Cain reached for the inside of his jacked and gave Dean a very thick roll of money. As he did so, his blue-green eyes caught the man that waited in the Impala, “You brought another hunter with you; you know how I feel about strangers.”

“I had no other choice. Plus, he’s sick, I thought maybe you could help him.”

“What does he have?”

“A flu.”

Cain hummed thoughtfully, “I might have something for him.”

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Castiel got worse as the day went by. His coughing made it difficult for Cain and Dean to talk while they had dinner. It concerned Dean and disturbed Cain. He offered to prepare him a bath to calm down his chills while Dean cleaned up the kitchen. 

“You want to help him or should I? I don’t mind doing it but you might.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because,” Cain threw him a devious smile, “He kept asking for you, it almost gave the idea that you and him—”

“W-we’re not. He’s a friend, a close one.” It was a little weird that Cas was asking for him enough to make Cain look at them that way. “But I’ll do it. Not because I’m into him,” which he totally wasn’t, “But because he might not feel comfortable around you. You’re a great guy but you’re intimidating.”

“Whatever you say. While you do that, I’ll look for something to cure his sickness. Oh, and Dean? He has sore muscles so a little massage could help him get rid of that.” He walked away and Dean could feel his teasing him pushing all his buttons but he chose to stay quiet and make his way to the bathroom. 

On his way there, Castiel was coming out of one of the rooms that Cain typically kept locked up. They stared at each other for a moment, Castiel with puzzlement and Dean with embarrassment. He didn’t know if Castiel was aware that he was helping him bathe. “Are you going to bed?” Cas asked harmlessly.

“Cain sent me to, uh, help you in the shower. So you won’t slip, you know. He mentioned something about you feeling dizzy?” 

“You’ll see me naked.”

“People don’t take baths with clothes on so I’m afraid I have to.” Dean cleared his throat. He hadn’t seen it that way but he was about to. Images of a perfect, naked Cas flooded his head, increased his body temperature, and tightened his jeans. 

 _Shit_ …

“You don’t have to.” Castiel propped against the wall, trying not to fall from the headache Dean assumed was from his illness. “Never mind, I take that back.” He scooted to the bathroom and when he opened the door, steam blew out. “Let me, um, undress first and then you can come in.”

“What are you? Twelve? Dude, I honestly don’t care.”

“You may not, but I do.”

“What if you slip?”

“Then I’ll call you,” Cas sighed, “If you want to help me take off my clothes, all you have to do is say so.”

“I don’t…you don’t even…get in the goddamn bathroom. If you fall, then knock on the wall.” Dean had never felt so cornered in his life and now that he was, he was panicking and babbling like an idiot, “Just get it over with, you big baby.”

“There’s no such thing as big babies—”

Dean felt irritated, “Cas, get in there and into the tub.”

Cas slowly walked into the small room and took even more time to close the door. Dean waited for his signal and thirty seconds hadn’t passed when he began to get desperate. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling that way, these type of feelings had never reached him before, why did Cas suddenly awaken them. The last time this happened it was with…

No, he wasn’t doing this to himself. Castiel came nowhere near her. She, Lisa, was special, he loved her, what he felt for Cas was very distant to this. She and Cas were not at the same level and they would never be. 

The knock that Dean was waiting for was low and soft. His feet began moving towards the bathroom, the tension that wasn’t there before dropped on him so fast and heavy, Dean hesitated at opening the door. He couldn’t believe that he was doing this, or that he wanted to.

The vapor was stronger inside, setting a discomfort on him that was stronger than the one he had when he saw Castiel sitting down on the bubbly bath water. His knees were against his chest and his arms around his legs. “I’m sorry if I took long.” He whispered, “I didn’t feel—I wasn’t ready for you to see me.”

“It’s fine.” Dean took small steps towards him. He was aware of how wrong this would feel but now it hung on him. “I’m supposed to help you. Cain said a massage would help soothe your muscles.” He kneeled next to the marble tub, Cas’ eyes following him as if he were about to be harmed. “Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere. Cain said…” Cas gulped, “Um, he said that it was due to the soreness of fighting. I don’t know, really.”

“Okay, let me.” Dean was nervous to touch Cas, it was odd since he had an image set of the man in front of him that he was about to replace with a new one. 

His massage abilities were rusty and he didn’t quite know about how Cas felt about him being so close but the body heat that Castiel radiated only tempted him further. He put his hands on his shoulders and moved his thumbs to his back, beginning slow, circular movements.

Cas’ skin was smooth and pale, much paler underneath the dim bathroom light, and his arms were more muscular than Dean expected. He always thought that underneath those layers and layers of clothes, there would a walking twig of a man, but Castiel was strong and built, lean and full in all the right places, it was almost breathtaking. 

“Please be careful where you touch.” Castiel warned when Dean’s fingers traced lower.

How could he help himself, really, Cas was so delicate underneath him, he was so easy to make gasp it gave Dean a pleasing sense of satisfaction. “You don’t like it?” He teased.

“I never said that.” Cas shuddered and placed his hand on top of Dean’s, he probably didn’t realize what he’d done until a moan escaped him, “This feels so good.”

“Does it?” Dean knew it felt good, Cas wouldn’t be the first person he’d done this to, but Castiel was special in a unique way that he couldn’t pinpoint. The guy was hot, and amusingly naïve, but this was beyond that. 

“I should get sick more often if it means having you like this.” Cas laughed for a while and then it started fading, “Oh, no, no, I’m sorry I said that.” 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay. I actually like that.” Dean smiled and it felt real, which was a little out of place since he hadn’t done that in a while. The last person he had smiled to that way was Lisa. 

Thinking about her slowed his pace. “Dean.” Castiel, noticing the change, turned around, the water shifting with his movement and spilling on the floor and lightly onto Dean, “Is this making you uncomfortable?”

Their eyes met, neither of them knew what to do at that moment except look at each other as if they were the last two men in the world, “Don’t worry about it…” His hand touched Castiel’s forehead, “You’re still very warm.”

“Could be from the bath. The water is hot.”

“Are you still cold?”

He shook his head, “No, not anymore but that could change.” They remained quiet for a while, “For now, you should go. You and I…I don’t think we should be this close together.” He bit his lip.

“Oh yeah? Why not?” Dean leaned in closer causing for Cas to move away, almost slipping in uneasiness. “Am I so bad for you to handle?”

“Dean.”

“Aren’t you a little curious about what may happen?”

“I’m always curious, but you taught me not to be.” He gave a shy smile, one that made Dean feel warm inside. He’d developed an adoration towards a timid Castiel for some unexplainable reason, it wasn’t bad but he wasn’t fond of it either. 

“You wouldn’t like it. You’ve often expressed how little you like me. I don’t think this would change anything.” The coyness in him increased, Dean could practically feel it, “Maybe you shouldn’t, I’m sick and you’ll get sick too. I don’t want you to fall ill because of me.”

Dean couldn’t, the mark on his arm wouldn’t let him. “Whatever you say.” He was not going to force him into it either. He secretly wanted for Cas to give in though, he was interested about where they’d be now if he had. 

He’d felt this desire towards Cas ever since the night when he overheard him whispering his name. He was seconds away from falling into a deep slumber when the sudden panting woke him up. Cas grasped the sheets and buried his face into the pillow. The view was a total show, Dean would’ve never imagined Castiel that way, even in his wildest dream but there he was. 

A knock on the door interrupted their moment, well, whatever there was to it, and Cain walked in. He pointed at Dean and signaled him to meet him in the hallway. Dean, like a good dog, followed him outside. 

Cain held two small bottles in his hand. One had a thick, purple texture, and the other was transparent. “I’ve got two options.”

“Okay?”

“One,” He held up the container with the clear liquid, “We give Castiel this medicine, pineapple flavored, and he’ll be ready to go in two days, five depending on the illness.”

Dean scoffed, “Two days? I don’t have two days. If I’m gone for one more day my brother will get suspicious. Isn’t there a quicker way?”

“There’s always a quicker way, Dean, and that’s where option Two comes in.” He raised the second bottle with the purple fluid, “This one takes two to twelve hours to heal, again, according to how sick he is.”

“Then give him that one.”

“Of course, to every good thing, there’s a bad one behind it.” He smiled mockingly, “This medicine is very special because not only does it heal, but it also works as a truth serum due to its side effects of extreme pain and closeness in recipe.”

“Extreme pain?”

“Yes, the thing about it is that it goes into the system and works its magic around the virus, killing it and making the patient sweat it out as it does. The process is very painful.”

Dean hesitated in taking the bottle when Cain offered it, was it really worth it? Could he do this to Cas? “Do I have to do anything in exchange for it?” Apparently he could.

Cain nodded, “Have you heard of the case in North Bend?”

The name was faint but it clicked somewhere in his memory, “What of it?”

“I want you to investigate what’s going on there. Some colleagues have told me their theories about it, since a lot of people have gone and disappeared, but I want you to go. Only to take notes, there’s no need to bring me anything. My curse, my mark,” He grabbed Dean’s wrist and used his thumb to trace the symbol incrusted into his skin, “Will prevent you from getting hurt so you should be good.”

“What do you think is in there?”

“Personally, I believe it’s angels. I’ve seen this many times before and it’s usually when those white winged birds were involved, but I could be wrong. It could also be a very powerful witch since it’s not difficult to cast a spell to resemble those type of scenarios.”

Angel. Dean looked behind him to the door and Cain caught him, “Yes, I got that vibe out of your friend as soon as he walked into my house. He’s simple to read and his inexperienced behavior sort of gave him away.”

“You don’t really believe he’s one of them, do you?”

“Well, not now, of course. But have you seen his back, the markings on them? It looks like he’s hiding a second ribcage there. C’mon, Dean, it’s not hard to spot, I thought you were smarter than that.”

In reality, he had noticed it momentarily, but didn’t give it the attention it required. Castiel had a wide back, with an exquisite structure but when Dean touched it, not even touched, brushed past by it, and it had a weird feeling to it. Unfortunately, he was too concentrated in Castiel’s reaction to give them additional thought. 

“I’m going to bed now, Dean. If you’re going to give him that medicine.” He pointed at the bottle that Dean took, “You’ll have to keep a close eye on him, you’ll need to calm him down if this goes beyond four hours or he’ll have convulsions and possible seizures.”

“Are you serious?”

Cain gave him a stern look, “I never kid about my formulas. Really, it’s up to you. If you want this to go smoothly, then you’ll give him the first option, if you want quick but excruciating, you’ll give him the second. Understood?”

“Understood.” He waited for Cain to leave before he returned to the bathroom. Cas had gotten out of the bathtub, wrapped himself in a towel, one around his waist and another on his shoulders, and sat patiently on the toilet.

Seeing him like that, so harmless and unknowing of what Dean was about to do to him, made Dean hesitant about giving him the quick cure. The small smile on his lips made it even worse. “Is that for me?”

Dean glanced at the bottle he held, it was the purple, harmful one that he kept exposed, “Um, yeah. It’s medicine. Handmade by Cain.”

“You think it’ll help me get better?”

It definitely will and it would a very painful experience for the blue eyed man, “It will cure you.” He stepped closer to him, “Don’t know how it’ll taste, you may like it or not.”

Castiel took the bottle from his hands and opened it to inspect it, “It looks gross.”

Cas was worried, Dean could tell from the way he hesitated before pressing the opening against his lips. Dean wanted to stop him, his subconscious screamed at him to keep Cas from the upcoming agony, but it was too late. He finished the liquid in the blink of an eye. 

His eyes closed, nose wrinkled, and he gagged at the taste of the medicine. He didn’t look at Dean, but he could see the distrust developing from his body language, “That was so gross. Why would you give me that?”

“I said that you may or may not like the taste.”

“I didn’t.”

**-.-.-.-.-**

The side effects presented forty five minutes after Castiel took the medicine. It didn’t show at first, Cas fell asleep and so did Dean on a chair next to his bed while reading a magazine, so Dean thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Until the whimpering woke him up.  

Castiel was sweating up the bedsheets and pillows and scratching up his arms. Dean quickly sat next to him and woke him, taking Cain’s warning into consideration. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.”

“Wh-why, d-d-does it h-hu-hurt so m-m-m-much? I-is this…b-being h-human?” A shaky hand gripped Dean’s shirt and brought him closer. Dean could see tears swelling in Castiel’s eyes but holding back, Cas could see right through him, “What…w-what h-have you d-d-done to m-me?”

“I gave you medicine.”

“L-liar.” Castiel spat and his nails dug into Dean’s flesh as a wave of pain surged through him, “You l-lied to m-me.”

“Relax, Cas, or it’s gonna hurt more.” He sat down next to Castiel and placed his arm on his waist to bring him on top of his lap. Cas held on to him by the shoulders and quickly hurt him by burying his fingers into his back and dragging them down. 

Cain wasn’t messing around when he said it was going to hurt. It was more painful to watch for Dean, knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it. Castiel was breakable, Dean saw that when he grabbed him like he was the only thing that would keep him alive. Maybe he was, it all depended on how strong this cure was willing to go. 

It lasted two and a half hours, the only time that Dean felt as if the seconds dragged and made it feel like it had been twice as much. Through it all, Cas maintained strong, and allowed the disease to ooze out his pores. After it, he rested on Dean’s arms, ready to fall asleep, but not before complimenting Dean on how pretty he was. 

“You have so many freckles.” Cas smiled sheepishly as he traced the markings on Dean’s nose and cheeks. Dean could only chuckle in response, he refused to admit that it was incredibly cute, “The angels worked extra hard to make you this beautiful, Dean.” He whispered. 

“Thank you, I know.”

“If only I were as confident as you.” Castiel flashed him another goofy grin, “I’d be able to ask you for a kiss. My first one.” His thumb mapped out Dean’s lower lip, “Would you give it to me?” Now, Dean could see the closeness between this medicine and the truth serum that Cain mentioned. 

“Would you remember it tomorrow?”

A pained laugh escaped Cas, “I hope so. I’d hate it to be just a dream.” He sighed tiredly, “I feel much better, especially with you here.”

Dean cleansed the sweat of Cas’ forehead with a towel a frustrated Cain brought in earlier, “I’m glad.” He still had that kiss in mind, maybe he’d do it but the circumstances weren’t the greatest. “Go to sleep, Cas. You need it.”

“Will you kiss me then?”

“Maybe.” 

“Please do.” Castiel closed his eyes and Dean waited until he heard his breathing pacify. He made sure that he was truly asleep to contemplate on doing as Cas said. Kissing him would change whatever there was between them—if there was anything—and would take them in a new direction. 

Hesitantly, he caressed Castiel’s face and leaned in to push his lips against Cas’ forehead. If there was anyone up there to hear him, he prayed that what felt hat moment, would not grow any more than what it already was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS HELLA LONG IT'S GREAT. Thanks to everyone who has followed this story, it's truly flattering how much you guys waited. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please tell me what you think, feedback is always appreciated!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel investigate North Bend only to find something relating to the former angel.

**Chapter Thirteen**

Cas felt better when he woke up. Hungry, but better. His headache, fever, coughing, and runny nose stopped, and he could move freely without his muscles aching. The sound and smell of sizzling bacon made him sit up quickly and his nose followed the meal. Oh gosh, he was starving.

He sat down on the small table that Cain had set up for them to eat and served Castiel the first plate of breakfast. His hunger helped him finish it in five minutes, earning a proud look from Dean and a surprised one from Cain. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled with a mouthful of bacon and pancakes.

“It’s alright.” Cain said, “And expected. The medicine has that effect on the takers since you’ve excessively sweated last night, making you tired and hungry today.” He smiled at Castiel. “Dean, are you going to take Castiel to North Bend?”

“North Bend?” Cas perked up at the mention of the haunted town that Sam and Jess constantly talked about, “Why are we going there?”

Dean shrugged, “If he wants to go, then sure.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“What I gave you last night was dangerous. This would be another Tuesday for me.” Dean joked but his smile faded when Cas tilted his head in confusion. “Look, there’s a case in North Bend that you don’t have to go to if you don’t want. I personally thought you wouldn’t and I don’t mind leaving you in Montana, really—”

“Why would you think that I wouldn’t want to go?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Well…according to Cain…” Dean gulped and exchanged a nervous glance with the old man that was too busy peeling an apple out of entertainment of what may come next, “There’s a high possibility of angels being there…”

And right on cue, Cas dropped his fork as chills ran down his spine at the mention of the angelic figures. There was so many things that went through is head at that moment, he didn’t know how to deal with the fact that Dean would be going to a place where his relatives may or may not be at. 

He couldn’t think of what they might do to him. Would they know about Castiel through him? Would they hurt Dean to get to him or Cain? Not that he cared about Cain but he promised Dean to keep his location a secret and he knew how important that type of thing was to humans. 

No, he couldn’t let Dean do this alone. He wanted to be with him when he confronted the figures he once considered family. If there was someone they should hurt, it should be him because they’d be fools if the angels thought that he’d let touch a hair on Dean. 

“I’ll go with you.” Castiel declared, interrupting a conversation that Dean and Cain were having. “I can’t let you go alone. If there really is angels, you’ll never be able to get away from them. Doesn’t matter how hard you try.”

“You know how to handle angels, Cas?”

“I know them better than you might.” He pushed his plate away as he had lost his appetite. “I believe in your capability but I don’t think you’ll know what to do if you came across one there. If any.”

Cain cleared his throat, “I’ve dealt with angels before. I know how to kill them too, it’s easy to do if you’ve got the right weapons but it’s difficult to get to them. They know your moves before you do, that’s why you have to know how to outsmart and distract them.” He stood up, “Give me a sec.” Cain left momentarily, chewing on his clean apple before walking away to a room. They heard movement from a nearby room and waited for Cain to return with a pair of long, sculpted, silver blades. 

The sight of them alone threw Castiel off and he almost jumped out of his chair. He pointed a shaky finger at them, “Where did you get those?” 

“So you know them?”

“ _Where did you get them_?”

“I’ve got a few contacts.” He smiled deviously, “But the woman who got me these passed away a few centuries ago. The angels hunted her down for stealing them but never found the person whom she gave them to. Now you know.” He gave one of the blades to Dean, who admired them like a child did to a toy, “These are the only one that can kill an angel.”

“Oh. Can you turn them into bullets?”

“Of course you can. But you won’t because I only have those two and you’re not going to waste them for a set of bullets. When you find your own, then you can.” Cain’s blue-green eyes shifted to Castiel, “This doesn’t affect you anymore. You’re not one of them. You’re human. There’s plenty of things that could kill you besides this blade now.”

“Those things killed many of my brothers and sisters. If I’ve reacted that way it’s because I was always afraid of being the next one.”

“There’s several other things to be worried about Castiel.” Cain reached for a towel near the sink and started cleaning the already shiny blade even more, “Is anybody curious about what they might want?”

Castiel gulped, “Maybe it’s you. You are a runaway after all.”

“Yes, of course, but continuing to try would be incredibly pathetic of them. I’m sure they’re tired of looking for me. I’m tired of keeping myself hidden from them, it’s boring.” Cain said matter-of-factly, it was the first time Cas had ever found someone obnoxious, and he’d recently met Jackson Sloane. “Maybe it’s you, Castiel.”

“It’s not me, I didn’t do anything to them. Falling was not a crime.”

“Lucifer thought the same thing.”

“Please stop talking.”

“Come on,” Cain laughed, “What did you do? Dean, would you mind telling me how long your friend here has been on Earth?”

Dean shrugged, a little panicked that he was called out suddenly, “I don’t know. Weeks? Around a month and half?”

“Coincidentally the same time that the issue of North Bend has been going. Isn’t it ironic, Castiel?”

“Stop.” Castiel warned before turning to Dean, “We should go.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dean asked, “If it affects you, you don’t have to go. Who knows what the angels may do if they see you or if you have a price on your head for being here.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, I just didn’t agree with some of the things they were doing. The angels, they’re not the precious, fluffy-winged people that you humans paint them out to be. You know what they do in heaven with human souls? They use them for experimentation.” Castiel realized a bit too late that he’d spilled everything out of anger. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. 

“What do you mean they use them for experimentation?”

He sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore; it doesn’t matter. What happened, happened, I refuse to relive it, and if my brothers are really in North Bend, I would like to see them. Not to fix this, but try to calm it.”

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Cain informed them about what people saw in North Bend, from who’d been there, to the things that had been recorded and seen. Neither knew where he got that information since Sam and Jess stated that no one who went in, had gotten out. 

 Dean kept looking at Castiel with guilt and curiosity, obviously intrigued about what he had to say about the situation but Cas kept to himself and it quickly bothered him that three hours into their drive, he broke. “I’m fine, okay. I’m not nervous. Well, I am, I don’t know what they want from me. I’m scared that they might do something drastic, like they always do, and make things worse than they already are.”

“I know it’s difficult, I’ve been in these types of situations, but you need to keep calm because it doesn’t matter how nice these beings are, in the end, they’ll be like all their counterparts and use your fear against you. Do you have your angel blade, by the way?”

Castiel kept it up his sleeve, “When the angels have a grudge, they hold it until it’s satisfied. I’ve done it many times before.”

“What exactly did you do? You say it’s nothing but from the way you’re reacting, it’s clearly something else.” 

“I blew the whistle. The human soul experimentation was a secret and I was one of few who were exposed to it. I didn’t agree with it, didn’t know it was even happening, but it explained a lot of the new angels showing up in heaven out of nowhere.”

“How can you even experiment on human souls?”

“You give them Grace.”

“Grace?”

“It’s what gives us our powers, like our ability to fly and carry tremendous weights, as well as time travel and teleportation.” He wasted his to look like Jimmy Novak when he fell, “If the soul accepts the Grace, they become an angel.”

“And if it doesn’t.”

“They lose their physical form and turn into Shadows. The grace has to balance in the soul, if it doesn’t, it absorbs it and turns them into two-dimensional beings.” Castiel formed and intrigued Dean, he had never seen him so interested in anything he said, so this was a bit of a kick to his pride despite the heavy nerves on top of it. 

“Damn. So that’s what happens up there?”

“I’m not sure for how long it’s been going but I felt so disgusted when I saw it. They were my siblings, I defended them with all my being only to find out that they were just as bad as the demons down there…” His voice faded when his blue eyes made contact with the horrifying sight in front of him, even Dean gasped when he saw it. 

Just a little after they passed the sign of North Bend, about a mile away came the small town. Deserted, of course, with crashed cars by the entrance and on all the streets following. It wasn’t raining anywhere underneath the large, dark gray cloud that haunted over the unfortunate settlement, it was just tremendously cold and dark despite it being just minutes before noon started and the middle of autumn. 

“Stop the car.” Castiel ordered and opened the door before Dean was able to do so.

“Hey, do you know what this is?”

Castiel quickly responded as he stepped out of the black Impala, “No.”

“Wait for me.”

Cas tightened his coat around himself, this weather was unnatural for the time of the year, and it scared him to think of the reasons why. It frightened him more when he spotted the first person in the middle of an abandoned street in front of a diner. He was about to approach her, a woman with long, blonde hair in a flowered dress, but Dean stopped him. 

“I wouldn’t do that. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know where this is going.” Dean sneaked a gun into his hand. “If you’re gonna get near her,” He raised his weapon and pointed it at her, “Do it right.”

“You’re not going to kill her.”

“I wasn’t counting on it, but if I have to, then I will.”

Dean took small steps towards the woman and Castiel trailed, hiding behind his figure, hoping that the woman wouldn’t have a sudden reaction and attack them because Cas didn’t want for Dean to shoot her. 

For a moment, she didn’t move, not even her chest for every time she took a breath, only the wind passing through her golden locks. Then she started giggling, her cheeks crinkling at the gesture, her mouth dripping some sort of black liquid that Cas followed as it ran down her dress and legs.  

“What the fuck?” Dean muttered.

“Dean, don’t touch her.” Cas advised when Dean got closer to making contact and the girl’s laughter grew. 

“What do you want?” Dean asked. She didn’t say anything, she just pointed behind him, and Dean turned to Castiel. “What about him?”

“Leave it alone, Dean, we should just go.” He started pulling on Dean’s jacket, but he refused to move from where they stood, frustrating the former angel in a level he didn’t recognize. “You don’t know what she’ll do to us.”

“We could find out. That’s why we’re here, remember? Cain told us to investigate and that’s what we’re doing.”

“But Dean—”

“Get back in the car then.” The tone in his voice was one he hadn’t hear since they met. “This could be easier for me to do if you’re not here nagging at my ear.”

“Dean this is dangerous, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Cas, this is important. People have disappeared and possibly died. You want to leave that unresolved? You want for that woman to die in the hand of an unknown creature. We now know that they want you.”

“They could’ve meant something else. Dean, I don’t want to go. I like it here, with you.” Cas did not realize how close he’d gotten to Dean, but if this was the way to get his feelings through, then it was a boundary he was willing to cross. “We could leave.”

Cas’ words unmistakably hit something in Dean that was big enough to make him hesitate but not enough to define his answer, “Don’t make this about you. Listen to me, there’s obviously more people like her in here. We can’t just let this pass, it’s not in my moral code, and you have to understand that.”

“If they really want _me_ , you’re not gonna let them take me, are you?”

“No.”

An unknown sensation lit up in Cas’ stomach, it felt like the one that was described in romantic films. “I trust you.”

“Thank you.” He grabbed Castiel’s hand, their fingers tangling together, “C’mon, we still have an entire town to explore. Just stay close and don’t let go, okay?”

“Okay.”

The kept moving through the town, finding more motionless people inside diners, hotels, and a bank, all facing their way and watching them pass by. As they went deeper into the town, the more individuals started to crowd, eventually leading to the church situated in the middle of the settlement.

Castiel noticed that none them had a shadow, they were dead, soulless, and shadowless, all building up to the cause of this crime against them. This could only mean one thing, that after all that denial, Cain had been right. This city belonged to angels. 

A feeling immediately pooled in Cas’ stomach, totally different to the one that he felt with Dean, this one was macabre, sinister in ways that made the town into the ghost place that many stories described in their universe. He stood still, holding back Dean so that they could stop moving forward, but Dean tugged at him, forcing him to keep walking even though he shook his head in fear. “Dean, please, I have a bad feeling about this.”

“So do I, but we have to close this case.”

“Cain was right, there’s angels here, and they’re nothing to what you’ve faced. They’re much bigger and stranger and you and I are only human. What if we die?”

“I can’t.”

“You will.”

“No, Cas, I won’t. And if they hurt you, you can be damn sure that I will raise hell to make them pay. I’ll protect you, all you have to do is follow my lead and stay behind me, could you do that?”

Cas could barely materialize a comeback thought but he still nodded his answer. This was a different than the one he experienced when Dean tried to choke him, it was bigger, so thick you could slice it with a knife. 

Dean let go of Cas’s hand to open the two large, wooden doors that had scratches all over made by human hands, Castiel knew that from the way blood traced over the markings. The temple was lonely inside, with no trace of life, and darker than the setting outside, even with a few light up candles.

“I think there’s someone here.” He whispered, signaling towards a throne-like chair in the front, where they could hear movement, like something metal scratching against the wooden exterior of the seat. “Do you hear that?”

“Yes.” And suddenly, all the terror that Castiel felt earlier disappeared and was replaced by a soothing one that guaranteed his safety in a weird way. He recognized it from somewhere but he couldn’t define from where, his mind was too curious about the person who sat there, studying Jesus’ cross, to think of anything else. “Michael.” The name escaped his lips suddenly. There was only one angel with this much force who enjoyed to cause an entrance.

“Do you…do you know him?”

“He’s my brother.”

“I’m sorry?”

“My brother.” He repeated. 

They inched closer to the chair, both enchanted by the spell that Michael radiated, it was so strong and magnetic, and it was unavoidable not falling for it. Even their eyes followed the gracious figure when it stood up and their eyes locked with his when he turned to take a good look at the pair that tried to creep up on him. 

A wide grin developed on his flawless face; he had dark hair that could’ve easily compared with Castiel’s, and bright hazel eyes that gave a malevolent yet peaceful life to the eerie church. “I was afraid it would be another set of useless hunters, but I’m glad I finally got the people I wanted. Castiel…” He opened his arms, awaiting for his brother to run into them only to be greeted with disappointment. 

“What are you doing here?” Castiel’s tone was cold and he kept his blade close in case Michael moved towards him.

His eyes switched from one man to the other, “Obviously, we can’t discuss family matters in front of this gentleman, so…” 

“I’m not gonna leave him.”

“He’s a feisty one from what I can tell.” Michael chuckled at Dean, “I’m sorry, um, what’s your name?”

“What does it matter?”

Michael blinked in disbelief, “I asked for your name, not for you to be rude.”

“His name is Dean.” Castiel countered, “And I want him here.”

Castiel could tell, from the way that his older brother squinted, that he knew something about him, most likely something even he didn’t know he had stored away somewhere in his mind palace. “Alright. I want you to come home. Heaven needs you. I need you.”

“No, you don’t. You want me locked away so that I don’t reveal you dirty secrets.”

“I raised you Castiel, I could never punish you for having a reaction. But I don’t want you to rebel, I don’t want you to be like _Lucifer_.”

“Lucifer and I are different, don’t you dare compare us.”

“From the way you act, you could easily be confused for the same person.”

“But I’m not him. I’m human.” His eyes began to swell, and the tears he held back for so long threatened to fall. “You could kill me if you wanted to.”

Michael snickered, “No, you still have some grace in you. And I could never kill you. You’re the closest thing I have to a real family. I made you into the feared angel that many of our siblings envied. You can’t repay me like this, I taught you better.” 

“Look at what you’ve done to the people of this town.” He gestured around himself, it disgusted him to see little reaction out of his brother’s face. “You expect me to be proud of what you’ve done? These humans had a life before they came here and you snatched it from them, all because you wanted to get back at me. Michael, you cannot speak to me of good when all you know and do is evil. The only one here who can compare himself to Lucifer is you.” He rubbed his eyes so that his tears wouldn’t flow. He was stronger than this, he and Dean knew this, but the presence of his brother weakened him. 

Michael’s jaw hardened, “Castiel, I am not here to fight. I want you by my side again, I cannot let all those years of raising you go to waste, you are my creation and I can’t let you walk away from everything I’ve given you.”

“You don’t understand.” Castiel raised his voice, “I want to stay here.”

“Why?” Michael’s voice asked poisonously, then his eyes switched between Dean and Castiel, “Oh, I see. It’s this…human, isn’t it?”

Dean turned to the speechless Castiel. He couldn’t move, the only thing that could were his escaped tears. “Dean is special to me, in ways that you could never understand.” His feelings ganged up and tackled him, holding him against the ground to let Michael hit him again with the cold, hard truth. 

“So it is? You’re choosing some stupid feelings over your family?”

“You are _not_ my family.”

“You can’t say that to me, Castiel. _I made you_.”

“Stop saying that, because if you so much made me, I wouldn’t have rebelled. I wouldn’t have told all the other angels about what you were doing. You didn’t make me, you only showed me what you wanted, not what was right.”

Michael shook his head in denial, unwilling to accept what Castiel said, “You’ll come back to me, Castiel. This life, this man, will suck you dry of everything you hold dear and leave you worse than I did. Nothing is ever as good, and I’ll show you.” He took a few steps back, giving him the space he yearned. “You will be nothing without me.”

“That’s not true. I’ve become more in these months of life, than in my eternity of being with you. I’m sorry Michael, but your visit was unnecessary and unwanted. It was good seeing you again, but this family bond is broken and beyond repair.”

“And I won’t take you. Not me anyways.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“There are many ways to convince you, Castiel, and I tried to be reasonable with my proposal but it seems you don’t want that, so you give me no other choice.” Castiel gulped, the anticipation and distress of what he might say, was asphyxiating him. 

But Michael never answered because just when Cas thought that he might’ve, he disappeared and left the two humans standing in a dreadful church, both empty and curious as to what the angel referred to. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is super late and I'm sorry, but I'll make it up to you guys by telling you that the kiss has actually moved up a chapter! It may not be a big deal to anyone but it kinda is to me?? Hahahah, anyways enjoy and tell me what you think, please???


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel returns to Lettermen. Jessica takes him to a psychic card reader.

**Chapter Fourteen**

Jessica practically threw herself at Castiel when she saw him stepping out of the car and hugged the air out of him. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much, Cassie. I had no one to teach things to.” Somehow, in the days they were gone, she’d gotten taller. 

“You make it seem as if spending time with me was a bad thing.” Sam pulled her away so that he could use his turn to give an awkward embrace. “Jess kept showing me things I already know. Your absence was heavy around here.”

“What about me, loser?” Dean threw his duffel bag over his shoulder and he closer the back door of the Impala. “You didn’t miss your older brother?”

Sam shook his head, “Nope, I’m used to it.”

“You guys are acting as if you made Cas.” Dean moved past them, purposely bumping into Sam so that he wouldn’t apologize for it. 

“Technically,” Jessica started, “We kind of raised him so, in a way, he’s like our kid…or a younger brother. Either way, he’s incredibly special to us. You are too Dean, but like I said, we practically raised Cas, so he’s our outcome. He’s got Sam’s brains and my beauty and grace, truly a piece of art.”

“Whatever.” Dean said and disappeared into the house. Cas wished he could’ve stayed longer, but he wanted to recover his time lost with Sam and Jess. Jess was felt like family, a lot more than Michael, who treated him like a soldier. Sam was still adjusting to him, but Jessica was making him warm up to their case. 

“We were planning to go to town today, Jess wanted to go shopping and take Cas to get him new clothes as well. I was gonna hang out with Charlie and Dorothy since my girlfriend doesn’t want to spend time with me, but they canceled on me. Something about date night.”

“Oh, shut it, Sam.” She leaned in to pick her tall boyfriend’s lips, “We spent several days together and alone, you didn’t want to do anything then so why now?”

“I know,” Sam smiled down at his deviously clever girlfriend, “Just go, spend time with him, I don’t mind. I’ll try to…” His hazel eyes moved to the door of the house, “I’ll just try with Dean.”

Jessica wrapped her arm around Castiel’s, “C’mon, sugar, there’s so many things I want to show you today. I’ve been dying to have a special day with you.”

“You have?” Castiel couldn’t believe it, he didn’t think anyone would want to spend a day with him, or anything beyond to minutes as a matter of fact. He always considered himself too quiet, or easily breakable, when it came to interactions with strangers. His people skills were ‘rusty’, as Jess once put it. 

She nodded, “Yes, you’re a close friend to me now, and I’m sure you’ll need it after spending a whole day with Dean.” It actually hadn’t been as bad as she made it seem, but he couldn’t tell her about his bath experience with the hunter, or how they met his legendary murderer friend. 

“Would you like to eat first?” Jessica asked, “I already ate but I’m not sure if you have.”

His stomach grumbled at the thought of food. Cas forgot the last time he ate, Dean sometimes overlooked that he required food too. “Yes, I would like to eat first. If you don’t mind, of course.”

“Not at all, let’s go.”

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Sam and Jessica’s car was definitely different than Dean’s. He’d been there several times before but he never actually cared enough to notice. The seats were softer, the smell of it was newer and not of leather, car oil, and beer. It was dirtier though. Dean kept his ‘baby’ cleaner than himself. Sam and Jess threw whatever trash they had to the back seat when they didn’t put it into a plastic bag. 

Jessica liked to complain about it, but never actually moved the mess exactly like Sam. He understood why they liked each other so much, they were unbelievably similar in one way or another. Like the stars aligned specifically so that Sam Winchester and Jessica Moore could meet.  

She took Castiel to the Roadhouse, where the usually heavy population, slowed down for the day. It was a bit weird, but nothing to worry about. 

They had a big meal, Cas ate two burgers that made his realize how many times Dean starved him with small snacks and unhealthy drinks. Jess ate something small, more nutritious than him, but she evened it out with a large chocolate shake that she refused to share with Castiel when he asked for a try. 

“You can have some when you give me all the details about your hunt with Dean. We’ve been here over an hour and you haven’t said anything about it.”

Cas picked up one of his chili cheese fries and watched as the condiment fell off the potatoes, “There’s not much to say. Dean wasn’t as mean as he usually is. He was, what you may say…laid back?” 

“Dean wasn’t mean to you? That’s definitely a surprise.”

He understood how that could be shocking to her, Cas felt the same way when Dean didn’t spend their days together giving him shit for doing something wrong. There were times where he could’ve been a little aggressive, but never anything that lasted more than five minutes.

“Did you guys do anything else?”

“We saved the boy from the werewolves.” There was so much more hand that, and his face was giving it away because Jessica kept looking at him for more. “And we shared a hotel room. But that’s that.”

“You and him didn’t…”

“We didn’t what?”

“You know…” She kept hinting at something but Cas didn’t catch up to it. 

“I don’t understand…”

“Like, you guys didn’t get intimate…sexually?”

Castiel felt a deep blush creeping up on him, starting from his neck and slowly spreading to his cheeks. It was probably very obvious because Jessica giggled, but he didn’t understand the humor behind it. Sexually intimate? He only dreamt of it, literally, but Cas couldn’t bring himself down to think about what the actual experience would feel like. “We didn’t—No, we didn’t do anything like that. W-why would jump to that conclusion?”

Jessica shrugged, “Dean has a very colorful string of flings with both men and women. I’ve heard of some but Sam has told me that this has gone _way_ back. I just assumed that you and him would’ve done something.”

“We didn’t do anything like that. I barely…” He leaned in so that he could whisper, afraid that someone from the table behind them could hear them, “I don’t know how sex works between men. W-well, I do, but I don’t know it properly…” He had an idea of it of what would go where, but had nothing to prove him right. He’d seen so many TV shows show their interpretation of it, but even the programs with tremendous nudity and sex, wouldn’t get _that_ explicit. 

“Oh, honey.” She touched his hand. “Maybe you should…I don’t know, watch some videos? Many gay friends of mine say it feels great, but what would I know, right?” She laughed uncomfortably, “You could get some experience with someone?”

His blush increased. Just the thought of someone seeing and touching his naked body embarrassed him. The only person he wanted to see him that way, even if it was momentarily, was Dean.

No, that couldn’t be. 

He didn’t just admit that to himself. 

Apparently he did, and it only made him feel worse about his desires. Certainly, the sex dream he’d had with him was thrilling but only then. Thinking about it now was a little awkward, but he remembered his face there, he remembered how good he looked with Dean’s lips all over him, with his fingers tugging his hair and pulling him closer so that he could fuck into him deeper. 

 _Oh, god_. What the hell was he becoming?

“You okay, Cas?”

His eyes met Jessica’s. She noticed his mini blackout and was probably gonna ask about it, “Yes, I’m okay. I was just thinking about what you said. About how maybe I should educate myself on the subject. With someone?”

“But are you sure you like men, Cas?”

Cas didn’t care about sexual orientations, it wasn’t his main concern so he shrugged. What if the only reason he felt such a sexual attraction towards Dean was because he was close to him? He never saw Jessica that way, mostly because she was already with Sam, but also because she saw him as a sibling, or child, and he felt the same way about her. 

Sam could barely look at him without mocking his inexperience with certain subjects, plus he was Jess.

He wished he knew more people in Lettermen, but he didn’t, and so his only option was the reason he started looking for someone else in the first place. Dean was a beauty externally, it was the creator of the only fantasy Cas ever had, and probably of any upcoming ones, but he wasn’t sure if Dean felt something for him, and what kind of human would he be if he forced himself?

“I know this girl named Meg who finds you quite attractive. I’d introduce you if you’re interested.”

He shook his head. Castiel had never heard of a girl named Meg since he came into town. He knew a Ruby, and she was very pretty. “It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Are you into someone already?”

Could he say that his feelings for Dean were real? His feelings didn’t even know how to answer that, they just knew what they wanted, but not if it was going to last after they got it. “I’m not.”

“Okay.” She decided to leave it that way and continue drinking he milkshake. “Where would you like to go next? I wanted to get us a few new clothes, but I would like to know what you’re interested in. I don’t want to drag you along to places you don’t like.”

Like previously stated, he didn’t know Lettermen that well. It was a small town, secluded in the middle of the forest, with a crappy weather that changed every day, with many mesmerizing places and people but Cas never got around to actually looking at it. 

He turned to the window and see if he’d spot something he’d like then. There was maybe one store that was dedicated to antiques, another one to clothes for tall men, a café, and one called ‘ _Eden_ ’. It didn’t have a description underneath its title like the others, just the name in cursive and windows covered by thick curtains. “What’s in there?” He pointed to the shop and Jessica perked up at the sight of what he meant.

“Oh, that’s card reading!” She sounded excited but Cas didn’t understand the sentiment. He was mostly curious, because he remembered many stories that his brothers would tell him about card readers driving Kings and Queens into madness over fake predictions by handmade cards. “Would you like to go? The guy working there is very good with predictions, maybe he could give you a reading.”

He wanted to say that he wasn’t into it, but he’d be lying to himself. Castiel was inquisitive about what a set of cards would say about his future. “Yes, of course.”

“Well, c’mon, we should get going then.” She pulled out her wallet from her aquamarine colored purse, a very smaller one in comparison to ones Castiel saw on other women, and set a few bills on the table and a few more underneath her milkshake glass. 

They walked out of the Roadhouse, several eyes that had never noticed them before, following them as if they had secrets hidden underneath made Castiel uncomfortable because most of them were for him. Could they have known about his nature, or had the suspicions about his sudden appearance and striking resemblance to a disappeared man from the eighties finally burst with clues and possibilities?

Outside, the roads finally began to flood with activity. People were coming in and out of different places, driving to another, all of them going somewhere else that wasn’t the one where Cas and Jess were heading to. 

Eden was in between a coffee shop and records store. Unlike its neighbors, it lacked life. It had a few lights turned on, dark colors and strange marks on its walls, and, even if they were standing five feet away, the stink of candles was too overwhelming, and kind of disgusting. 

The door was decorated with a lot of bells and bead necklaces of pine wood. Inside, was everything Castiel expected, a mess. There was piles of books and papers stacked and pushed against every wall and corner. There was random drapes handing from the ceiling that smelled stronger than the few covered candles that the place had. 

On the other side, was a light haired man sitting on a small table in front of a red-headed woman, turning some of the spread out cards. One of them got her crying and Castiel couldn’t read which one of them was. The man doing the reading was expressionless, making it difficult to tell what he saw that made the woman hysterical out of nowhere. 

“Why do people come to him?” Castiel whispered, not wanting to disturb the session going on.

“His readings are incredibly accurate.”

“Is that so?”

“Everything he says comes true, both good and bad. That’s why his business is low. People are too afraid of what he might say, but curiosity gets the best out of them and they end up coming anyways at least once.”

“Have you done this before?”

“Twice.”

“Was the outcome bad?”

She thought about it, “The first time was when my family and I were passing by during a road trip. He told me that I’d be meeting the love of my life soon and that he would introduce me to a whole new world. A month later, my friend Brady presented me to Sam. We’ve been together since, and because of it, I was dragged into his hunting business when a demon wanted to use me as bait.”

He knew the second part of the story, Sam loved to talk about it, about his heroism for the woman he loved and Jess’ bravery and quick thinking for getting out of the situation, but it was fascinating hearing it again. “And the second time?”

“I was already with Sam by then. The second time predicted you. He told me that someone, a stranger, would show up to our house and he’d mean trouble but didn’t specify who. Sam and I had become paranoid, that’s why he was a bit of an ass when you came to us.”

“So why did you trust me?”

“Because Lettermen is full of hunters. The town is full of sigils that keep almost every monster away, so you would’ve barely made it alive to our house if you weren’t human. Sam doubted that, tried to categorize you as many things, but couldn’t.”

“Jessica!” The man that was reading the woman’s cards greeted them out of nowhere. Neither of them realized that he was done, they were too focused on their talk to notice. “When my cards told me that an angel would come visit, I assumed it’d be either you or Jackson,” His grey eyes moved to Castiel, “But I realize now that they meant your friend.”

“Gadreel, this is Castiel.”

The name hit him harder than the ground when he fell from heaven. It couldn’t be the Gadreel? The traitor of angels? The easily manipulated? He could go on and on about the many names that Heaven had for his brother, but the angel blocked him out. Now he knew Castiel was here and it disgusted him. Cas wanted no association with this… _Man._ He couldn’t even call him an angel, because if there was anything in the world that he could be, an angel would be the last. 

Easily, it could’ve been just another regular human with the name of a shunned angel, but after his meeting with Michael, he stopped believing in regularities. 

“I’m sorry, he’s not very good with meeting people.”

“Understandable.” He smiled sadly, “Are you here for another read, Jessica?”

“Um, no, Cassie was just curious as to what was in here.”

Gadreel laughed, a charming smile that perfectly hid all his crimes, “I’m guessing he didn’t like it. But it’s okay. A lot of my new clients react that way. Castiel…” He called for the blue eyed man that refused to look at him, “Would you like to know what the cards say about you?” He imitated the nickname Jess had for him and he hated it. 

“I don’t want anything with you.”

“Of course you don’t. But aren’t you curious about what the cards may say…?”

Now that he mentioned it, the cards in his hand did spark his wonder. What would they say about him, about the results of his fall or what Michael may do to him? Oh gosh…

What would the cards say about him and Dean?

He didn’t feel Gadreel touching him, leading him to the available chair under a bright light that reminded him of the interrogations that he would see in the cop shows that Sam loathed but couldn’t stop watching. 

“Before I begin, is there anything specific you’d like to know? If you have one, it changes the course of the cards and I have to use a different reading method.” He informed but proceeded when Castiel refused to answer. He was too terrified to ask about Dean, and had plenty other questions that he wanted responded but couldn’t pick just one. “Alright. So just a basic reading.” He started shuffling his deck, slowly and carefully. 

Every card had similar, hand-drawn decorations on the back and were bordered by gold and silver lines. They looked old, probably older than the store itself, but Cas assumed it was because his brother was the one to carry them with him throughout the years. “Since it’s your first time and Jessica is a close friend, I’ll give you a free reading. Are you ready?”

“Yes.” He lied. 

Gadreel arranged the cards in front of him. “Pick five.” When he saw Castiel’s hesitance, he continued, “Let your heart choose, not your head. Clear your mind, and don’t think about it.”

He felt as if the cards weighed on him, telling him to be careful about which ones to use and for that moment, he understood people’s obsession with this type of thing. His fate could be determined with what he choose. Each card held an answer to his future, but only the ones he chose would tell him what he wanted to know. So he started picking, without thinking about it like Gadreel asked of him. 

After he finished, Gadreel ran his hand over the unturned cards, a light sparkling in his eyes, which Castiel guessed was from his angelic powers. Jessica didn’t see it, but Cas caught it and it frightened him about what may come next. 

The first card he flipped was one of an old man dressed in black robes carrying a staff standing on the top of a mountain. “Ah, the Hermit.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”

“You’re feeling lonely, despite being surrounded by people who highly appreciate your presence. But it’s not from anyone you want, the one you want keeps turning their back on you, and it’s making you feel alone.” It was beginning to sound familiar and he wanted to leave, but there was four more cards to go.

“This is where the Emperor comes in.” He progressed to the second card, one of a crowned, golden haired man sitting on a throne, “The same man who’s turning their back to you, is the one that supports you the most. He’s allowing you to change him, not because it’s necessary but because he wants you. Of course, he was using that for his benefits at first, like every good king, in this case, self-proclaimed, mostly to know your intentions.”

He turned another card and Cas’ heartbeat increased. It was all too recognizable, it was getting to him. When Jessica mentioned the accuracy, he thought she was just messing with him and it turned out that she wasn’t. 

The following card was of a man hanging upside down, rightfully called “The Hanged Man.” As Gadreel mentioned, “This card tells me that, of all the things in your list, this man’s approval is everything you want, but even you didn’t know that. You’re willing to give up the only thing that’ll complete you, for him. You really shouldn’t though. You are great strength waiting to be unleashed but you’re more worried about what he might say if you do than what could happen. Perhaps if you stop making him your priority, you could do a lot more with yourself and you will because the Tower,” He showed him another of the cards he picked, “says that your reliance on him, is dragging you down, blocking you from exploring a world you don’t know. It makes you afraid because you want change, but you don’t know how to get out of you or bubble or his. You feel right around him, but don’t want to stay next to him…” Gadreel’s eyes widened in realization. “Is it because you’re in love with him?”

Castiel stood from his chair, everything around him suddenly collapsing on top of him. Is that what it was? No, it couldn’t be. He didn’t know what love was, he’d only seen it in television, so how would his heart react that way towards Dean? “That’s enough.” 

“You still have one more card.”

“I don’t want to know. This was a bad idea.” He walked to Jessica, who was looking through a few mythology books, “I want to go, please.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I just can’t be here anymore, I’m sorry.”

“Castiel.” Gadreel joined them, holding the last card he didn’t turn over. “Would you like to know what it is?”

“No.”

But even with his answer, Gadreel turned it around and showed him the picture of a naked woman and man kissing passionately in front of a rose garden. _The Lovers_ , it was called. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I wanted to introduce Gabriel in this chapter but I didn't know how to fit him in. He'll explain Gadreel's story.  
> Thank you to everyone who's kept up to this story, it means a lot to me that people look forward to it! Please tell me what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has to tell Dean something very important.

**Chapter Fifteen**

Cas’ heartbeat grew louder the closer they got to the house. How would he ever look at Dean knowing that a card reader called them lovers or that his dependence on him was considered love? That’s right, he couldn’t and Jessica stayed with him by the door.

“Maybe that prediction isn’t right?” Jessica tried to assure him when she saw that Castiel wanted to cry out of frustration.

“I am not in love with him.” Sure, his lips said that but his mind fought him on it. “I can’t be. I don’t know what it feels like to be in love. Especially with Dean.” He shook his head and overheard the action going on inside the house. Dean and Sam were laughing about something but he couldn’t make out what. It was one of the few times where he actually witnessed the brothers getting along like siblings, not rivals. 

“If you are, it’s okay. Nobody will judge you.”

“It’s not that.” He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up more than it already was, “Its _Dean_. What if…what if he finds out? What will he say? Not that I love him, but what if he doesn’t feel the same way about me, what will I do?” His brain kept telling him that if Dean rejected him, at least he’d get a first-hand experience at heartbreak. 

“Dean is not like that. He wouldn’t do that to you, not when he knows what rejection feels like.” She touched his shoulder and it made him feel slightly better. 

“He does?”

“From what Sam told me.” She started, “There was a girl, one that Dean really loved and she married someone else after dating him. I know there was more to it, but Sam and I only know that far. All we’ve heard is that it changed him in every way. So he wouldn’t break you in the same way he was.”

“I’m not in love with him. Those cards lied. I don’t know what it feels like to love someone. And I don’t want for Dean to be my first experience.”

That was when the opened and Castiel almost reacted violently with a punch. Thankfully, it was Sam. And that was when he saw it. 

The spark in Jessica’s eyes when they connected with Sam’s was evident. The effortless, shy smile that played on her pink lips and the grin that Sam returned. Everything about them, their body language, gravitated towards each other as if the universe decided to stop at that moment to unite these beings and allow them to be together forever. That was love and, in a way, and possibly one-sided, Castiel felt it for Dean. 

“I’m gonna go inside.” Castiel informed the two lovers that were still smiling at each other like a pair of high school teens that were about to ask each other to prom, but they obviously didn’t hear him so he proceeded. 

In all the time since he fell, Cas never thought that his heartbeat could be as loud as it was then, drumming inside his chest so rapidly and loud, it could burst at any moment.

What the hell did Gadreel know about love? He betrayed his brothers when he let Lucifer into the garden. Although Cas wasn’t anyone to talk, he was as much of a traitor, but still, he didn’t need some stupid cards to tell him what his feelings for one man were. They were paper! Nothing special!

And even if they were, what the hell did the Lovers mean? How did that fit into the prediction in the first place? First it was telling him to not be codependent of Dean, and then it was telling him something about some dumb lovers? 

It didn’t make sense.

And yet…

The thought frustrated him. How could he get his heart to stop this agonizing pain in his chest? Or the warmth that increased on his stomach, or that weird, sickening feeling of winged insects (like butterflies?) that suddenly rushed in his gut. 

It had to stop. He hated this so much because it was ugly, sickening, that he wanted to get rid of it quickly, with whatever it took because all of this was over Dean Winchester, the man who couldn’t make up his mind on whether he liked him or hated him. 

Speaking of which.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean greeted him and his voice was a sudden hit to the face. He completely forgot that Dean was supposed to be in the same room with him. “You okay?” He didn’t notice that he walked up to him. “You’re not feeling sick again, are you?” Dean touched his forehead with the back of his hand. Cas was sure that the heat that surged through him was mostly out of embarrassment rather than illness. 

He never noticed how green Dean’s eyes were or the incredible amount of freckles that decorated his handsome face, or how plump and beautifully crafted his lips were. Oh man, Dean was gorgeous. Castiel always told himself that internally, but it was the first time he gushed about it physically. “I’m fine.” He mumbled.

Dean chuckled, and it only added to the fire that continued to grow inside him, because his smile was so charming. “Okay, whatever you say. You did feel a little warm so if I were you, I’d wear that ugly trench coat to prevent another cold.” And getting it would require him going outside to Jessica’s car to obtain it but that wasn’t the focus.

“You think it’s ugly?”

“Beige isn’t your color.”

“Oh. What color is?” Not that it mattered, he didn’t care about what colors suited him or not but he was interested in what Dean had to say.

“Blue. Like your eyes. Gives you this sort of angelic light, ironically, that goes with you.”

“I never imagined you to be observant of that type of thing.” His voice kept getting lower, maybe it was because the tension was getting thicker. 

“People can change. Always keep that in mind.”

Their eyes met for that moment. Sky blue crossing with that mysterious shade of green that made Castiel melt on the spot. God, he was weak. For Dean at least, which the cards described as his flaw…

Ugh, those stupid cards. 

“I’m sorry,” He apologized without a reason behind it, which confused the oldest Winchester. Before Dean could make him explain, Cas had already pushed past him and walked towards the stairs so that he could go to his room like an angry preteen. Those pieces of cardboard were getting to his head because there was no way in hell that some fake prediction could determine his feelings over someone. Although, if they were telling the truth, why did it have to be Dean? 

Not that he complained, but whatever it was that they had, was so complex that the possibility of romance between them was far-fetched. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Later that night, Jessica invited Charlie and her girlfriend Dorothy over for dinner and had Castiel help Sam with preparations. Neither of them were good in the kitchen, so Jess intervened to make corrections with the cheesecake she assigned them to make.

Dean disappeared after Castiel left him in the living room alone that evening. He didn’t tell anyone of where he left to, but Cas categorized it as his fault.

For the rest of that day, he felt like crap over his feelings. He always thought that humans had a funny way of expressing and developing them, and now that he was one of them, it was so…weird? How could people go through life with these types of emotions radiating off them constantly and also hide them so well? 

His brother liked to talk about all these different feelings, and constantly ended with describing Love as the most dangerous of the bunch. Love caused hatred towards one thing while blinding devotion for another.  

“You know what I hate about Lettermen?” Sam asked him, getting him off his train of thought. “How quickly the weather changes around here.”

Jessica had him cut tomatoes for the lasagna, but he got distracted by the sudden mention of the environment outside. He loved to see weather change; from the way the sun shone brightly in the morning, how the leaves fell off their tree branches, and how easily it started to rain in town. It was his personal fascination, even if everyone else hated it. 

“I just hope Dorothy doesn’t bring those heavy boots of hers, she’ll leave mud everywhere.” Jessica said as she grabbed the cut up slices from Castiel’s board. Even if they were poorly done, she still used them. 

“Have you guys seen Dean, by the way? I was hoping he could get the chimney running, Charlie loves that thing.”

“You’d think that after all these years, you’d learn.”

“Have you ever had Dean teach you how to do something? It’s more frustrating than doing it, honestly.” Sam chuckled at his commentary. Now, he understood the humor in that because, as much as he liked to think otherwise, Dean was an easily irritating teacher. There was one time during their hunt where Dean had to teach Cas how to make a sandwich. It was difficult to tell him that Cas didn’t like onions, but he insisted that onions gave the ham and bread a flavor that the pickles he used as replacement couldn’t. It felt like the longest hour in his life. 

Charlie and Dorothy showed up thirty minutes later, just a few minutes after Jessica placed the lasagna inside the oven and the dessert into the fridge. Dorothy looked stunning as always, gracious and tall, and Charlie was behind her, telling her how there was no need to overdress for the occasion. She was more casual. Dressing exactly like a Winchester: plaid, jeans and boots.

Castiel enjoyed the interactions with them, the more conversations he had with people, the more they liked him. It was a little weird, at first, because he wasn’t used to the attention from anyone besides Sam and Jessica, but, as always, they were too busy giving each other lovey dove-y eyes to help him out of the questions that Charlie and her girlfriend invaded him with. Mostly, and fatefully, about his love life. 

“So, Castiel, anyone special yet?” Dorothy asked him when he set a plate in front of her. “You’re quite the looker, someone like you doesn’t go around town without turning some heads.” She deviously smiled. 

“No, unfortunately.”

Jessica joined their conversation, “That’s not what the cards said.”

His knees weakened at her words. Did she really have to say that in front of others? Hopefully, they wouldn’t ask—

“What did the cards say?” Charlie followed.

_Damn it._

“They didn’t say much just that I was in love. But it was probably a lie. I would like it to be. Not because I’m not looking, it’s just the person that the cards say I wanted, is not exactly a good person in my eyes or the ones of others.”

“And who did they say you wanted?” 

Like an idiot, he just kept throwing wood into the fire. “Some random guy…” Obviously, they wanted a name and yes, there were many. Let’s see…who else was blonde, colored eyed, freakishly handsome, and a smooth talker…The first one to come to mind, from the few outcomes, was…“Jackson Sloane?”

While Dorothy and Charlie gasped, Jessica laughed, and he reddened. Only Jess knew the truth, and he wanted to keep it that way. It was difficult to say that it was Dean with all these people looking at him with predatory eyes, waiting to devour his story. 

“But why him. No offense, but he’s a jackass and almost everyone in town hates him for that. If he really is, I just hope he remains loyal to you. He has a notable reputation about his flings going around in town. Be careful.” Dorothy warned.

Jackson was the last person he would’ve messed with, even if he was the last man on earth, he would never touch him or see him with the same eyes he saw Dean. 

No, it wasn’t like that. He couldn’t feel like that about Dean. 

Castiel sighed. 

At this point, who was he kidding? 

He didn’t buy it anymore. He had feelings for Dean, he wanted him, but he was afraid of rejection. Since he was younger, his biggest fear always revolved on what others thought about him and what they had to say. But he wasn’t used to it, because all his life, he only had to answer to one person, everyone else depended on him.  

Dean didn’t show up until after dinner was done, with a beer on one hand and a burger meal on the other. He ignored the confused looks from the house guests and brother and went on to eat in his room but not before his eyes connected with Cas for a few seconds. 

Jessica nudged him and his embarrassment returned quickly. He wanted to follow Dean and ask him what was wrong, after all, one moment of intimacy meant that their friendship scaled higher and was deeper than before. Right?

Either way he couldn’t because he felt that following him would be rude to their guests. Dorothy and Charlie really enjoyed his company so the only thing he could do at the moment was to continue their and pretend as if his desire for wanting to talk to Dean wasn’t bothering him. 

Who knows what it was about Dean that constantly drove him insane. Every time he saw him, he wanted to be with him, to comfort him and develop the same thing that Sam and Jessica had. However, he was aware that Dean didn’t want that with him. 

Dean preferred to lock himself in his room and watch violent television while devouring a greasy hamburger and drinking himself to sleep. That was if he decided not to marathon another show for the night like he did on the first night of their werewolf journey stay up until morning. 

He hated to admit it, but he couldn’t wait until their guests left because he wanted for the only boundary between him and Dean to leave so that it wouldn’t feel so awkward to go to him. Though, nothing was stopping him now. Jess and Sam were talking about some story that they lived with Charlie and a woman named Gilda, a name that brought jealousy to Dorothy’s face, then moved on to inviting them to their upcoming Halloween party. 

So he chose to leave and used the excuse that he was tired. Jess was the only one who didn’t buy it but went along, she even winked at him, which Castiel didn’t understand why, but he still left. 

He couldn’t believe he was actually doing it, but not doing so would keep him from sleeping that night. 

As he came closer to Dean’s door, the louder the sound of metal clashing became, which only made his knock on the door sound smaller than it was. 

The sound muted and heavy footsteps started towards him only to be greeted by puzzled green eyes that tried to figure out what he was doing there when he should’ve been with the others. “Hey.”

“Hello, Dean.”

“Can I help you with anything?”

He nodded and asked, “Do you mind if I come in?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Dean opened the door wider to give Castiel enough space for him to pass, “Yeah, come in. There’s a mess, so please ignore that.”

The last time Cas stepped into Dean’s room, not only did it smell and looked disgusting, but Dean tried to choke him. This time, it was a little different. His bed was made, his floor and furniture were clean, but the awful scent of oven grease and spilt beer combined and created an awful stench that could be passable after a moment. 

He sat on Dean’s bed, it was awfully comfortable, next to the chair he used to watch a show about dragons…Sam loved that show and once made him and Jessica sit through a marathon with him, but he forgot its name because he slept through most of it…something Thrones. 

“Is there a reason for you to be here?” He reached for his burger bag and held it up to him, “Would you like the leftover fries? I don’t want to throw them away.”

“No, thank you…and I’m here because I feel like I don’t fit in with them anymore.”

“What are you talking about? You seemed fine to me a while ago.”

Cas bit his lip, “They have such a history together, all of them, and I’m just a fifth wheel.”

“So why come to me?”

“I assumed it was alright since we’re…” There were many words he wanted to use, but couldn’t, “Friends. Friends are allowed to talk to each other, right?”

“So, you want to talk?”

“If you’re up to it.” He stopped when he saw Dean’s hesitation, “It’s nothing important, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I’m not really a chick-flick moment kind of guy but it’d be rude of me if I refuse.” He sat down, unmuted the television, and started devouring the fries. “What do you want to tell me?”

Where was that courage that built up inside him a while back? Why did it leave when he mostly needed it? Why would it betray him suddenly?

“Um…today Jessica took me to a card reader.”

“That so? How was it?” Dean was more concentrated in the dragon eating a warrior rather than what Cas said. He understood that the show was very entertaining but it wasn’t as important as the weight he had to get off his shoulders. 

“He said that…he said that, uh…okay, so he turned out to be a relative…his name is Gadreel and he’s a bad name up in heaven for letting the snake into the garden. Turns out he runs a shop here…” Dean still wouldn’t pay attention to him. What was his problem? “Could you please look at me? I don’t appreciate it that you’re more focused on that girl,” He pointed at a white haired girl that appeared on screen, “Than me.”

Dean chuckled, “Alright, sorry.” He turned off his TV and spun his chair so that he could be facing Castiel, “Go on.”

His voice lowered again, “Well, the card reader, Gadreel, told me that I might be…” Nope, he couldn’t do it. He simply couldn’t tell him that the cards referred to them as lovers. “I am more powerful than I think.”

It wasn’t a total lie, but from the whole set of prophecies, that one mattered less and was also the least jeopardizing. 

Dean was unimpressed, “That’s it?”

Castiel stood up and started pacing around the room in anxiety. This was so problematic… “Well, no, it was five cards, but three centered on my inner power.”

“And the other two?”

He backed away at the wrong moment. He finally got Dean’s attention and didn’t know what to do with it. “Never mind.”

“Now I’m curious.”

“No forget it.”

“Tell me, I won’t get angry.”

“It’s nothing.” If it were nothing, it wouldn’t be eating him like it was. 

“Cas.”

“Dean.”

“What did the other cards say?”

“They didn’t say anything important, I’m just overreacting.”

Now Dean sighed, but out of annoyance, “You’re overreacting by not telling me and it worries me.”

“Really, Dean, it’s nothing—”

“What did the two cards say?”

He sighed in defeat, “Funnily, that’s where it gets kind of complicated,” His growing nervousness made him laugh, “Because they said that…” He could feel sweat trickling down his neck and face. First Michael, now this. “I am in _love_ with you.” He took Dean’s silence as a warning to take it back before making it worse, “Not that I am, of course, those cards are just paper. Nothing special.”

Dean cleared his throat in discomfort. “ _Oh_.”

Castiel’s cheeks heated as he felt his filter come off and his words scramble in his head, getting ready to spill as soon as he opened his mouth. “I know it sounds silly because what would I know about feelings, when I have never felt them before becoming human. But you make me feel different, in ways I never understood and it’s become a burden that I have to live with because, since it’s never been something this strong, I don’t know how to deal with them.” There it was. And he didn’t stop there, “I see it with Sam and Jessica and picture myself in that situation, wondering who will be my Sam to my Jessica, and recently, a little before the cards, actually, that I started to see you in that empty place. I secretly wanted to be with you, it’s incredibly ridiculous, but it’s true and it took me a lot before I admitted it to myself, or even figured it out, because it wasn’t until the cards that I realized that all of this might be love. I might actually be in love with you.” He took a deep breath and allowed himself some time to cool down. 

“Look, I’m not going to say I’m not flattered, because I am, seriously, it’s good to know that you feel that way about me.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s just…well, you and I, as nice as it would be…we could never get anywhere.”

“What does that mean?” His words were certainly a boost to his self-esteem. They made his rant pointless.

Dean stood, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Cas stepped closer to Dean so that he’d be able to touch his face. For that moment, it didn’t matter what he said and thought earlier, he wanted to know that Dean, whether it was briefly or not, felt something for him. He didn’t want for this to be one-sided, it’d be a torture to live like that. “You’re not going to hurt me.” Though he could if he wanted, “These feelings are new to me, one of my first experiences as a human, and despite everything that you and I have gone through, they only developed for you.” Woah, where did that come from?

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t. You don’t know how much bravery it took for me to say this to you. Had I been an angel and you would be another human I found attractive, but I genuinely feel something for you and it’s special to me. If you don’t feel the same way about me, I understand, I do, I don’t want you to accept my feelings out pity. I want you to think about them because, as small as it may be, you like me too.”

Dean reached for Castiel’s cheek and caressed it, “Oh, Cas…”

He leaned in to his touch, taking in the moment they shared, trying not to think about how long it would last. Castiel wanted to remain that way for as long as he was allowed, even if his desire was mostly on Dean’s lips, but he took what he got, and he was willing to work for more if Dean wanted to try it as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing Cas' confession I felt like I rushed it but idk maybe I didn't. It felt right but at the same time it didn't???Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed, I wrote it under the thought that there's a surprise in the next chapter ;))  
> Please read and comment! Your feedback is always appreciated! 
> 
> PS: I have two potential fics that are both getting their first chapter written but I need an opinion. Would you prefer to read skin-walker!Cas or Vampire!Dean? Both have their whole plot outlined, I have just been deciding to which one I should publish first. Whichever you guys prefer will get their first chapter hopefully published alongside the new one of my other fic, Blood & Magic.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has been avoiding Cas' feelings, forcing Cas to confront him during Charlie's Halloween party.

**Chapter Sixteen**

Dean had a funny way of talking about things that bothered him, mostly because he didn’t. He went around the house, exchanging small conversations with Cas about how his day was going or if he liked that night’s dinner only to leave for the rest of the day over something pointless. That afternoon’s excuse had been that there was a movie marathon that he simply couldn’t miss. 

At first, Cas didn’t care. Could he blame the guy? He just went into his room and dropped all of his feelings on top of him, expecting him to accept them in some way. He didn’t take nor denied them, he just led Castiel on about his answer until he eventually gave up and let him walk out. 

Cas didn’t do anything about it at first. Right after it happened, he walked into his room and attempted to watch reruns of a sitcom, but the lame jokes didn’t make him laugh anymore, he just stared at the television blankly, waiting for something to amuse him. 

He told himself that it didn’t matter because, clearly, Dean needed space and time to think about it, to decide whether he wanted to take Castiel’s heart or destroy it with a simple yes or no. He wanted to think it was a little silly to let it get to him, but he didn’t even know if it was what he was looking for. 

Because of it, days went on and both men kept themselves in their bedrooms, each terrified of bumping into each other and having to talk about the elephant in the room. Cas was scared of it and Dean avoided it. 

It brought the whole house down with unattended tension. The first one to bring it up was Jessica when she was helping him get ready for Charlie’s party, because Sam was still catching up. It was comic book themed, so she bought a bunch of costumes and shirts to make him wear. 

They were already on their fourth costume and they remained unsatisfied. “No,” Jessica shook her head, inspecting the shirt she made him try on, “Superman doesn’t go with you.”

“What is Sam going as?”

“The Winter Soldier, or something like that.”

“And you?”

“A blonde Black Widow. Sam wanted us to have couple costumes.”

“…And Dean?”

“I doubt he wants to go, he barely goes to regular parties, much less a costume one.” She stayed quiet for a moment, but proceeded to ask, “Is there something going on between you two? You have been avoiding each other for a few days now, it’s creating an awkward atmosphere in here.”

Cas shrugged, pretending as if he didn’t know what she was talking about. “I haven’t noticed.”

She chuckled, “Oh, please, stop acting coy. Something went down between the two of you that you can’t keep a conversation going on for thirty seconds before you go away. That only happens when you’ve had a fight, a breakup, or you accidentally slept together. Maybe post-breakup hate-sex. Which one was it?”

He blushed and Jessica noticed, gaining a playful smile out of her, “It was none.”

“Your redness says otherwise.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Cas, sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything. That’s what I’m here for.”

She was right. Jess loved to remind him that he can count on her for anything and he would more than gladly tell her, but he was afraid that she might do a big deal out of it or start teasing him. “It’s okay.”

But Jessica wasn’t gonna take no for an answer and she spun him around so that her green eyes could meet his blue, “Don’t lie to me, Cassie.”

“Seriously, nothing happened.” He insisted but he knew that the blonde saw right through him. Eventually, he gave up. It was either that, or holding a weight over not telling her first. He sighed, “Okay, so…I might’ve told Dean that I l—”

“I knew it!”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“Because I had a feeling you would say something like that, I just needed for you to confirm it.” She grinned at him, “So, how did he react? Did he mistreat you, because if he did, I swear to god, I’m going to kill him.”

 “He didn’t say anything. Well, he did. He said we would never work out.”

“Oh, Cas.” She touched his cheek, like a mother to her wounded son, “Do you believe that?”

“I don’t want to. Because I really care about him, more than I thought I was capable of, and if he thinks that we might not work out, given the chance to date, then he might be right.” It was difficult to tell himself, but if he didn’t, then someone else would, and they may not be as kind about it as he was. 

Jessica lifted another shirt, this one was blue and red with a spider in the middle. Before she asked Castiel for his opinion, she crinkled her nose and set it aside, “Too juvenile for you.” She looked through a few more shirts and showed him a black one with a white skull. “The Punisher?”

“I don’t know what that is.” He mumbled and Jessica threw the shirt to the rejected pile. “Can’t I go with a regular dressing shirt?”

“Nope. Then the whole superhero costume party loses its purpose.” She looked at him again, “You are taking a superhero shirt and that’s final, alright?”

Cas smiled timidly, “Alright.”

“Good.” She picked up another top for him. This one had several people on it, all dressed in a yellow and black costume on top of an X-Men logo. Whatever that was, Castiel didn’t know, but it was aesthetically pleasing. He picked it. 

“Ah, yes, the X-Men. Sam is in love with those movies. Our first date, he took me to see one. It was a sequel so I didn’t understand it. I’m not a big superhero junkie like Sam is, but I like them because he does.” She smiled at the thought of her boyfriend, “But back to you, I honestly don’t think that you should go through with what Dean says. If you think you can hold up the relationship, then you do it, but you make sure to take him with you, or else, it becomes an effortless thing, a failed attempt at something that could’ve been special. You don’t want to go through that. I’ve done that and it’s more painful to carry it with someone who obviously doesn’t want to try, then admitting that all the warnings were right.”

He saw a temporary pain in her eyes, “At least you found Sam.”

She laughed, “Oh, Sam was more than my savior. He did as much work on me as I did on him. We were tired people that just happened to find each other through a friend. Maybe that can happen between you and Dean.”

“That’s the thing, he doesn’t want for anything to happen between us.”

“Do you?”

The thought made him smile and Jessica got what she was looking for. There were times where he would space off and think about what holding hands with Dean would be like, if his lips would taste like any specific flavor, or if his body was as gorgeous as he was. During a late night showing of some bad erotica movie, he thought about what Dean would feel like when they made love. 

“Sometimes. But only because it’s unavoidable.”

“Cas, it’s okay. I’m not gonna judge you.”

“It’s not about that.” He said quietly, although he did take Jessica’s opinion very seriously. “I just want to know that he feels the same way about me instead of keeping me guessing. If he doesn’t like me, I prefer he tells me now rather than later.”

“And you’re completely right.” She started urging him to take off his shirt so that he could change, “It’s not fair that you’re waiting on his say-so. You are a human being and you deserve an answer because this type of tension does things to people.” 

Cas took the shirt from Jessica and put it on. It was nice to see himself in other colors rather than the pastel ones that Sam and Jess got him used to. It was a little tight around some edges and when Jessica noticed, she worked on them immediately. The sleeves adjusted to his arms, showing off the muscle he was growing and the structure of a figure he didn’t know he managed to maintain. But something was missing. “Do you mind if I take my trench coat?”

“Why would you want to take it?”

“In case it gets cold.”

“You can take another jacket.”

“Yes, but that one is comfortable.”

Jessica laughed, “You know, when I gave you that thing, I didn’t think you would grow so attached to it.”

“It’s just really nice…and warm.” He went over to his bed to grab his coat and put it on, hopeful that he would still look good with it. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Dean did not show up to the party until thirty minutes after Castiel did. He wore a Captain America shirt that Cas remembered rejecting first when Jessica started showing him superhero options. If he thought it looked tight on him, it was deliciously tighter on Dean and Cas couldn’t help himself from biting his lip. 

For some reason, he felt perverted for being so obvious about his gesture, but it’s not like Dean was any better. He remembered that day where he couldn’t keep his eyes off a waitresses’ ass and nobody judged him for it. 

But how could he help himself? Dean was everything women from television dreamed about. Tall and handsome, bowlegged, sun-tanned, and so—Cas cleared his throat when he felt his mouth go dry—proportionate in all the right places. 

“Having fun?” Jessica asked him. He had not moved from his spot in fifteen minutes.

“Um,” He looked down to his red cup half-full of punch, “I guess it’s okay. I don’t know anyone.” He knew Dean but he was too busy giving heart eyes to a woman dressed as some superhero in a super tight leather outfit. 

“Why don’t you come join us? Charlie and Dorothy adore you, I’m sure they won’t mind having you around.” She started pulling him to her group of friend but his eyes remained on a flirtatious Dean. He hated the way she caressed his arms so lovingly. She couldn’t do that, not when Dean had important things to think about. 

Jessica’s friends consisted of Charlie, Dorothy, some dark haired girl, Jo, Sam, and a guy with a beard. They were quick to start talking about some movie they all watched together, leaving Castiel under the same situation that Jessica tried to get him out of. 

Unfortunately, Dean was still with that woman, closer than they were before, and an internalized rage grew inside him. Okay, maybe this time he could admit that he was very jealous but only because Dean often left him hanging, especially after Cas confessed to him. 

He decided he was better off looking at something else, like the people in the party, who all looked like they were having the time of their life. Cas did not understand how they could do that, then again, he didn’t understand many things.

Cas continued to look around the place, tightening his trench coat around himself when the winds got cooler, until his eyes spotted Jackson Sloane standing by the drinks table. 

Oh no, Jackson was there, and as soon as his eyes caught Castiel, he was already approaching him with a devouring look. 

“Castiel, right?” Somehow, in the time since their last encounter, his hair had grown, but wild locks of gold remained by his face. He had no idea who he was dressed as but he wore a brown leather jacket and he held a red helmet by his side. 

He nodded, “Hello and yes.”

“Which X-Men are you supposed to be, sweetheart? The angel?”

It was the first time Cas rolled his eyes, “It’s just a T-shirt.” His pickup lines also got cheaper.

“Right.” He noticed Castiel’s cup of punch, “You don’t drink?”

“I just did, this is my second serve.”

As much of a douche as Jackson was, he had a very charming laugh, “No, I mean like you don’t take a beer, or a few shots?” He pointed at a poorly constructed bar being run by a man with a mullet dressed as Superman, or at least he thought that was the name. “Ash over there does some kickass margaritas.”

“No, I don’t like that.” The constant stench in Dean’s bedroom made him stay away from it, “It’s not my thing.”

Jackson chuckled, “Sugar, it’s not your thing because you haven’t tried it.”

“I don’t intend to, thank you.” And the discomfort around him returned. How was it possible for a man to take away and bring back uneasiness in a matter seconds? It was impressive but highly concerning. 

“One drink is not gonna hurt you but,” He raised his hands in defeat, “I won’t force you either. It wouldn’t be very gentleman of me.”

“And what do you know about being a gentleman?”

Jackson laughed again in surprise towards Castiel’s comment, “Damn, every time I see you, you manage to do something for me to like you more.”

Castiel took a step back, “Who are you supposed to be anyways?”

“Jason Todd. Poor choice, really, since I’m blond and he’s not, but it was a cool costume and I don’t like wearing what everyone else might.” That would explain his unusually attractive set of clothes whenever he saw him while the people surrounding him dressed like they just got out of bed. “Honestly, I look great in it.” He leaned towards Castiel, “But I look much better without it. Wanna find out?”

It shocked him when he turned to Jackson and the first thing he stared at were his lips. Obviously, they weren’t as good as Dean’s, but they were high up there. 

“A little birdy told me that a set of cards said you might’ve been in love with me.” Whoever told him, was a backstabber. Jackson’s hand suddenly placed itself on his waist and the closer he got, the more obvious the smell of alcohol oh his breath became. “If you want, we could go back to my place and explore that further.”

Cas froze in his place, he couldn’t answer, but he was so glad when someone intervened. It wasn’t Dean like his heart secretly would’ve wanted, but Jessica. She got in the middle and set a distance between them. “Okay, Jackson, I think that’s enough.”

“C’mon, clearly he likes it.”

“Clearly you don’t understand how uncomfortable it makes him.” She stopped him from moving closer to Cas, “You’ve had a few drinks, I don’t think you should be hitting on him while drunk. You might say some things that are not too good.”

“Anything relating to him is always good. I actually kind of like him.” The rising volume of his voice caused some heads to turn and Castiel felt so embarrassed. 

“Okay, I get that, but if you’re going to compliment him the way you do, at least do it when you’re sober, honey.” She grabbed Jackson’s face, “If you hurt Cas, I will hurt you, are we clear? So, if you want to make your move on him, I want you to do it properly and sober.”

Jackson exchanged looks between Jessica and Castiel, who stood behind him like a scared child did with their mother. “Plus, it wasn’t you the cards referred to.”

“Jessica!” Cas said suddenly, breaking his silence and his body heating up.

She turned to him, “Do you want to lead him on like he’s doing to you.”

He shook his head, “This is different.”

“It’s the same thing.” Her tone was harsher than it had ever been. Something he had never heard on her. 

Castiel covered his face in humiliation, there were so many people looking over to them, and now Jessica was angry with him. Running away seemed like the best reaction, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it until a hand held his arm.

He looked up to face the only one Cas wanted to see, his green eyes throwing daggers at Jackson’s forehead. “If he doesn’t want you near him, then you stay away from him, understood? If you can’t follow through with that, then not only will you have Jess after you whore ass, but me too.” His voice lowered when his attention turned to Castiel, ignoring the foul words that Jackson retorted, “And you. You need to learn how to say no. You have this loser creeping in on you and you can’t do shit about it? What’s your problem?”

“It wasn’t my fault. I’ve never been under these situations before. And please let go of me. It’s starting to hurt.” He snatched his arm from Dean’s tight grip. “Besides, what do you care, huh? Weren’t you busy with cat-girl over there?” 

Dean scoffed, offended, “Is that why you let him be all over you?” 

“Again, what do you care?”

“I care a lot.”

Castiel pouted like a child, wanting for Dean to elaborate more on his given reply, but the only thing the hunter did was walk away, which, apparently, seemed like the only thing he was capable of. 

Frustrated, Cas followed, walking through the crowds, pushing some people aside, making sure he never lost the back of his head and ended up inside Charlie’s house, which was really large and spacious for two people. 

He heard Dean’s footsteps by the living room, pacing around as if he were lost and didn’t know what to do next. When Cas found him leaning against the kitchen counter, he groaned out of frustration. “I thought you were leaving.” 

“I’m just angry.”

“Angry about what? Jessica defended me because she was there. You only did it because you had to. Probably to impress that woman you were with.”

“Again with the girl, Cas. I’m a man, I have needs, and my needs have standards. She met all of them.” He ran his hand through his hair out of annoyance, “You know what? I’m not dealing with this. It is beyond ridiculous because I didn’t think I had to go to you for permission to hit on someone.”

Dean started towards the door and his action upset Castiel more, “You can tell her how you feel but not me?”

“It’s different with you.”

“How is it so different? All you have to do is give me a yes or no answer. You can’t continue to tease me in the hopes that I would forget about it someday.”

“It’s different because my feelings for you are _real_.” Dean’s eyes wouldn’t meet Castiel’s, “I don’t know how or when it happened but it was sudden and before I knew it, I also pictured a life with you.”

Wow. That was an interesting table turner, “How long have you felt this way?” He had so many questions to ask, so many things to say, too, but none of them made it past his lips. 

“I don’t know, Cas, it happened and it’s stuck around for a while.” He paused, “But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. You got what you wanted. Are we done? Because I want to go home.”

Cas went up to him, making sure that Dean wouldn’t leave, “Stay here, with me.” He insisted but could tell that Dean wanted to be anywhere else that wasn’t near him. “Please.”

“I’m not very good with my feelings, you basically pushed them out of me, and you want me to stay with you?”

“You’re a grown man, Dean, deal with it like one.”

“Funny, coming from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cas questioned, insulted. 

“You can’t give me space for a week to think about how I feel about you, and you’re telling me to deal with it? You’re being a little hypocritical there.”

He reached for Dean’s jacket, unintentionally pulling him closer, “Dean, please. Let me have this moment before you go away.” Castiel couldn’t keep a smile off his face, he felt a little goofy but Dean just admitted to actually liking him. Sure he always wanted this, but now that he got it, he didn’t know how to properly hide it. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For liking me back.”

Dean remained still for a while before responding, “You make it so difficult for me not to. Liking you isn’t a bad thing.”

“So why did you make it seem that way?”

Dean sighed, “I don’t know. I guess because I didn’t take them seriously at first, treated them as a short-living crush, but you weren’t like anyone I had ever been with. You were different in a good way. I wanted to be with you, but didn’t think I was deserving of you. We’re two different sides of separate coins.”

Cas caught himself burying into Dean’s warm jacket, at first for safety, but he realized later that it was because he wanted it. Dean felt so right, he was the positive side to all his negatives, and vice versa. To him, Dean was the only creature God got right in a bundle of failed experiments, including himself and all his brothers and sisters. 

Dean didn’t see it, but Cas’ eyes always saw the best in him now that he knew that what he felt for him was something deep and precious, that not even Michael could tell him about when he was younger, because not even the most powerful of archangels understood. He did, and as painful as it was in the beginning, Cas wanted to worship all the golden moments destiny gave him with the only man he wanted to be with, his experience of love. 

“Dean?”

He could feel Dean’s discomposure from the way his body tensed when Cas got too comfortable with him. Cas felt his arms move, slowly wrapping his around his waist. “What is it?” It wouldn’t be the first time they held each other in an embrace, and they were all special in their own way, but this one felt very unique, unlike any of the previous ones that put a bright grin on Cas’ face.  

Castiel got quiet, and he had his reasons to, he was close to making a very risky move, “I want you to kiss me.” He could’ve done it already, but he didn’t have the guts. If Dean didn’t do, then it would never happen.

Dean backed away and Castiel feared that he crossed the line. He looked down to his shoes in disgrace. What the hell was he thinking? How he could he ask someone to kiss him when he just forced him to confess his feelings after cornering him in a kitchen, as if he were about to assault him. 

But Dean didn’t say anything rude or walked away like Castiel expected him to, instead, Dean stayed still, thinking about the proposal and before Cas could ask him for an answer, Dean reached for his trench coat, yanked Castiel against him, and pressed their lips together. 

The Earth stood still for that moment, allowing them to savor each other like Castiel always daydreamed of. Dean’s lips were so soft, plush, and incredibly tasty, with an amazing flavor of pineapple and surprisingly not beer.  

Cas’ hands moved to Dean’s hair, pulling at it gently, mimicking the movements that women did in movies when they finally shared their first kiss with the man of their fantasies. Except that this was actually Castiel’s real first kiss, he wasn’t experienced as those protagonists, and with a man as dominating and slightly rough as Dean, it was a little hard to outdo him and it put him to shame. 

Kissing him felt wonderful. It revived all those butterflies that died off when Dean did not respond to his feelings when he wanted him to. He felt sparks setting off in the space that remained between them, sending electric currents through Castiel’s body, so strong it weakened him on the spot, making him feel like a teenager when they opened their mouths to deepen their kiss. 

Yes, he was in love with a man that only liked him. Who knew how long that would last but it didn’t matter then, the only thing that did was that he wanted his first kiss to be everlasting, for it to tattoo into his brain. He only wanted to hold Dean with his arms around his neck and make it last until someone caught them. Hopefully it wouldn’t be Sam or Jess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS LATE BECAUSE I WAS STUDYING FOR AN EXAM AND WHEN I WASN'T DOING THAT I WAS WORKING ON MY VAMPIRE!DEAN FIC. ALSO I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE I WAS FEELING VERY INSECURE ABOUT IT.  
> Please tell me what you think and thank you for giving me patience.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean fluff. Dean and Cas start a secret relationship.

**Chapter Seventeen**

It seemed silly at first, but Dean and Cas found a satisfaction in searching for places to kiss without getting caught. Dean’s favorite place was in his bedroom because he admitted to liking Castiel beneath him, and Cas’, apparently, was the broom closet, because he enjoyed it when Dean got a little rough and pulled him closer to press against each other.

Castiel felt like a teenager hiding from his parents, afraid that they may catch him with the town’s bad boy, which, technically, was basically that. Sam and Jess were the parents, because Cas had not told Jessica that Dean kissed him, and Dean was too afraid of being caught with Cas due to how protective everyone was of him.

That day, they chose to hookup in the laundry room, after Dean insisted of finding a new place again while he did a part of his chores. He had Cas sit on top of the dryer while he loaded the next washing machine.

Even in his deepest fantasies, would Cas imagine himself waiting on Dean to finish so that they could pick up where they left at. “Do you mind if I undress? It’s the last load of darks and jeans…”

He bit his lip, thinking about how it would be the first time he’d see Dean almost naked, since he wore his typical torn jeans and band shirts all the time. “No, not at all.”

“You don’t want me to wash that trench coat?”

“No, no thank you.” Jess made him wash it a few days ago and it still somewhat smelled like soap.

“You sure?” Dean asked and Castiel wanted to let out an irritated groan because Dean was taking his sweet ass time to start stripping.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” He smiled and kept himself settled, with his arms on his lap, anxiously tugging at his sleeve because he desperately wanted to see Dean shirtless.

And he wasn’t disappointed when it happened. Dean was godly-like, but not literally of course. More like, the human interpretation of them, with the tan skin showered in freckles, thick thighs, muscular arms, broad shoulders, and round, perfect ass sculpted by his black boxers. Castiel couldn’t help himself from biting his lip at the thought of getting his hands all over him.

“Okay,” Dean closed the lid of the washing machine and started towards Cas, “where did we leave off?” He smiled at the blue eyed man before pulling him down from the dryer and pressing him against it.

“Go easy on me this time.” Cas was afraid to touch him, fearing that if he did, he would melt as a reaction.

“I thought you liked it when I was a little harsh.”

“I do, but I have my limits.” Although he never thought about them like he should’ve. “Try to be gentle.” He wanted to savor the moment like the first time they shared a kiss, he didn’t want it to feel like they could be caught at any moment.

Dean kissed him, placing his hand on Castiel’s back to have their bodies line up to create a flawless sensation between them. The oldest Winchester felt much warmer without all those layers of clothes and Cas worried for his health because no man should be that hot, literally.

As always, he didn’t know what to do with his hands, there was so many places he wanted to touch and grope like it was only time he would be able to, so he settled for getting them into Dean’s hair and pulling on the short locks like Dean admitted to liking.

Even with all their hookups, Cas was still very inexperienced. Dean knew where, when, and how to touch Castiel to get him to surrender easily and Cas just kind of settled for whatever Dean wanted.

It was wrong of him to do so, but whenever they kissed, Castiel wasn’t himself. He felt free, like an angel again, with nothing to hold him back. He only wanted to be with Dean, kissing him, and feel like he actually developed a home in an unlikely place.

But he was suddenly woken from that dream when Dean’s hands moved down his back, to his lower back, and to his ass, taking a firm grip of it that it made Cas break the kiss. “Wait, Dean, what are you doing?”

Even with his reaction, Dean wouldn’t let go of his butt, “I thought you liked it when I was rough.”

“I wanted you to soften down a little.”

“Grabbing your ass isn’t?” The grip loosened, but his large hands still remained where they weren’t supposed to.

“Not the way you’re doing it.” He took Dean’s stare of confusion to proceed with an explanation. “I’m not saying I don’t like it. I’m not used to it that’s all.”

A devious smirk played on Dean’s lips, “You want me to get you used it?”

“Um, in a good way?” He looked up innocently, unaware of the things his pretty look did to the Winchester, but judging from the way a certain area of his crotch hardened, he got an idea. It excited him too, because it felt very good against him.

“Mmmm, in a very good way, sweetheart. I could make you feel so good if you wanted me to.” Dean’s mouth traced the outline of Castiel’s jaw with his mouth, nipping at it lightly, an action he’d never done before. It was a living dream.

Castiel gulped, “How would you do that?”

“Do you want me to tell you…?” Dean’s grip on his ass squeezed again, “Or show you?”

“Could we…” Castiel chuckled lightly, “take it slow, maybe? I know you’re not used to that kind of stuff, but I don’t want for us to be a heat of the moment thing, you know? I didn’t confess to you so that, uh…we could have…intercourse in a laundry room…”

“Alright.” Dean finally removed his hand from Cas’ behind. “So you wanna stick to making out? The light stuff?”

“If that’s alright with you.” Cas knew that he could put up with just about anything Dean wanted to test him with, but when it came to sexual stuff like that whole groping thing, he had to step down to draw a line.

Dean nodded, “Yeah, I can work with that.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss him again, “We’ll take this at your own pace.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

The last time Castiel ever felt as happy and careless was, during one of the few times Michael allowed him to wander the human surface. Although, there weren’t many humans back then, just up to Cain and Abel, and his brother allowed his cherubim self to walk around in the inhabited France.

It was full of daisy fields and tall grasses that a small-winged Castiel could barely look past unless he took flight. He remembered Michael playing with him as if he were a human man, and he his child, carrying him up in the air, and sitting him on his shoulders, telling him about all the good things that would occur in that peaceful territory.

Comparing that to what he felt for a man was ridiculous, he knew, but what else could he compare it to? Cas spent most of his life fighting for what heaven thought was right, allowing them to manipulate ideas into his head, until he finally took a stand and left. He worried about his siblings finding him and taking him back to face consequences, but when he was with Dean, he felt like he went back in time to the daisy fields.

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Jessica knew about Dean and Castiel all along, she saw it on the former angel’s face when they stepped out of the laundry room together. She didn’t keep it to herself for long and went into Castiel’s room to talk to him about it.

She sat on his bed, sweet talking Cas about telling her about his day before she abruptly brought it up while Cas was digging his interest through a crappy, but widely popular, vampire book. “How long have you and Dean been seeing each other, huh?”

Cas choked on his saliva, letting his book drop on his lap, “I’m sorry?”

“Oh, come on, Cas, don’t tell me that you and Dean weren’t hooking up in the laundry room!” She laughed at his reaction of surprise, “I’m not an idiot, I know you guys have been making out all over the place. The other day I might’ve overhead your grunting inside the broom closet.”

“You didn’t tell Sam, did you?” He whispered.

“No, I didn’t. Sam has to figure it out on his own. I want him to at least, it wouldn’t be as much of a surprise if I told him.” She placed a lock of golden hair behind her ear, seeming so harmless but Cas saw her in a different light then. Jessica was devious and she had Castiel where she wanted. “Why would you keep it a secret though?”

“If it were up to me, I would tell everyone that Dean and I were…” Dating? No, what they had was less formal, “seeing each other, but Dean prefers to keep it hidden. Not because he’s ashamed…he’s just afraid of what other may say when they see us. He said something about people being protective of me…”

“I’m glad he knows that because if he hurts you in any way, I will have his head on a stick. Dean has a reputation for playing around with the people of Lettermen, he cares very little about other people’s feelings, so I don’t want him to treat you like he does to others, okay? I know that you’re new to whole ‘love and feelings’ things, but be careful, especially around Dean. I wouldn’t be telling you if I didn’t know Dean better.”

Castiel sighed and covered his face with his hands, “I know, I know, but I really care about him and I feel like I could break through all those walls he’s put up.” He wanted to say that he loved him, but he felt like he would be contradicting everything Jessica just said, “He’s different around me, I can sense it.”

“Dean’s an amazing guy, Sam has told me so many stories, but he can kind of be a player. If there’s anything college’s taught me, is that guys will try anything to get what they want. Think about it, what if Dean is only acting the way he is to, like,” She leaned in to murmur, “ _Sleep_ with you?”

“You mean like sharing a bed?”

“Oh, sweetie, you still have a lot to learn.” She smiled reassuringly and placed her hand on his shoulder, “I meant have sex with you.”

“Dean wouldn’t do that.”

“I also thought that I would never walk in on him having a threesome with twins but it happened. I try not to doubt him about his decisions, whether they’re good or bad, because he’ll end up doing them eventually. He’s impulsive and does a lot of things without thinking of the consequences or who he may hurt on the way. I want you to be careful, okay?”

“Okay.”

Cas knew how to take care of himself as an angel, yes, but as a human? Like Jess said, he had a lot to learn. He’d seen on television the many techniques people used to hurt each other, it was crazy to think that someday, that may happen to him.

He probably would’ve considered it longer if a knock on the door hadn’t interrupted him. Dean opened the door without waiting for a sign of approval, since he really didn’t need one, and walked in, dressed in clean clothes and showered, “Hey, Cas, can I talk to you?” Had Jess not been there and he probably would’ve sat on his bed and started another make out session with him.

“Yeah,” Castiel set his book aside and stood up, “Just give me a moment.”

Jessica threw him a teasing look, “Don’t worry about me.”

Dean looked confused but before he could dive into it further, Cas grabbed Dean by the arm and walked him back into the hallway. “Is everything okay?” He immediately asked when he saw that the door was properly shut.

“Cain called.”

“What did he say?” It was the last thing he wanted to hear, but at least it wasn’t anything worse like a television break up. “Is it bad?”

“No, not really, he just wants me to get something for him and it’s all the way in Louisiana. We won’t be able to see each other for a few days; I hope you understand.”  Dean looked genuinely concerned about leaving him, and it set aflame a wonderful sensation in Castiel’s stomach.

“What does he want?”

“Siren’s blood. For another one of his creepy experiments.”

“When do you leave?” He reached for Dean’s jacket and brought him closer, “Please don’t say soon, I want to appreciate the moments before you leave.”

Dean buried his nose into Castiel’s hair, “He wants this done in a week, so I have to leave today. These cases, they take some time to plan and figure out.”

“Can I go with you?”

“Cain called you a distraction, and he’s not wrong, you know? If I have you around, especially now, I’m not gonna get anything done.” He caressed the side of Castiel’s face, “I’d love to have you with me, but I can’t. Not this time.”

Cas took his time to analyze Dean’s face then. He was beyond beautiful, every fiber of his being was crafted to make him perfect and he would never get tired of thinking about it, “I want you take care of yourself.”

“I will; I don’t know why you still don’t think so.”

“You don’t always return in the best of shapes.” He snaked his hands around Dean’s neck, “Seriously, Dean, take care of yourself.” Cas tipped in to press his lips against Dean’s, allowing themselves to taste each other for a few seconds before Castiel stepped back, “I need you to come back to me in one piece.”

“I will, Cas, I promise.”

“Keep that promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IF THIS IS LATE. BUT I PROMISE THAT IF I'M LATE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER IT'S BECAUSE IT'S GONNA GET A LITTLE ANGSTY. The chapter was a little shorter than what I have been delivering lately, but only because this was sort of a filler chapter to set up the upcoming important plot points, plus I wanted to give you guys some fluff to enjoy before I dropped the bomb lol. The next chapters will be longer though. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV. Dean has to find a siren in Louisiana and meets a new hunter.

**Chapter Eighteen**

Dean had rented a motel room to spend the night. An obvious decrease from his previous one indeed, but nothing he couldn’t deal with overnight. 

He prepared himself to rest his four hours by taking a shower, brushing his teeth, and dressing for bed, ready to give in to a profound, but temporary slumber. 

When he lay down, the first thing to appear on his mind when he closed his eyes, were Castiel’s beautiful, pink lips. He was either so tired he already started dreaming, or his body wanted a moment to relieve himself from all the stress he’d been going through recently.

The hunt had become a pain in his ass since the siren made it impossible for Dean to find it. Wherever it was, it better be praying for Dean not to fucking find it if it knew what was best for its miserable life. He was beyond irritated just thinking about continuing the day, that it seemed like his only gleam of pleasure was thinking about the man he’d been hooking up with lately. 

Throughout time, Dean had developed a special hatred for staying away from Cas longer than a week. It was already his second day in Louisiana and he already hated it. Of course, there were more reasons to hate the place, like the thick humidity and heat, but not having Cas by his side was definitely the worst part of it. 

He kept thinking about what his angel—believe it or not, he was the one that chose that cliché ass name—was doing without it, if he was having a good time, or even thought about Dean as much as the hunter did of him. 

Dean wasn’t sure about how it happened, but he’d become addicted to the taste of Castiel’s lips. They had, like, this special, permanent taste of different fruits to them with honey. Cas loved his fruit with honey thanks to Jessica, and it gave him this delicious flavor for every time they kissed. 

Even when he wasn’t around, Cain was right about Castiel, he was a tremendous distraction. Dean enjoyed thinking about him, all those secret make out sessions they had, and that perfect. round ass of his that just begged for Dean to take it. The last time he had ever felt that way about anyone it was with…

No, it couldn’t be anywhere near her. 

What he had with Lisa was intense in every sense of the word and all the ways it could be applied to a relationship. Then tragedy struck and Dean refused to go back to a place like the one he had with her. Cas was pretty close, he had no clue on how it began, but was there and everyday it grew stronger.

It wasn’t the first time that Dean had sexual fantasies about Castiel. It was shameful to admit, yes, but hey, it happened, a few times before actually, but that’s not the point. 

This time it was different. And only because Castiel admitted to love him. Days went on and it still bothered him.

 _Love him_.

They knew each other for around a month, and sure, he sort of had an idea about it and even flirted with him to see how far it’d go, but to the point where all his teasing, and even that one time he tried to kill him, would make him fall in love?

Not that he minded, Cas was a good-looking guy with an innocence radiating off him that he intended to manipulate in the beginning but melted him now like a teenage girl because it was so damn adorable.  

That’s mostly why his dream changed, because there was something new, growing and heating the space between them. The tension was so thick, Dean could slice it with a knife and it bothered him, because, inside, he wanted something with Cas, he knew it could be a pretty decent relationship if he tried hard enough. It worked with Lisa for a while. 

But back to the dream…it was different than the previous ones where he dreamed of Cas calling him daddy (it was very hot, by the way), finding him wearing a pair of black lace panties (don’t judge), or like this one he had, the most recent one, where Cas deep-throated him while they showered together…Dishonorable but exciting? Yes. 

Okay, so he dreamt about a dirty Castiel a few times, but it wasn’t his fault, really. Cas had this thing where he made comments that would be considered dirty in a human’s ears and Dean couldn’t help his mind from taking it up another level.

He didn’t know what sparked this one though, when all Cas did was confess that he was romantically interested and showed it through kisses and loving gestures. But his shitty, nasty as hell brain decided to make a mental porno of him and Cas heating up in his bedroom as they entwined between the sheets, rolling around a few times, until Dean finally took control and pinned a smiling Castiel by the wrists. 

His hair was messier than ever, definitely more than Dean’s, and a little sweaty from the rising temperature they created. Castiel was beautiful and perfect beneath him, his smile fainting and panting increasing as Dean continued to thrust into him. 

Castiel’s fingers clawed into his back, slowly dragging them down, sending a pleasurable wave of bittersweet pain through his body. They were like a pair of lovers that needed to be with each other in order to survive, desperate to please the other in one way or the other but they just needed to keep their bond strong. 

Dean kissed Cas deeply, his tongue exploring Castiel’s mouth, burying himself deeper into the former angel to gain those amazing sounds that only he could do so well as he stroked that certain spot that drove him closer to the edge with every thrust. 

Cas broke their kiss in favor of moaning out in pleasure, pulling Dean closer to him to run his hands all over his chest and shoulders, grasping and kneading the heated skin.

He was lost in those mesmerizing blue eyes that contained unexplored galaxies in them, so wide and precious that Dean didn’t believe could be so full of lust with every time they met his. He didn’t know what it was about him in that dream that he craved everything about Castiel, so strong it could easily be confused for…

“I love you.” He panted, kissing along Cas’ jaw, trailing down to his neck. 

“I love you, too, Dean…So, so much.”

Oh no. 

Shit, fuck, shit!

It couldn’t be…

No, Dean…he couldn’t feel that way about Cas. 

It wasn’t that clear yet. 

He opened his eyes and sat up. It was going to be a long night if he kept this bullshit up. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

Louisiana was a sauna. He was not used to that type of thing, and it was the middle of autumn, so there was no way it was over ninety degrees in a place where the sun barely shined. 

He wiped the sweat off his forehead as he put away his guns in the trunk. Dean was always happy to see his Baby, but that time he almost cried out of joy when he caught the black painted beauty on sight. She was a little muddy then, but God, she felt like home. 

When he sat on the cool leathered chair, the first thing he did was pull out his cellphone and dialed the house number. He was nervous that his brother or Jessica would answer instead of Castiel, because it would be a little out of place to ask for him, so as the ringing started, he prayed under his breath that Cas would pick up. 

“H-Hello?” The sleepy voice of Castiel croaked and Dean almost cheered when he got what he wanted. 

“Hey, sweetheart, did you barely wake up?” A goofy smile that imitated one of a teenager in love, played on his lips as he pulled out his keys to get the car running. “Long day?”

“You didn’t call yesterday like you promised, so I got worried and stayed up all night. Any luck?” He heard the creaking of the bed and shuffling of sheets. 

Damn it, “Uh, yeah, sorry about that. I got a little distracted. The hunt was exhausting that I totally forgot about calling you last night. Is everything alright with you?”

“Well, everything’s good now. I miss you, Dean. I want to see you again and kiss you.” Dean caught the shame in his words, the quietness in them as if someone were nearby. 

“God, I want to kiss you too, Cas, you have no idea. I need you.” 

“When are you coming back, do you know?” Cas’ worried tone started, a hint of desperation mixed with it.

“No, I don’t. I have no clue as to where that motherfucking siren is at. Cain did not make this easy for me. I’ve also heard rumors that there’s another hunter roaming the area and if they find that thing before I do, it’s going to screw up my task, and I’ll have to deal with a pissed Cain, which is not something I need at the moment, by the way.”

“Oh. I really wish I could’ve gone with you…” Castiel chuckled, “We wouldn’t have done much, but it could’ve been an improvement.”

“Shit, if I had you here with me, Cas…you’d be on top of me right now, straddling my lap, and I’d be kissing you all over as we grind our hips together.” He licked his lips, already thinking of what a blissed out Castiel would look like while wearing ass-hugging jeans that would make it, god, so damn easy to take a hold of that perky little ass of his. 

Castiel gulped, “Where are you now?”

“My car. Yeah, I bet you’re imagining this, the small space between us, the tightness of the seat. Just you and I, it’d be perfect.” His grin became devious because he could only picture what Cas was doing, what he was wearing, and how much he wanted it. “You doing anything to yourself? Any details you wanna add? C’mon, Cas…” Dean’s pants were tightening and the only thing he needed now was some release. If Cas could only do something about, it’d make his whole trip worth it. 

“Um, well, no, I don’t know.” Cas mumbled. “Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable to be in the front seat. It could get a little, like, suffocating, no?”

And his boner was gone… “You ever hear of phone sex, Cas?”

“Phone…sex?”

From all the things he wanted to do to and with Cas, the last one was having to explain what phone sex was. “When two people who really like each other, are far away, they call to relieve themselves using each other’s voices. You get pretty explicit about what you want your partner to do to you.”

“Oh. Is that what this is?”

Dean sighed, “It’s what I intended to do.”

“And in your fantasy we’re in the front seat of your car? You couldn’t think of a bed, or a couch? The Impala’s seats seem a little discomforting for something like that…”

“Well, it’s where I am at the moment. You know what, forget it. Let’s proceed, I need a bit of a stress relief.”

“Get a massage for that. I read in a magazine that those are really good for stress…” Dean’s silence spoke millions of words that described how he felt, “But you would like to continue with the phone intercourse, right?”

“Please, Cas.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” He sighed, “so, since you’ve never done this before, I’ll lead the way and I want you to touch yourself, alright? You do know how to masturbate, right, or do I also have to walk you through that too…?”

The other side of the phone was silent for a moment, there were two faint voices then. It was Jessica, and he couldn’t hear properly what she was asking Castiel, but it was not helping out his situation. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Um, Jessica just offered to take me to lunch, do you mind if we can continue this later? I really do want to do this with you, but Jess wants me to go with her. She and Sam just had a discussion and she doesn’t want to be around him at the moment. She just needs time to cool down.”

Dean wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel, but he forced a smile, “Go ahead, Cas, have fun. I’ll call later so we can continue this and you can tell me what happened between them.”

“I will.”

“Bye, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean, please take care. I want you back in one piece.” And the line cut. 

He groaned out his irritation of the situation. Dean was strained from the Louisiana heat, his pants were tight around him, and his dick was too hard for his own good. Cas’ voice had its effect on him and he wanted some form of release for wanting to hear it moan out his name when it reached its climax. 

The only thing he could think of was of finding someone to use, but the thought felt impure, even to himself and he was practically the god of impurity. Perhaps it was because of Castiel. They didn’t have anything serious, but it did feel intimate, and anything that could taint it, was wrong.

But he needed this, and his man urges were pulling at him, begging him to go to a bar a pick up a local chick that would at least blow him. 

God, he hated himself, and he didn’t do anything to stop it either, because next thing he knew, he was driving off. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

The fact that the goddamn siren was still out there, mocking him, bothered Dean, so he did not stop by a bar like he intended to, until he at least found that stupid creature somewhere.

And after hours and hours of searching he found it by motel, taking one of its victims to a nearby room. It disguised itself as a beautiful woman for him, dark hair, bright eyes, voluptuous, the perfect fantasy to every man. She stood out from the other women in the crowd, because even though Louisiana had its batch of stunning women, it wasn’t near her. 

He followed the pair, almost reaching the parking lot, but something caught his interest. Near the door was a young, red-haired woman. She was quick and gracious when she picked the door lock. Dean was impressed by her actions, but didn’t expect her to go into the room. 

Dean ran towards the room, hoping that this woman wasn’t the hunter he’d heard rumors about. He kicked the door open, expecting to see a fight inside, or at least a body somewhere. Instead he found a scared man crying in the corner of the room, the siren with a large knife through its chest, struggling to touch it as its life faded, and the woman nowhere in sight. 

“Where is she?” Dean asked the man and watched as his shaky hand pointed at the bathroom door. 

Dean stalked towards his destination, gun in his hand, ready to attack the bitch on the other side of the small framed door. He knocked on it twice, expecting some sort of reaction to follow, but he was surprised when he was greeted by the slender woman with a towel on her hands. 

“Jesus, I told you to stay…” She stopped, “Can I help you?” Her honey hazel eyes scanned him, taking in the image of the confused hunger, admiring the pistol he held. “Nice gun.”

“Who the hell are you?” 

“The name’s Anna Milton, and just like you, I’m a hunter. What’s your name, sugar?”

Dean looked her up and down. She was shorter than he was, but her body definitely made up for it, athletic yet curvy. “I’m Dean Winchester.”

Anna gasped, “ _The_ Dean Winchester? Holy cow, I don’t believe this! Please, tell me you’re not messing with me…”

“Is there a reason as to why I should?”

“Well, no not really. But it’s seriously an honor to meet you. You are one of the greatest hunters ever known. At least from the ones I’ve heard of, but you’re a legend.” She grinned, “I’m barely a beginner hunter and this is the nearest hunt I could score, I should’ve known you’d be here.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He assured her and he tried his damn best not to think about how tight her shirt was around her, “What got you into hunting?” Dean looked around the room again, distracting himself from the beautiful woman. The man who was crying by the corner was gone and the siren was finally dead. 

As she started talking, Dean proceeded to pick up a small amount of blood into a flask so that he could take to Cain. “Had a very bad experience with werewolves ‘bout a year ago, and it pushed me to chase after them, unaware that one thing would lead to the other. Suddenly, I had gone from werewolves to a wendigo in less than a month and I couldn’t stop.”

Dean laughed, “Yeah, I hear ya… Hunting takes you to places you didn’t even know existed. Take it from someone who’s done it since they were a child.”

“Well, now you’re a legend amongst amateur hunters like myself. We all look up to you.”

“You shouldn’t. Just because I hunt monsters, it doesn’t make me a good person to admire. You’ll start to realize that once the stories you heard about me, become realities and just another day of my life.” He paused, “Are you done here? We need to get out of here before someone reports us for misconduct. One thing you learn during hunting is that you never wanna be around when the maid gets to the room and finds the dead bodies. It is chaos.”

She giggled, “Wow, I always imagined you to be so handsome and strong. I’m not saying you’re not, because you are, but you’re also very charming and that just keeps adding to everything I kept picturing you as.”

Dean stared at her, “How old are you, kid?”

“Twenty-five.”

Nice. Very nice. “You don’t know how bad it gets out here, Anna. Right now, you’re getting the soft stuff.” He gestured to the bloodied bed, “Once you see what I have, you stop being cheery about hunting, and start feeling relieved when you realize that there’s another hunter to help around.” His temptation to ask her to a bar burst out of him, “You wanna go to a bar, I saw a great place in here. You’re legal so I can invite you for a drink.”

“I would love that. It’s been a long day and I need some time to cool down.”

“Great, you gotta ride? We could take my Impala.”

“Um, yeah we should go, take your car!”

“Good, then, come with me.”

Dean drove them to the local bar, allowing people to stare at them as if they were some kind of new specimen. They were two beauties walking into a dumpster of a tavern to drink their afternoon away. 

Anna was very attractive, probably one of the few Dean had come across in the while. Of course, she couldn’t compare to Castiel, but she was very high up there. She was also very promiscuous, getting all over Dean quickly, trying to get the hunter to flirt back with her and getting responses she wanted out of him.

They hit it off fast. Dean and Anna were all over each other, getting drinks, smiling, and talking about their hunts. 

Then one thing led to the other very quickly. In a matter of an hour, Dean and Anna had gotten into a very intense flirting moment, and now they were kissing by his car. She was quick with him, her arms around him like a snake, pulling on his clothes. 

The last drink she’d gotten them was very effective on their sexual desires and the fact that he was incredibly horny wasn’t helping much. His whole body ached for physical activities with no clothes on, and even though he and Anna had barely started making out, he wanted to have her naked on top of him. 

“I’ve always dreamt about sleeping with you, Dean Winchester. You’re every hunter’s fantasy.” She smiled against his lips. 

He felt his vision blur. Was he too drunk to do this? Nah, he couldn’t be. Dean had only taken, like, what? Two? Three beers? Who cares, it wasn’t much. So why did he feel like he had swallowed all the booze of the bar? 

“You wanna do it in your car?” She whispered, pressing her plush lips against his ear, but didn’t give him time to respond because next thing Dean knew, he was being pushed inside his car and against the leather backseat of his Baby. 

Anna straddled him, taking off her brown jacket and exposing her sleeveless, red blouse that seriously outlined her sensual body. 

Dean rubbed his eyes. Jeez, was he really sleepy now that he was getting laid…?

Woah…

Woah, woah, woah…

The fire of Anna’s hair began to fade, turning and shifting in color. What was once red, was now dark brown, like Castiel’s. Her eyes changed too, they went from a low, golden brown, to a bright blue. Dean was lost, and he regained his stamina. 

Dean grabbed Anna by the waist, stripped her of the remainder of her clothes until she was only in her mismatched bra and panties. God, she was gorgeous, and he was so glad that his visualization was fooling him enough to make her look like Castiel. 

They fucked soft and slowly, Anna riding Dean’s cock through heated kisses until she reached her climax, placing Dean’s hands on her waist, and helping him get through his. He’d never felt so good, or wanted anyone so badly that when he came, he moaned out Castiel’s name loud and clearly. 

The weird part about it was that Anna wasn’t bothered by it, she only smirked and held Dean against her exposed breasts as she rode out his orgasm. Dean wanted to say something about it, but his mind wanted him to stay the way he was, holding the woman close, and imagining that she was the angel he left back home. 

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

_As soon as Dean fell asleep, Anna stepped out of the car, leaving the unconscious hunter sleeping on his backseat. She felt a little grossed out since she didn’t want for her first human experience to be with the disgusting and reckless Dean Winchester, but orders were orders, and overall, she was still very pleased with the sex._

_At least she had him before her traitor sibling. The siren’s saliva really had helped her get Dean to sleep with her. He was pathetic and weak. Both him and her brother._

_She pulled out her phone and dialed a number before waiting three rings for an answer. “Did you do it?” Were his first words._

_Anna chuckled, “It was too easy. He kept picturing Castiel throughout, I could see it in his mind. We now know what little Cassie’s weakness is, and vice versa.”_

_“Anything else?”_

_“Not yet.”_

_“Can you follow him?”_

_“I could. Shouldn’t be too hard. Where are you?”_

_“Washington.”_

_“Still looking for a proper vessel, brother?”_

_“I’ve already found one.”_

_It was then that she noticed his accent, English and erotic, “Will it last?”_

_“It should. Such a pity, unfortunately, he had such a long life ahead of him. But a mission’s a mission and you have to take risks when you have to. Do you have a lead on Castiel, by the way? Finding our little brother has proven to be much difficult than I imagined.”_

_Anna sighed, “I tried to get further into Dean’s mind, but that mark he has, is blocking me out. I only picked up his desires for Castiel. Everything else was locked.”_

_“Tracking Castiel has also been a puzzle, someone is misleading us, they don’t want me to get to Castiel.”_

_“And for good reason.” Her brother was one of the most feared angels of the Garrison. “But it won’t last long. Whoever’s helping him, will leave soon. They should once they know you’re involved, Azrael.”_

_“You’re right. For now, keep a lookout.”_

_“I will.”_

_“Good. I’m glad you’re an obedient angel. Maintain that attitude and you may be promoted.”_

_“I’m only waiting for instructions.”_

_“I don’t want you to take action. That’s my mission. I will bring Castiel back to heaven, whether he wants it or not, and unlike every other angel, I won’t care about who I take down as long as I get it done.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is super late and I'm so damn sorry. Hopefully I made up for it. The updates will return to their regular schedule and their natural length. I really liked this chapter so please tell me what you think! Also, I didn't get too descriptive with the little Anna/Dean scene because I'm pretty sure you guys don't want to read that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets an unexpected visit.

**Chapter Nineteen**

Jessica was upset, Cas had never seen her react that way. She was usually so sweet and nice, but now she was pouting, her arms were crossed, and her cheeks flushed. She started rambling the moment they stepped into the car, and was still going at it while they sat on one of the diner’s booths, even after they finished their meal. “I can’t believe I was so foolish to think that Sam would propose to me.”

“I’m sure he wants to; he just wasn’t prepared that time.”

“Cas, we have been together for almost four years.” She continued, the desperation in her voice reflecting exactly how she felt towards her boyfriend. 

“Are you going to break up with him?” He asked. Castiel knew how upset Jessica was, but he was more than certain that she couldn’t feel so strongly over it. 

She shook her head, “I can’t. I love him a little too much to let him go.” Jess sighed, “Could we talk about something else. Something that is not…Sam…?”

He agreed, “I’m sorry. Is there anything in particular you would like to discuss?”

Jess took a sip from her drink, Cas had not noticed that she was almost done with it. “When was the last time Dean called you?”

Castiel pretended as if it’d been a long time since Dean asked for him, or as if he hadn’t stayed up all night waiting for him to call. “I don’t know.” Jessica saw right through him, no one else had a talent as powerful as hers, “Okay, he called this morning and he said that he was having trouble finding the siren.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm, but he didn’t explain anything about it because he was more interested in a different thing.” The blue eyed man stayed quiet, “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

Cas blinked, “Well, I have another question.”

“Proceed.”

“Just out of curiosity…” Castiel cleared his throat, the subject he wanted to touch up caught on the tip of his tongue, “How…how does phone sex…”

The blonde statuesque raised her hand to stop him, “Alright, I know what you want…is that what Dean has you doing now? First, hooking up in secret, and now phone sex? You guys move really fast.” She laughed, taking away the stern look she had on earlier, “There’s a lot to cover in that topic, so you have to be more specific…”

“Well, Dean mentioned something about touching…myself?” When Dean brought that up, he was a little confused because where exactly did that apply to? Where did Dean want him to touch? His hair? Legs? Arms?

“Cas, honey, in order for you to do that, you have to know your body. The beauty about phone sex is that you know yourself in order to continue, because your partner, in this case Dean, will have the control as to where he wants you touch and what he wants you to imagine as he’s doing so. You can’t do that if you don’t even know where your weak spots are.” 

“And what will he want me to imagine?” 

“That all depends on him.” She thought about it, “He could ask you to imagine that he’s kissing your hair, or caressing your thighs. It’s always different depending on what positon you’re taking. Would you top or bottom?”

His blood rushed to his cheeks and heated him up, “I mean…I don’t know…” Castiel had thought about having Dean inside him, he never thought about the other way around. “Does bottom mean that Dean would…” He gulped, “ _Penetrate_ me?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose that would work best for me, then.”

“If that’s the case, then there’s a lot of ways to enjoy yourself to his voice, but like I said, you have to know your body very well in order to do that because you can’t go touching yourself in a certain area and expect that to make you climax. You also have to know what Dean likes about you, so that he could use that against you while doing this and vice versa.”

“Would you have phone sex with Sam often?” Castiel questioned. He was very impressed about how informed Jessica was on the subject.

“When Sam and I started dating, we would get a little creative during finals week to release some stress. Literally. There were times where we would have phone sex for the heck of it. It’s very fun.”

Cas chuckled, “I wish I knew as much as you on it. I screwed up my first time with Dean.”

“There’s no reason for you to blame yourself. You had never heard about it until that call. If Dean is making you feel guilty over it, then I don’t think it’s phone sex we should be talking about.” She gave him a look that he couldn’t decipher, it edged somewhere between warning and knowing, but he had seen it before on Sam towards Dean. 

He pressed his lips, “Dean wasn’t angry at me, but was a little excited that he would get to do this, and I couldn’t.”

“I can’t really blame him for being excited, Cas. You have a voice that could melt butter.”

“I don’t think voices could do that.”

“What I meant, is that you have a very sexy voice.”

“Thank you.” He smiled. “Do you think that’s why Dean wanted to have phone sex with me?” Cas was seriously curious. Jessica was right, phone sex was a really big step from making out inside a broom closet. 

“That’d be enough reason for me, honestly. Either way, do me a favor and take things slow with him. I understand that you want to take a leap into the more grown up stuff, but some of those things suck, okay? I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, Dean is not the best person to get experience from. He can be wise, sure, but he’s also a huge asshole, and I don’t want him to take advantage of you, because in my eyes, you’re still a kid, and I don’t want for your image of the world to be tainted so early.” She reached for his hand, “Be careful.”

Castiel nodded, “I will.”

“If you choose to let him step all over you, not only will I hurt him badly, but I will also be incredibly disappointed in you for allowing it. I’ve become protective of you Cas, and even though he doesn’t show it, so has Sam. He doesn’t know yet about what’s going on between you and Dean, but he has his suspicions and he thinks that you can do better than his brother, due to the reputation that he holds. Sam and I are aware that Dean isn’t half of the man he pretends to be, but he doesn’t really let the best side of him take over, and I’m afraid that he’ll do something to you.” Jessica sighed, “You’re like a brother to me, okay? Like the one I never had but always wanted, so I’m obviously going to shield you from any harm coming your way.”

“You’re more of a sister to me, Jess, than any of my angelic siblings have been.” He grinned up at her, returning the light in her façade that Sam’s situation faded. 

“You’re really going to stick to the angel story?”

“It’s not a story. Dean can tell you that.”

“Did he meet someone from your family?” She wondered. 

“He met Michael, my oldest brother.”

“And?”

“He threatened both of us and he sort of figured out that I loved Dean.” He remained still for a moment, recalling the horrendous words his brother used, “Michael said he would send someone after me. If he does, there’s plenty of angels that are willing to take up the job as long as they get a good name out of him. He’s very powerful, and prideful, and all of my siblings follow him like moths to light.”

“You don’t know anyone who could help you?”

“No.” He couldn’t even go to Gadreel because he couldn’t trust him. “But, I hope there is soon. I don’t want Michael to take me away. I like being here with you, and Sam, and Dean.” Cas couldn’t picture a future without them anymore. “Being human has given me a new perspective on things and I don’t want that to go away.”

“That’s why you have us! We’re here to protect you.”

“They’re angels, and you’re…” Castiel wanted to say that she was human, but didn’t know the extent as to how much that would offend her. 

“I know what I am, Cas, but that’s still not gonna stop me.” She looked at her watch, unsatisfied by the time it reflected. Jess probably thought it was earlier than she expected. “Anyways, you wanna go back home?”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I’m getting a little tired, which I shouldn’t because it’s barely three, but I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while.”

“Why?”

“My professor gives us tests every week for no reason and doesn’t tell us which ones she’s gonna count, so we have to pass all of them, because any of them could be the death of our class grade. This is the first time we won’t be having a test because her partner had an accident and she’s staying by her side.”

Castiel forgot that Sam and Jessica were still in college. Or grad school. He still didn’t understand the difference. She wanted to be a nurse and Sam a lawyer. “I hope she’s doing better.”

“So do I. The whole class has been sending cards to show good vibes.” Jess grabbed her purse, “We should probably get going. I want to sleep like a bear today.” 

He giggled, “Okay.”

**-.-.-.-.-.-**

There was a stranger’s car parked outside their house. It was bright red, and expensive looking, definitely not theirs. 

Jessica and Cas exchanged puzzled looks before proceeding to the entrance. There, they heard a loud laughter that belonged to Sam. “That’s odd. I don’t know anyone that could make Sammy laugh that way if it’s not me.” 

Castiel spotted the jealousy in her eyes and feared for whoever was on the other side with her boyfriend. He’d seen her be jealous before. It didn’t matter how many times Sam and her fought, she protected what was hers. 

She unlocked the door quickly and walked in, Cas following behind her, ready to fight the woman that dared to cross her path, but stopped when instead she found a short man looking up at Sam, with a big, bright grin planted on his face. 

It took some time to recognize him, none of them knew the man with golden brown hair, and devious smirk, but as soon as he opened his mouth, Castiel paled. “Cassie!” He opened his arms and ran towards Cas. “I’ve missed you so much, little brother.”

“Little brother?” Sam and Jessica questioned at the same time. 

“Yes, this is my cute baby bro, Castiel.” The man said cheerfully. 

Cas could barely process everything that was going on, but he still managed to voice his brother’s name, “G-Gabriel?”

“You took long enough…and I thought that the hot moose over there,” He pointed at Sam, who looked even more gigantic with Gabriel in the room, “was a slow processor.”

“His name is Sam.” He muttered, backing away from his older relative, “What are you doing here? What do you want? Are you here to threaten me like Michael?”

Gabriel raised a finger to stop him, “You’re acting a tidbit defensive, don’t you think? I come down here to see you, after spending a painful amount of time trying to find your sorry ass, and you greet me this way? It hurts me, Cassie.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Fine, Cas.” Gabriel said annoyed, “I’m not here to threaten you. I personally thought that was extraordinarily shitty of Michael, but I am here to warn you. Since the moment you left Heaven, your traces have become very sloppy and you show up everywhere in the radar. That’s not good, especially you’re trying to be on the run, or whatever.”

“What’s your point?”

“Do you think maybe we could talk somewhere a little more private?” He gestured at Jessica and Sam, who were very interested in the duo discussing in front of them. “As much as I would like to be near that fine piece of six-foot-four ass, this is something very serious that it’s best if we kept in between us.”

“You better watch it, short stack. Sam is my boyfriend.” Jessica threatened. Sam only chuckled. “You guys can stay here, if you want. Sam and I have problems of our own that need to be solved, anyways.” She reached for the youngest Winchester’s hand and started dragging him outside.

Once they were alone, Castiel and Gabriel resumed their conversation, “Seriously, Gabriel, what do you want? What do you need to warn me about?”

“Michael is very unhappy right now.”

“I think that’s pretty much settled by now.”

“No, Cas, he is murderously pissed. Not just at you, but at all the other angels that want to follow your lead. You have no idea what kind of impact you’ve made upstairs and the mess you left behind.”

“Are you here to take me back?”

Gabriel sneered, “What? So that Michael could get his happy ending? I don’t think so.” The brunet crossed his arms, “What you did…your whole scene of leaving, shook things upstairs and it has divided the angels. Some want to take your side but are too afraid to do anything about it, others think you should be locked away before you become another Lucifer.”

Castiel was quick to shake his head, “I could never—”

His brother interrupted. “It doesn’t matter whether you want to or not. You still blew the whistle on us, which is basically what Luci did.”

“He turned his back on us.”

“You did too!”

“I loved you all with every fiber of my being, I only called you out on your wrongs. For God’s sake,” He gulped and thought about how he had just used his father’s name in vain, “You were experimenting on human souls to make more angels. Souls that earned their entrance into heaven, and you ripped them from their right to get your way.” 

“Castiel, as intelligent as you are, you still remain unbelievably naïve. This is something we have been doing for ages. The fact that you saw it happening, doesn’t make you special. It has happened in the past. There were many before you who saw the same thing. The only reason why your voice mattered was because of your stance with Michael. Had you been with me, or Uriel, do you really believe our brothers and sisters would have listened?”

As goofy as he brother tended to act, he always made a point. His siblings only listened because he was valuable. Being with Michael had that perk. He shook his head slowly, “Are you here to tell me that?”

“No, of course not, but it did feel good to get you off your high horse. Look, Cas, Michael is angry, everyone in heaven is already aware of it, and he wants that rage gone as much as the rest of us. He’s already made his move to stop it. He doesn’t want you dead, because killing you would devastate him, but he wants you back up there, and he wants to control you, have a hold of your thoughts and deprive you from the free will we’re so lucky to be granted with.” Gabriel walked closer to Castiel, and once he had him at arm’s length, he grabbed him by the shoulders. “You know Michael better than anyone and you know how many boundaries he’s willing to cross to get what he wants…”

Yes, Castiel had seen his brother angry, he’d seen the skies darken to match his mood and the measures he’d take to be the winner, so he was afraid of what Michael may do to him now that he was at the receiving end of his punches. 

“Michael has sent someone after you. One of his right-hand men, I believe.” He could see the fear in the archangel’s eyes, “I think his name is Azrael. I don’t know, nowadays angel names all sound the same to me.”

Castiel could feel the chill running up his spine at the mention of that name. He had heard that name once in his entire lifetime. That name was forbidden amongst their kind, because he was the only angel allowed in hell and heaven, and had a reputation for brutally murdering rogue angels and anyone who got in his way that could stop him from reaching his target. Now Cas was part of his list and he could only picture what that monster was capable of.

“Is he really?” Cas could barely mutter. 

“I wouldn’t be telling you this as a joke. As fun as that may be.”

“You said he doesn’t want me dead.”

Gabriel sighed, “Michael is tired of playing games. From what I know, he’s asked you nicely to come back, but you refused, and now he’s gonna give you hell for it.”

“I don’t want to leave!” Castiel almost yelled, “I like it here. I’ve found a place and people who make me feel safe; I don’t want to go back, Gabriel.”

“Well, now you don’t have an option.”

“What am I supposed to do. I don’t have any grace to fight back.”

“That’s what I wanted to mention. If I’m here, it is to tell you that I’ve made some arrangements to make sure that Azrael doesn’t find you so easily. Ever since you fell, you’ve been everywhere. This town has sort of blocked you out, but there’s traces of you all over the place that lead here, so at any moment, Azrael could find you with no problem.” Gabriel explained, “I had a few of my angels misguide him.”

Castiel’s eyes widened, “You could get in trouble for that.”

“You think Dad gives a rat’s ass about what we do?” He smiled, “Inias and Samandriel have been confusing Azrael to buy you some time. You could make this a lot easier on us if you avoid getting out of town.”

 The thought alone terrified him. He loved hunting and spending time with Dean. There was a large world outside of Lettermen that he wanted to explore and now he was being told not to? “But…”

“No buts, Cas. We’re doing this for you because we understand what this world means to you now. It’s one of the few good things our Father did right.” Gabriel explained, “Our brothers and I have been risking our neck so that you could fight for what you believe in, the least you could do is stay where we tell you to. It’s not that complex.”

He gulped, “I know, Gabriel, and I’m thankful for that, but Dean—”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, “Dean?”

“He’s a hunter and I want to accompany him on more of his hunts.”

The angel squinted, “You’re not in love with him, right?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“So you’re telling me that you much rather ride some dude’s dick, than listen to my instructions?” Gabriel was upset, something Castiel never thought he’d witness. 

“Ride his what?”

“Cas, if you’re down here so that you could get in bed with some random ass human, then you’re really not fighting for the same thing some of our brothers are.”

“I’m not sleeping with him.” Although he wanted to. “Dean is my friend. I sometimes go hunting with him and I enjoy it. I like the time I spend with him because it makes me feel different, wild even.” He felt like a jerk for wanting to break the rules his brother set out for him, “Lettermen is a great place, but I want to know what’s outside of it, too.”

Gabe pinched the bridge of his nose, “Okay, clearly all I’ve said has gone in through one ear, and come out the other, because you’re not understanding that if you get out of this place, Azrael will find you, and if you’re with that Dean, he’ll kill him to get to you. We’re trying to prevent that.” 

He saw the frustration in his brother’s face and nodded, “I understand.”

“Good, because I was about to lose it.” Gabriel laughed, “I don’t know what I would do if Michael got to you. I may not have raised you, but we share so many fond memories, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if our bitch of a brother hurt you.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, as your older sibling, I must know who this Dean is. Where did you meet him?”

“Actually he’s Sam’s brother.”

“He must be hot then.”

Castiel snickered, “Yes, Dean is very ‘hot’.”

“I’m glad you’ve found a place here, Cas. Sam was telling me how you’re very helpful around the house and you’re a quick learner. He told me what I already knew. You were always good in your heart, and I’m happy that hasn’t changed.” The resentment he felt earlier was gone and was replaced by a warm feeling in his stomach. Castiel was content Gabriel was here. 

“I have to go, okay? I just needed to make a quick stop to warn you and let you know what we were doing.” He placed his hand on Cas’ shoulders, “I need you to take care of yourself and please, listen to what I said. You know how Azrael is.”

“I do know.”

“Good. I’ll be making some more visits to check up on you and Sam.”

“Sam is with Jessica.”

“I know.”

Cas chuckled, “It was good to see you.” He walked closer towards the shorter man and wrapped his arms around him, bringing him closer into the embrace. Gabriel placed his arms on his back and buried his nose into his neck. “I missed you, Gabriel.”

“I missed you too, little bro.” 

He didn’t realize the moment his brother disappeared into thin air until he opened his eyes and his arms were empty. He was bitter and empty inside. Cas couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt safe around one of his siblings, but he was glad that he got to experience that with Gabriel. 

The only thing he could do then, was walk to his room, trying not to break down over losing his family. It took him a while, but he finally sat down to think about how now, he was one of the wanted rogue angels he had been trained his whole life to chase after. He was a criminal and the consequences caught up with him rapidly. 

If he wasn’t careful, they would catch him and bring him back to the people he wanted nothing with.

A day had passed after Gabriel’s visit, and Castiel was growing desperate because Dean hadn’t called. Jessica mocked him for it, but was understanding. She felt the same way with Sam. The brother and kind-of boyfriend were really concerned over the hunter because they’d gone more than twenty-four hours without knowing a thing. 

It took him a while to adjust, not knowing why he still expected Dean to call him, but he decided to let it slide that time. He just hoped that Dean was okay and, if he couldn’t call them, was because the siren took his phone or he lost it, not that he was dead. 

So he waited for the day that Dean Winchester would walk through the front door to carry him in his arms.

Cas was asleep when it happened. It was four in the morning. At first, he thought it was from the television, but then a pair of lips pressed against his forehead. 

His eyes met with green, and he sat up swiftly, “Dean.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” The Winchester smiled down at him, the gesture as slurry as his words. 

“Are you alright?” Cas touched his forehead, “You’re warm. You smell funny too. Did you barely get here? Where the hell was your phone that you couldn’t call me? I was worried sick, and Sam was worse! Does he know you’re here, because if he doesn’t, I think you should go and—”

“Cas, please shut up for a moment. My head hurts.”

“You’re sweating. Are you ill?”

“I don’t feel that way. Just a little dizzy.”

“Were you drinking?” He was getting ready to scold Dean and lecture him on why drinking and driving was wrong. 

“No, I wasn’t.” The Winchester leaned in towards Castiel, attempting to plant a kiss on his lips, “I missed you so much. God, Cas, did I fucking miss you.” Dean cupped his face, and tried to peck him again. 

“Wait, Dean, first tell me what happened to you. You’re not okay.”

“I’m fine. Is it bad that I simply want a kiss?”

“What did you do?” He wrinkled his nose in disgust every time Dean got close to him. He had this scent on his jacket that was very disgusting and strong, like some sort of perfume, and not the type of cologne that Dean covered himself in. It was feminine. “Were you with someone?”

“Does it matter?”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I wasn’t with anybody?”

“So why do your clothes smell like a woman?” 

Dean sighed in frustration, standing up from Castiel’s bed and running his hands through his hair. Seeing him like that, made his stomach stir in different emotions, none of them good. “Did you expect me to stay monogamous for whatever the hell this is?”

Castiel’s heart dropped and shattered inside him, the broken pieces of it cutting him inside, and creating a nonexistent pain that threatened to drive him crazy. “I thought you would respect me…” He mumbled, his voice cracking a little. Cas saw this scenario numerous times on different TV shows, it was only a matter of time before it happened to him.  

“Cas, you and I, don’t even know what the fuck we have. Don’t act surprised.”

“I waited for you to call me every night since you left because you promised you would. You wanted me as much as I want you, so don’t pin this all on me.” His eyes were holding back the tears, but his body wouldn’t let them flow. He was stronger than this. 

“It was just a one-night stand, okay, nothing special.”

“You still did it.”

“It meant nothing.”

Cas shook his head, “I want you to leave my room.”

Dean scoffed, “Whatever.” The fact that Dean didn’t make the effort to fight back for it, hurt him further. It showed how he truly felt. He watched Dean back away from his bed towards the door. 

That was when Castiel’s feelings betrayed him, because as soon as the door shut, he started to sob into his hands. This wasn’t what he planned, or the world he imagined with Dean. It was a nightmare instead, and Cas would never be able to wake up from it. He put his trust in a man that would never respect it. 

He wiped his tears away from his azure orbs, and whimpered. No. Castiel wasn’t gonna cry. Not here. Not for Dean. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> The fic will update every two weeks due to my job and how long it takes me to plan it out. I'm very slow hahah. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it.  
> Please read and tell me what you think! I really love reviews.


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